I really dont know the OM's name or who his wife is, but i can find out. I do know that he was having problems with her. I was just wondering what the opinions would be on me contacting her and just talking about the situation.<BR>To really sound evil..i was thinking that maybe it would upset HIM to know that i was talking to his wife.<BR>Which may cause some LB in the relationship between he and my stbx.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Someone pointed out to me when I wanted to contact the OW's H that it could make her more determined to get my H. All of the other arguements did not work on me. I wasn't too concerned about LB. I didn't care. BUT. . .The thought that if her H left her because of this, therefore, her being more able and determined to get my H, was all it took to get me to not contact him. Or if her H didn't leave her, but I caused a problem, she may have just wanted revenge and gone after my H even more. In a way I felt like he should have the knowledge that I had, but it is stopped now and I pray that her relationship is getting better.<P>This is all just IMHO. Hope it helps.<P>Window

I talked to OW H a couple of times. It really shook OW up. Caused some LB between she and my H as she got really enraged and said some nasty things about me.<P>I found it quite unsettling to talk to him. Almost like I was creating an attachement with him. My H also asked me to quit contacting him. So, to not create a further LB between H & I, I have not contacted him since. (although I am tempted--merely to let him know about this website...I hadn't fount it yet)<P>Weird thing was, he really didn't even blame my H. She has a history of this. (she's on her 4th H) He kept tellimg me how sorry he was...<P>I hope more seasoned folks have some good words on this because like I said, I am tempted to contact him again.

thank you for you response.<BR>I see it like this... and i may get blasted for saying this, but some guys(NOT ALL) have this very interesting Ego thing going on. I know that I am guilty of it. you can get rid of something and be fine with it...until... you think someone else is getting it. then how you feel changes.<BR>I guess it is not so much a Male thing as it is a human thing.<BR>But from what i know of he and his wife, she left 2 yrs ago, and didnt call him or contact him in anyway. And after 2 yrs he took her back. now that has to mean he has some feelings for her. So he may not like it too much if i started talking to her. And NO i do not intend on pursuing her for a relationship. Just to talk, she is in this just like me. But I have a feeling that if he heard of this, he would start having a problem with it, which may cause problems in the relationship with he and my wife.<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

I've been tempted to contact OW's husband - to let him know about this website so that he can work on his own marriage more effectively. So far I've resisted the temptation as I know it would be a BIG lovebuster between me and my WH - and I can't trust the OW's husband to keep my contact a secret. I did send a nasty e-mail to the OW once, calling her some very nasty names - then I sent another e-mail to apologise as I knew it would make my husband hate me more. The b***h forwarded the e-mail straight to my husband, so he found out anyway and was furious with me, so I wouldn't recommend it!!!

I have been very tempted to contact OM's fiance. I feel very guilty about letting her marry this scum who pursued my W. He came into my home and complimented her to me as my friend while he was @#$%$#@ her!!! He is the definition of a mf'er. He took my life apart. I want to ruin his, but won't. The only satisfaction is knowing I hold his happiness in the palm of my hand. He is an old time player who is finally settling down. I might drive by and wave sometime or maybe fish in front of his lakeshore pad! There are creative ways to walk that line any thoughts?<P>I am struggling with this more than anything. I forgave a very abusive and neglectful Father, but even my Father would have taken this BAS#@RD down a peg or two for me.<P>Men who stalk married women are one step above pedifiles, maybe.

I don't think it's such a bad idea to talk to the OW/OM's spouse. The point is that a person has the right to know what is going on in his/her life. And I feel that if you know, you have the moral obligation to inform them. If your purpose is to inform them of the affair, then you do not even need to talk to them directly. Just provide the information. And I would include a copy of Harley's, "Surviving an Affair". The moral obligation issue here might seem strange to some people, but I feel very strongly that when we know a wrong is being committed we are morally obligated to let the injured part know (if they do not already know.)<P>My ex husband cheated most of the time we were married. I only found concrete information on one of the affairs. Found tons of clues. At that time I took the position that I was the WIFE and I was not going to belittle myself by sneaking around, following him, etc. I also believed that eventually someone would tell me. No one ever did. I wish that soemone would have informed me. It was not until a year after I left him that two of my "friends" mentioned that they knew of his affairs. He was doing his medical residency so he was "on call" all the time. One person told me that his car was parked, almost nightly at a house down the street from her. The other said that he'd had an affair with a friend of hers. But neither of them would tell me anything else. I wish I'd have known at the time. I could have moved on with my life years earlier. I would not have flet so crazy when I felt I knew he was cheating but he kept saying ... I'd never do that to my wife. <P>If your reason for contacting is to cause trouble then yes that is a love buster. That is never the reason to do anything.<P>E

If the roles were reversed and OM's W was the one asking the question what would you tell her? In my opinion, it is selfish to not tell due to fear of LBing. Selfishness is a big reason most of us visit this forum.

bioman - I'm all for it. Yep, could be a big LB. Also could be the turbulence needed to shock the h*** out of the the adulterers and start some problems between them which is what you want. Of course this was N/A for me since everybody knew each other.<P>WAT<P>

When I discovered my husband's affair, it was the single worst emotion that I have ever felt. I couldn't sleep for days, yet all I wanted to do was sleep and never wake up because I didn't want to think about it. It was like a horrible nightmare. I couldn't wish that feeling on anyone, no matter how vengeful I felt. Anyways, I didn't want to be the one who brought that to another person, it wasn't my place.<P>I am assuming that Miss Kitty told her old man (in some manner) because they are now divorced, or divorcing. Maybe she didn't tell him about the affair, but at least she is no longer deceiving the poor guy <p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited May 14, 2001).]

Dear BioMan,<BR>Let it go. The situation is out of your control, meaning it's tangled up enough without you getting further involved in the mess than you already are. You're hurting enough and what would be the point? To lick wounds together with the OMs wife, or have a pity party, or to try to hurt the OM? Nah, it's not worth your effort, time, nor energy. Don't you agree? Sometimes when we are hurting so much, we don't think straight. I don't think you're in your right mind--too emotional. I don't blame you, but still... I wouldn't do it if I were you. You have better things to do with your time than to let them control you this way. You know, like you said, the OM is making you want to compete for someone who has willingly turned away from you. You deserve better than all of this strife. You deserve the peace of God right about now. Why ensnare yourself with all the pain and hurt on the other end of the rope? Tie up your loose ends and move on, or else tie a knot and hang on, whichever you feel is best, but don't go over there...<P>Dear BrokenDreamsX,<BR>Why would you say that the reason most people visit this forum is due to selfishness? You don't feel that people are being sincerely helped to sort out issues? Please explain!<P>

I was referring to the selfishness of people who betray their spouses as being what leads us all here. Sorry I wasn't clear! I, personally can't live with the knowledge that I kept vital information from someone. Secrets grow horns! So I choose to do as I would have others do to me and take whatever consequences may come our way.

Dear Dreams,<BR>Oh, okay, I gotcha... Yeah, selfishness affects so many others in profound ways. I believe selfishness is truly the opposite of love. Hang in there. Sometimes it can only get so bad and things can only go down so far. Pretty soon the only way to go us UP!