Please keep it to a very few words. 10 WORDS OR LESS<P>PLEASE PLEASE ANSWER IF YOU ARE WELL INTO RECOVERY!!!!

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My wife did it she said to try a younger person. She was happy with the result but felt guilty she did it.

Low self esteem. Addicted to attention. All negative.<BR>

I was terribly lonely and didn't realize it was happening)

I was the WS--a long long time ago, in my first marriage:<P>My first husband was a mama's boy, wanted someone to take care of him, tell him what to do. Wanted to live with his parents, even. He hung out with his childhood friends playing basketball and smoking weed. He didn't want a job or to work, he did just enough to eat.<P>Before long, he had dreadlocks to his waist, which was ample, and I had had it. The prospect of spending the rest of my life with him make me sick--so I cheated.

Never had a PA, but there was a point many years ago where I came close. If I had crossed the line, it would have been bcs I was feeling very unloved & very alone (emotionally speaking).<p>[This message has been edited by kam6318 (edited May 19, 2001).]

Simply, it was the way the OM made me feel about myself. I felt unappreciated and completely neglected by my h at the time and this added to it.

I became a WS because I thought I was immune to it. Thought it would never go that far - thought I could be friends with OM - how wrong I was.

I had a similar experience as Bernzini's, but that was along time ago (years) and irrelevant now, as I have so very well learned. I thought about having an EMR with a single guy when H was living away from home. But when push came to shove, I couldn't do it. I can tell you what was missing that single guy filled - I needed simple human kindness. I needed to hear a friendly voice and know for sure, without a doubt, that the person I was conversing with wasn't going to get volatile, curse me out, or call me filthy names. I needed validation as a person first, and as a woman, second. I can easily see how easy it would have been to take it further ... but when push came to shove and I had the opportunity to take it to another level, I realized that I still loved my H, even with all of his weaknesses and problems, and that whatever action I took would either destroy our marriage or make it stronger. I chose the latter.<P>But had I been a weaker person, I could have gone the other way. I was very much in need of security.<P>belld<BR>

I felt unloved, uncared for, unconsidered and we did what he wanted mostly. Mine was an exit affair. Although I ended up not exiting....<BR>

Because my heart was broken, my body was numb and I just wanted someone to tell me everything was going to be allright.

It will alwasys be somewhat hard to say since one can not justify it, but some reasons perhaps: like mar said, thought it would not go 'too' far as it began as a friendship, and OM lives in another state. <P>I can see that I was extremely lonely(H's work took him out of town for weeks at a time - had been this way for years so I think I was slowly eroding inside) OM was caring when H didn't seem to care. The way OM made me feel about myself (low self esteem on my part probably) - his attention and acceptance filled up the emptiness. <P>By the time I realized how deep I was in this EA - it was utter selfishness to 'hold onto' it - intense craving for those positive emotions. <P>not sure what else - sorry more than 10 words...<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Dawnn (edited May 15, 2001).]

Low self-esteem, poor relationship with God.

all of the above. <P>I was lonely. My husband was lost in his own world through drinking (not an excuse). Along came someone who told me wonderful, beautiful, special, etc. I was. I lost sight of what was more important. Rather than working on my marriage and the problems in it I took the easy way out, an escape to fantasy land.

All of the above for me too. Fantasy was better for me than reality at that time.

I don't usually post to these kinds of things, but what the heck.<P>None of the answers is a good enough reason to do it - no matter what. That said,<P>I did it because I was:<P>SELFISH<BR>LONELY<BR>ANGRY<BR>IGNORED<BR>ABUSED<BR>STUPID<BR>IN A FOG<P>For some reason, I didn't notice that you wanted those only in recovery. I am divorced. Take what you can from my list anyway. Hope it helps.<P>Mine was an exit affair - and I didn't exit then - it was after my then-H had two more affairs.<P><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited May 15, 2001).]

Like Raskal said <B>I felt unloved, uncared for, unconsidered. Mine was an exit affair. Although I ended up not exiting....</B> not yet anyway.<P>Also, like Madelyn said, it was the way the OM made me feel about myself; exciting, interesting, sexy.

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Invictus, you are inviting oversimplification of a very difficult issue with your 10 word limit. Is this characteristic of your approach to recovery? By the way, I am not a ws.