I"ll start by saying that sex and affection are near the top of my EN list. H knows that, and they are at the top of his list too (however, unfortunately for me, he's getting, or better phrased, "accepting" them from elsewhere..sigh!).<P>H is one who has always maintained that he is quite able to have sex for just the sheer pleasure of it. And emotional attachment isn't necessary for him.<P>I got turned on by him today when he was playing with the kids, as usual, lol (family involvement is way up there on my EN list too...grin), and came right out and asked him;<P>ME: "Have you been sexually attracted to me today, or in recent days?".<P>H: "Physically, yes."<P>ME: "Well, since you say you can separate sex and emotion, then let's do something about it!" (grin).<P>H: "With you it just doesn't feel right."<P>Of course, I was SO tempted to start asking that awful question, "WHY???".. but I didn't. He doesn't even know how to express to me why he was unhappy and wanted out of our marriage to begin with, so how could he possibly be able to answer me with this question?<P>I am an over-analyser. I'll admit it. I don't consider it a bad thing, but in this situation, it is (grin). My mind has been flurried with thoughts as to his 'with you I think it would be wrong' response. What do you think? Could it be guilt for his involvement with other women? Or that he's not capable of having sex without emotion? Or that to him, sex with me needs emotional attachment?<P>I should add, that since he moved out, we have had sex 3 times (the last time being about a month ago.. much to my chagrin!...grin).<P>Karen<BR>

Topie,<BR>I'm sure that you really would not want him to have sex with you just for the sex. While your hormone are kicked in you probally wouldnt mind..hell i wouldnt mind if my STBX came knocking on my door for it..<BR>but afterwards is when it starts to hit you that they didnt do it cause the care about you.<BR>It is hard to see it that way, but the truth.<BR>Hell i have had a hard time knowing that for a few month while me and my wife were having sex she was thinking about the OM. she never had a PA from what she says, but just knowing that while we were having sex, she was thinking about him, almost makes me want to puke.<BR>Just hang in there<BR>what ever doesnt kill us only makes us stronger!!<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Hi guys,<BR>??? I got something different from what T25 said. To me, it sounds like he DOES love you and care about you so he can't just hop in the sack with you and walk away unscathed. You are the mother of his kids. That will never ever change... But with someone else, where it is just plain lust with no strings, perhaps it's easier for him to brush it off as meaningless afterward. I agree with you that his conscience is bothering him. I think his conscience bothers him because he cares. Perhaps he doesn't want to lead you or his kids on. Perhaps he feels better about using people with whom he never had any emotional ties and never plans to--that is, until THEY get pregnant with his kid(s)!!!!! Yikes! Then what?!<P>Besides, what if he was afraid of giving you some bad germs or something. Since he's 'accepting it from elsewhere' like you said...

I agree with BtDt. <P>"With you it just doesn't feel right..." <P>By "it" I would assume he means "casual sex". <P>Snow