I had my wife read "plan A and Plan B last night and then we sat down and talked.She want's to play out her A and have the kid with her,but have me close for the kids.She hasn't figured out how we are to do this yet but said she will let me know when she does.I told her that all I want is for her to be truly happy and so she can do what she wants.She blames the A on tne years of fighting with me and has to try something elese .I feel dead and empty ,what do I do now. HELP!

Wow, I admire you for saying that all you wanted was for her to be happy, but PLEASE DON'T LET HER TAKE YOUR KIDS WITH HER ON HER QUEST TO FIND IT! Is there any way you can keep them with you? Yikes!<P>I feel for your kids. I was tossed around from home to home while my mom searched for herself and her happiness and her sex and whatever else she was looking for. It's a miserable life for any kid. Moving and changing schools and different school districts with different curriculums in the middle of the school year, falling behind, feeling misplaced, peer pressure, no true friends... Not to mention various boyfriends that I walked in on while they were having sex with my mother. Please think of the kids above anything else at this point.

WE talked about that,she had a similar childhood and does not want to do that to the kids,Iwont let her.She promised to make it so that we will be close enough to see the kids allthe time.I don't want my kids to even meet him for a wile,until she and I agree that he will get along with them with any problems.I'm sticking to plan A!

NTK - Plan A is one thing, but your kids are obviously more important than a few LBs. IMHO, you have given her too much leeway. Don't wait for HER to tell YOU how it's going to be. Consider telling her, <P>1) She may leave to play out her affair if she insists, but<BR> <BR>2) the kids stay with you in your home, and <P>3) she may come visit them at any time, but you prefer that they are not ever around OM. <P>4) She will have to support herself and contribute 1/2 of all child care expenses and other expenses directly related to the kids.<P>Get it all in writing. Consider seeing a lawyer for a legal separation.<P>Some may argue that this will simply alienate her and drive her toward OM. But she's already emotionally out the door - you shouldn't let her take your kids with her.<P>Please consider all other responses that may differ.<P>WAT

WAT;I like what you say but think I'll just sit on it for today and check on this topic this afternoon,THANKS NTK

I have to agree with the majority here, your children need to stay out of this A. If she wants to live apart, then she can't live with OM unless you are divorced. If you can't bear to take the children from her, then you have to set some ground rules, the first being that nobody sleeps over at her house if the children are there. I would also stipulate that there should not be alot of affection between her and OM if the children are around. You have no idea what that could do to a child. You are being so supportive of her, that will be your reward in the end. The fact is, you are the most stable parent presently, whether you feel that way or not, and your child will benefit from that stability. She will have plenty of time to 'play out the A' without dragging your child through it also.

NTK...<BR>I agree with WAT. Do not, under any circumstances let her take the kids out of your home if she is going to "play" and see what is out there. If you need to...get legal advice...ASAP! CYA so that things don't get out of control. THe kids are #1 right now!<BR>Mike

Thanks for the support folks.She has always called me a control freak,but she is the one that always ends up getting her way.She has always done all the finances and taken care of the taxes because of her horse buisness.When I said I was going to take over control of my paycheck,she went nuts ,telling me she wasn't going to beg for everything for her and her kids and that she would have to go ask her dad for money.Again I'm thinking about taking control of my pay check adn the household bills.I went over last mo. bills and found I not only payed for hotel rms. and food on her trip with OM but the phone bill was over $300 FOR 2 MO.MOST OF WITCH WERE CALLS TO OM.I have a meeting with her dad this week,he does not aprove of this A and said he would talk with me.He divorced my MIL after she had an A and became pregnant,now after she and him are gettung back together after 40 yrs!Think he might have some insite for me?I still get so depressed I just break out crying but I still love her so much its hard not to smother her with love she does not want.It's hard to understand one day I'm making love to her and the next I'm a leper to her.I tryed to be more distant yesterday but then caught myself touching her and had to leave the room.Have a Dr. app. today might ask him about anti-depressants and some psych. conseling,this might help us both,what do you think? NTK<P>------------------<BR>

I agree with Dave & Mike don't let her, take your kids out of your home.<P>call the Harley's. they will help you come up with a plan that you can do this in a non LB way.<P>good luck, hang in there & prayers

You are such an understanding man, but you have to get control of your family again. You are the husband, the head of the household. She has too much power in every day affairs, and that has gone to her head. I don't want to bash her or insult you by insulting her, and I don't want to hold some holy power over your head, but this has been a BIG problem in my own marriage and I just want to share the experience to help you understand. At my home, if I wasn't happy then nobody was happy. My husband didn't even want to come home some days because the atmosphere was not welcome to him. I never thought I would submit to anyone, least of all some man. Biblically, I am suppose to, so I am trying really hard to change. I have more peace when my thoughts line up with God's thoughts. Get a good Bible with a concordance and look up scripture key words like 'wife' and submit. This doesn't mean you have to be some tyrant, you just deserve to be respected as the man of the house.<P> Talk with your doctor about antidepressants but be careful. The medications on the market can greatly affect your sex drive which could lead to more frustration for both of you. Ask lots of questions before you make the decision.

Thanks guys ,WE had a good day today,talked and huged and ecen a few kisses,but she is still going to see him this weekend.First she said she was going to go to do some horse buss. but when I asked if she was going to see OM she got a little angry but I calmed her down,we talked some more and here I am.Will go to see my FIL tommorow also see ex boss about old job,long cummute but good money plus some time to my self.After school's out the kid's will be near my work with my MIL and FIL,at least for a few weeks.Still on plan A and one day at a time. NTK