Well, my W and I are going to counseling today at 11:00 a.m.- at her request. I asked her last night if she was going to serve me with divorce papers at counseling. She said no. I asked if she was going to give me bad news. She said no. I told her that I know she cares enough about me that if she had bad news to tell me that she would want a counselor there to pick up the pieces. She said that she just had some questions to ask me and wanted the counselor to help her ask the questions. Yesterday when she asked to go to the counseling she told me that she doesn't think we are ever going to get past the OM.<P>I wish that is what she is really going to talk about because that is good news. But I really don't know what to expect. Any one have suggestions on how to handle the session later this morning? I thought I would start the talking and explain to the counselor what she told me yesterday.<P>S&C<P>I'll update when I get back.

She said she doesn't think you will ever get past OM. Does that mean that you bring it up alot or you can't forgive? In the session, try not to commit any LBs. Whatever she says, temper your response so that she will feel safe sharing her feelings. The only way you will get anywhere with her is if you know what she truly feels. She has to feel safe in order for that to happen. Share your feelings but be certain to do it in a non lovebusting manner.<P>cleo

Thanks Cleo,<P>I don't really know what she means by me not getting over it. I'm still not sure if its not a ploy. I am going to do my best not to LB. I know our counselor wants us to say our true feelings.

Dave - sorry I didn't post sooner. It's now 11:00 EDT, don't know what zone you're in. I hope you follow Cleo's advice. I think your wife probably doubts your ability to forgive her, or at worst, that's what her excuse will be to not work on the marriage.<P>Good luck,<BR>dave

From one dave to another - thanks WAT<P>I don't leave for a few more minutes. I'm in CDT. I'm going to try my darndest to follow that advice. I just don't know what to expect. If she's using the excuse, why does she want to do it in front of the counselor? <P>49 minutes and counting<P>S&C

Perhaps she thinks the counselor will somehow validate her logic. (Believe me, I'm only playing the devil's advocate here.)<P>Let us know,<BR>Dave

Just wanted to wish you luck - GOOD LUCK!!<P>Hugs, Paint

Hi S&C, <P>You probably are already at your meeting. But I wanted to let you know that my H said the same thing. He apparently wanted to use that as an excuse NOT to come home. See he couldn't just come out and say "I don't want to come home", instead he wanted to manipulate it so that he could have an excuse. <P>My response was (on several occasions since he brought it up about 5 times) was that I would not need to bring it up, if it was truly over and I was able to put closure on it. He finally agreed and is now at home. Oh, there are still issues, because I still don't have closure. But that is now an issue that H needs to convince me with. H needs to prove to me that he is past the OW to the point that I can comfortably put closure on this issue. <P>So I guess, the point I am making is while not LBing too much, plan B does teach you to protect yourself. Put the responsibility on the WS for meeting your needs when an excuse like that arises. Becareful not to be too demanding if they are still out there but you also need to protect your feelings. If they acknowledge your right to have feelings, then the WS should be able to see that. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>