I posted a message on "Just found out" a few weeks ago because I only found out about my Husband's infidelity on April 20th. He moved out on April 25th and filed for divorce the same day. I was served on May 3.<P>A little background: He started talking to his high school girlfriend (he lost his virginity to her) over the internet after connecting via Classmates.com. I didn't think anything of it as she lives in VA and we live in CA. He said she was married, I now know her divorce will be final in August. She has 2 children (we have none). <P>My husband started telling me that she was flirting with him over the phone and on the internet and I told him that it had to stop and that it was dangerouse to our marriage. He didn't think so but told me a few days later that he told her to stop calling, he didn't. All these phone calls and emails culminated into her flying to meet him in Las Vegas on what I thought was a Guy's weekend! I then found out the next Friday about everything.<P>He filed for divorce 5 days later. Last Friday he went to my work dinner with me and then spent the entire weekend with me. However, before we went to the dinner he told me that he has put his 2 week notice in at work but will probably be staying 6 weeks since they asked and that then he is moving to VA to be with the OW. I was devastated! Not only that, but he has his dream job out here and his industry doesn't even exist in that part of the country and he has only spent a total of 4 days with her in the last 3 months of talking (he is going there again for 3 days this weekend, though). Is he crazy? I even told him that he should really think long and hard about this even if he does want to divorce me because he is giving up everything for this woman. Can this be happening? I cannot believe that my whole world has turned upside down so quickly. I am seeing a counselor who helps and today I have an appointment with a lawyer (I'm afraid of what will happen while he is unemployed).<P>Should I just continue to do Plan A with him? Sometimes I feel like I just hate him. He seems like the same man I married sometimes and sometimes he looks and sounds like a completely different person! I pray all the time not only for our marriage but that he doesn't ruin his life!<P>------------------<BR>LAJ

LAJ - you have come to the right place.<P>Is he crazy? Yes. You are normal.<P>Many of us have had your feelings of your world being turned upside down. Everything you describe is, unfortunately, typical.<P>You can find understanding and compassion here, if not solutions.<P>You are smart to get legal advice quickly.<P>Yes, Plan A until he leaves, at least. Consider having a counseling session with the Harleys.<P>Tell us more. What was lacking in your marriage? Can you identify any shortcomings in your self that contributed to the environment for the affair to occur?<P>Lastly, be aware of signs of depression: anxiety, sleeplessness, weight loss, feelings of worthlessness. See a doctor about antidepressant medication if these symptoms are present.<P>Keep asking us questions.<P>WAT

I think we had too much of a Mommy/Son relationship. I couldn't really trust him to take care of things and he would do irresponsible things here and there (usually with money) that I would have to clean up. I probably acted the martyr as well.<P>I do have to say, though, (I think I posted this on the "Just Found Out" forum) that our marriage and our finances seemed to be doing much better at the time he got into the affair...we just bought a house 5 months ago and were enjoying our successes after 7 years of big ups and downs (his brother lived with us, we both lost jobs at different times, my mother died, we had to sell her house, etc.) My counselor thinks maybe it was just too calm for him, that maybe he is drawn to drama.<P>I also have gained weight since we were married but he said that didn't matter to him. I have since gotten him to confess that it did. Of course, right now with my stomach in knots all the time I am having no trouble losing weight.<P>I did contact my Dr. and have been on antidepressants for about a week...I was just having too many BIG ups and downs. I even had to leave work a couple of times because the H would call and upset me and I couldn't stop crying.<P>I will continue to do Plan A with him as much as I can but he will be across the country with her for about 10 days of the next 2 weeks. I have nightmares every night I know he is with her.