Boy, when you come back on the scene you EXPLODE!!<P>I see your "bus" analogy all over, and your fightin' for the marriage words everywhere. <P>So NICE to see you!!

Maybe it was the party buses that got me rollin? <P>I read you had a bad week last week, but I didn't find out the details. I hopped all over the board trying to find what happened, but - no luck. <P>Anyways - my bus analogy...<P>I am seeing a lot of "reactive spouses".... I think we need to not be swayed by the storms, the circumstances, the daily heat. I really think we need to decide that we want our marriages to work, and then decide on a course of action, and stay the course! WE decide what WE will do with our marriages... NOT based on not what has happened or what OW/OM/WS does! We have to remember that the Harley methods work, and when it doesn't work - then probably we aren't sticking to the plan....<P>When the WS waffles, do we waffle? NO! If we waffle, then we aren't heading where we decided to head! We MUST stay the course! WE drive our own bus. Not them, not OW, Not OM, not anyone but us! <P>Our job at MB is to help people stay on track. Sometimes a joke or a hug can help some one do just that. Sometimes a prayer. But we should NEVER encourage throwing in the towel. If someone comes to MB expecting that, they came to the wrong place!!!!<P>Let's drive our own buses with all the knowledge Harleys have given us, and with the support of this board!<P>Now, how about an update, NB?<P>TnT

Well crud, TnT, it's pretty hard to post an update when you give that big wonderful uplifting NEVER GIVE UP message!!<P>You may or may not realize (and forgive me if I'm telling you something you know already) but I am trying to go from this point forward and do the right thing despite some decisions I made regarding my past marriage and subsequent relationship (too soon) with someone else. <P>I have said many times I am speaking from hindsight, and trying to be, as you say, a SUPPORT to newbies and tired oldies by saying - Don't do as I did. However, in my quest (misguided perhaps, considering my current situation - I am divorced and newly engaged to someone else) I didn't realize that I was sending a message just by existing here on MB, and the message wasn't to stick it out, it was to quit and move on. Those weren't my WORDS, mind you, but my LIFE. I was called to task on just that by one person in particular, and then another, and then a third. Now, I have many, many supportive folks who tell me to "do the right thing" from here on in (i.e. tend to this relationship and use the concepts to make this my final marriage - and a good one) and I am very thankful for them. But you know how it is when you're feeling guilty and down anyway -- the few words of those who felt I didn't belong here might as well have been 20 feet tall. It's all I could see.<P>I have good things happening in my life, but it hasn't been without pain - and intense pain at that. David and I barely talk anymore. Only now he wishes he'd "done the work" - but he still has his last OW - so what does that mean? I have moved on because I simply "hit the wall" and knew I had to save myself. Maybe I wasn't strong enough. <P>The kids tell me I need to be selfish now and take care of me. I still have trouble with that. They remind me of all the times their dad abused me. I blocked things out. I thought things were bad with the cheating, but there was so much more. I hate that.<P>I never came on here (MB) and said, "hey, do what I've done. It's great" because it's been the most painful, gutwrenching, horrific experience I've ever gone through - worse than my son's suicide attempt when he was eight years old.<P>My goal is to NEVER EVER go through anything like this again. <P>So, my update is that things are better -- and more difficult too. But mostly, really, they are better. I don't make excuses for my choices, except to say that I did the best I could with what I had in me at the time.<P>Thanks for asking.

Oh my!<P>I am aware that you and David divorced, and I know that still causes you and him much pain. But my "sermon" wasn't directed at you - my poopiehead fan.<P>I think you need to QUIT beating yourself up, Sheryl! I regret my divorce 15 years ago too. I have pretty much the same story you have in your first marriage. Divorce is rotten, no matter how many years we move past them. You were in tremendous emotional pain in your marriage. I know. I know that you didn't follow the MB principles to a T, like having no inappropriate contact, etc., and did the best you could at the time. I know that. My heart went out to you and still does. <P>Truth is, we all don't follow MB principles to a T. But we try. And you tried. You cannot beat yourself all your life because you didn't. I certainly didn't. <P>You are a WONDERFUL asset to this board, and you help me, and others more than you will ever ever EVER realize. Not because of your failures, but because of your STRENGTH. You are strong. <P>I simply want to know what happened "last week" in your life! Silly!<P>I love you, my friend. I am NOT throwing darts at you! <P>We all must DRIVE OUR OWN BUS. You drive yours from your strength! Okay?<P>What happened last week? Is this pay backs for not telling you who the card fairie was?<P> <P>TnT<BR>

NB,<P>Just wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you.<BR>Hope that you are feeling beeter. <P>Has it warmed up in the freat frozen north yet? well here it is still the same each every day.<P>when I get back I am going someplace COLD, I'll take COOL for a day or 2.<P>

Hi TnT and sing,<P>Thank you both for the support and kind words. Wow! <P>Hey, here's the deal: I was giving a history -- to prepare for what happened last week -- which was that a particular poster (who I had become friendly with outside of the board) basically slammed me, and it hurt like hell, made me think about my value here (on MB) and as a person. <P>I am very emotional, care deeply, and take the words of my friends to heart. Heck, so many on this board are cyber-friends who I've known for almost two years now, and it would cut to the core if any one of them slammed me for being here. All the more difficult when it's someone who's voice I've heard, ya know?<P>So... even though it seemed like I was telling you my life story , I was simply giving a bit of background!<P>From your poopieheaded fan and friend,<P>Sheryl