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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 63
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 63 |
To WS's: What initially attracted you to OP? What made you lower your bar to allow a 3rd party to invade your life?
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 587
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 587 |
The OM "listened" (it was an EA via email) to me, wanted to know about me, was interested in what I had to say...<P>Conversation is my #1 EN and my husband and I do not communicate well. I was lonely and weak, I allowed it to happen, not knowing I would build a "friendship" that overwhelmed me.
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 660
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 660 |
I read in Frank Pittman's book "Private Lies" that the main thing that make OP attractive to a WS is that they are willing and ready to get involved in an EMR. Aside from that, they aren't really more special than any other person walking the planet. I don't think that my H (WS) thinks that, though!<P>belld
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 170
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 170 |
That's certainly what my H says. "She listens to me." "She thinks what I have to say is important." "She agrees with me."<P>It sucks them in. Especially when your marriage is at a low point. Your frustrated, he's frustrated. The two of you aren't communicating. They convince themselves YOU don't love THEM, so they must not love YOU. The two of you just aren't good together. This OP is the answer. <P>Once it goes to a PA, WS has convinced himself he must love her. "How else could I have done this?" "I have strong feelings for her." <P>Hook. "She listens to me.<BR>Line. "I believe in you. You're the greatest."<BR>Sinker. PA<P><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 818
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 818 |
He was a good friend first. He listened, he was intelligent and funny.
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 105
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 105 |
29P,<BR>I had been separated for a long time when he told me that he had been admiring me from afar for over 3yrs. This filled a very empty EN for me. <P>Lowering the bar was a huge issue for me, I hated it. I was not the pursuer. I suppose I gave in when he didn't give up and I was enjoying the attention and the "fog" rolled in.<P>Hurts to admit this now. ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif) <BR>ASM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 193
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 193 |
He was someone I had loved 25 years ago and still did. I laughed with him. I was not his mother, I was his lover and partner.<P>------------------<BR>It's not how bad it is. It's how good it's not.
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