A person at my work (not a good friend and very certifiable), called the OW and asked her if she was having and A with my H.<P>We all work in the same school district at neighboring schools.<P>My H calls me to ask what the heck is going on. I didn't even know about it.<P>I confronted my coworker about why she was in my business...she said that the OW was her friend and she had heard these rumors (NOT from me) and she wanted to check them out.<P>So here I am again, my H is feeling like I've LB'd him. I DIDN'T do it<P>We were in a good spot the last two days and now it's all tense. I cracked a joke and he said there was nothing funny anymore!<P>I feel like I'm going to throw up!<P><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali

Hi Cali,<P>No it is not fair that you are the butt of his anger. However, it is fair to say that this A is now a noticeable thing and not without your assistance. Is you H aware of that and how does he feel to know that others are talking about him? <P>My H didn't want anyone to talk but that could not be avoided. It was too obvious that an A was going on. So I put that portion of the burden on H. Part of he made his bed now he needed to sleep in it. This is a jolt to reality. It bothered him a bit but he carried that guilt not me. <P>No need to handle as far as I can see. Give it to him and let him handle it. H accused me of starting rumors. I just said nope, you did that one by yourself. It didn't need any help from me. <P>L.

Well let's see............. You are the betrayed spouse yet your H is questioning you?<P>Hmmmmmmmmmm............<P>I say if you didn't do anything-and especially anything wrong-you don't need to be stewing over this.<P>You did of course tell him the story you told here didn't you?<P>Hang in there-and don't throw up-LOL You will be OK-just do a good job and let the rest fly.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."<p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited May 15, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>Give it to him and let him handle it. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Yes, he's gotten really good at making me feel like this situation is all my fault. I am so easily guilted. I know I talked about it at work but I never said her name...only called her the OW.<P>And, people are talking. I even heard from my babysitter that students at his/her school are talking about them.<P>It makes me SICK! <P>I am able to access his cell phone voice mail from another phone and tonight, while I am at my school's open house, she left a disgustingly sweet message. "I miss you. I love you." UUUGGHHH!<P>So, when I get home he will get it in stereo. Oh, I missed you today. I love you. Everything (to a point, I don't call him baby) she says in her messages, I find a way to say. I wonder if he'll ever catch on.<P>Thanks.<BR><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali

You just hang in there. This is typical fog talk, blaming BS for OW troubles!!! Nothing new, happens all the time. I know you feel so violated - but, YOU know the truth. You cannot control what other people do, and you must not accept personal responsibility for it as well.<P>Hold your head up high and continue to be the sweet person you are. EVENTUALLY the truth will lift the fog. It's just not your job to defend yourself, or to cast any stones. Just do the best you can do in your relationship and interaction with your husband, and he will someday realize what a jewel he has.<P>Take Care.<BR>TnT