Does this really work? I am reading the book SAA and I have read lots of the stuff here.<P>I feel like this is consuming my life. I overthink and over analyze everything H says or does. I can't understand how he can talk about a future with me and still have this EA with OW. (I know they still talk and email each other.) I don't think there's been anything physical since d-day.<BR> Just this am he told me to save a certain new dress for when we go out together.... Earlier this week we talked about summer vacation and our moving to a new city when his credential work is done.... So much confusion.<P>Those of you who are into months of this, how did you do it?How did your WS come out of the 'fog'. What happened to make them realize they wanted to stay in the marriage?<BR>Was it gradually? Did a certain event trigger it?<P>My WS seems to be in the 'have his cake, and eat it too' phase. He has a girlfriend and a wife. He won't read any of the stuff, because he keeps saying he just doesn't want to be married anymore. (He even says, he doesn't see himself with the OW...wonder what she'd think about that?)<P>Thanks for listening. If you saw my post from yesterday, I am just feeling the after effects of all that emotion. I had a very emotional draining, messy childhood, and I don't like going through all this drama. <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali

Hey Cali - try keeping some sort of record of how you feel, just a couple of lines a day. I bet that you will begin to see a difference soon. There are always going to be some very, very bad days, when all you can do is sob your heart out at the unfairness of it all. But those days do start to get fewer and farther between. The 'good' days really should be retitled 'OK days' or 'numb days' to be more accurate - but gradually you will catch yourself smiling at something, enjoying something, or suddenly realise that you haven't thought of the affair for the past 20 minutes. I'm just over a month after D-Day now, and my really bad days are now down to about two or three days per week, which seems awful, but is better than it was 3 weeks ago, and means that nearly 60% of the time I feel OK. Spending hours on this message board, and others, helps tremendously too. I've also succumbed and gone on the Prozac (yesterday), so I'm hoping that will help me cope too!<P>Keep swimming,<BR>hugs, Paint

Yes it works! Sometimes it takes time, but I'm here to tell you - it works!<P>Affairs normally die within 2 years, a natural death. Whether it is EA or PA, or whether he is denial isn't what is important - it is important that you do not lovebust.<P>Protect your "relationship" with your husband. Too often we think we are protecting our relationship - but really, we are trying to enforce a contract. There is a difference. A relationship is the interaction you have. <P>If he doesn't want to follow any of the material, or read books, it is okay - you can do this from just your end. I would say that 99% of us oldtimers who have our marriages restored started fixing our marriages in the midst of the fog and the midst of the affair. It DOES work.<P>Read EVERYTHING you can about lovebusters and lovebank deposits. That is where you start.... <P>TnT

As you can tell, I was very emotional today. When others start to know your business and butt in, it changes the whole dynamics. <P>I found a devotional about Ephesians 5:33 and wrote him something that included that passage:<P>“However, let each man of you (without exception) love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband—that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.”<BR>--Ephesians 5:33<P>I only needed to hear God’s word to know how to act in our marriage:<P>Respect: I will listen to your opinions and points of view. What you say is important.<P>Reverence: I look to your guidance in making decisions for our children and our family. <P>Notice: My heart still beats faster when I hear you pull up into the driveway. I am anxious to be home when away.<P>Regard:I think of you and a smile comes to my face.<P>Honor: I will not let other friendships or my job interfere with us. <P>Prefer: I cannot imagine a life without you. You are the man I would pick to be my husband over and over again.<P>Venerate: I will not discuss our private life with anyone but you. <P>Esteem: I value highly you, your thoughts, your work, everything about you.<P>Defer to: You are the husband and I am the wife. “Wither thou goest, so too will I.” If I had to do it again, obey would be put into our vows.<P>Praise: I will praise you, your presence, your work and your love for our family.<P>Love: You are my love, my passion. When we are together, I feel whole. <P>Admire: You are so capable and creative. I love how you care so much for your students. I love reading your scribblings on paper. I love watching you in a play.<P>I have been leaving him these kinds of writings since d-day. I have been using action to back them up. <P>While going to dinner tonight, we talked of moving in the future. He talked about plans that included me and our children. I have a very good feeling.<P>Also, I can access his cell phone voicemail from any phone and happened to catch a message from OW that had much attitude. "What you're not calling me now? The least you could do would be to call me while your driving home... I love you, I miss you..." Hmmm. LB???<P>Thanks for all your words of support.<P><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali