Rundown: <BR>H had a 3 month long EA that ended when i found out.... and no contact since. H still refuses to call it an affair emotional or otherwise.<P><BR>Just a vent:<BR> Background : about 4 years ago before i met my husband i had an affair with a married man.... I did not know that he was married until 6 months into the affair. To my shame i did not end it... It ended about 3 months after that when his wie found out.... she had called me at work and cussed me up one side and down the other ( now understandable) however at the time i was mean and ruthless to her..... that one phone call was our only contact... anyhow beifly while replying to someones post here. I had mentioned how guilty i now felt about that affair and how sorry i was for it.... i also toyed with the idea of writting hera letter of apoligy.......however many here said to let it go seeing as how long it has been since the affair. ANy other feedbak on that is welcome too.<BR> the vent: anyhow after i posted that i talked with my H and told him how bad i felt cause of what i did to their marraige all those years ago also saying that it had to happen to me before i realized how much pain it caused..... H's response.... do you really see what you did and what me and OW did in the same light of what happened?... it wasnt the same.<BR> grrrrrrrrrrr iwanted to hit him........ however..... my reply was..... I messed with her marriage and caused alot of hurt same as OW did to me...... he however still seems to be in denial to what happened.... it wasnt an affair blah blah blah......... my outlook is if it affects your marriage and causes secrets and lies and deception then its an affair reguardless if you had sex or not....... how do i get my H to understand this.........very frustrating.....<P>ANother Vent: H seems to know an aweful lot about a NEW co worker...... how disgruntling<BR>need i say more<BR>thanks all for listening<BR>OB<P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

Oncebetrayed I am sorry your having a bad day. I don't have anything useful to say to help you but I know how it feels when a post is left unanswered especially when your hurting already. <BR>The letter to the OW, I am 50/50 on that. Part of me says yes you do owe her an apology and the other part says don't open up her old wounds.

Hi OB, You just vent away girl, get it all out your system, go and punch the hell out a pillow! Your husband is still WAY deep in that fog isn't he? Just hang on and keep the faith that he'll get out of it eventually. Hope you're feeling better this evening - take care, Paint

Thanx for the replies......<BR>Paint: Im not sure if fog is the right word. To me Fog means still feeling for OW or the affair..... I dont think that is the case. Maybe a different phraselike....EA denial or something<BR>i dunno<BR>thats all im going to say for now otherwise ill never quit typing<P>------------------<BR>"The human Heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment; Success intoxicates it to presumption and disappointment defects and terrifies it."<BR>~~Valney~~

I wouldn't send a letter like that if I were you. It was obviously a long time ago. If I saw the xOW in public somewhere and she apologized it would be one thing. (Not that I would hold my breath. I've heard a phony apology from her before and she isn't sorry). But if I were to go out and gt my mail and find a letter from her I would feel that it was an attempt to rip the scab off and infiltrate herself into our lives. JMO