Just need to vent a while. It's getting so hard to try to continue with Plan A while he keeps talking to his "best friend" via e-mail, telephone, on-line chat, and IM. It makes me SO MAD.......I HATE COMPUTERS!!!!!! Would like to smash his into bits!!!! And he blames me for ALL of our problems. He won't talk to me and tell me his plans or what he's thinking and I feel like I'm just sitting around spinning my wheels getting nowhere, so then I push him to talk and say things I know he won't like, but then I get a response.......anything to know he's still there. I feel so stupid. Have regressed to crying all the time and I know he hates this. Try to not do it in his presence, but sometimes it just hurts too much. Feel like I don't know what the right things are to do because he always finds fault with whatever it is. Will this ever get better or should I just give up, stop Plan A, give back the incriminating e-mails, let him go on and hope it dies a natural death and then he can decide what to do. Am so tired and stressed and yes I've talked to Dr. Harley, but can't afford to do so very often and when I do, I get ridiculed for it because money is in very short supply. I just want to scream and hit things and throw things and smash the computer and pitch a royal fit!! Have work to do, but can't get motivated at all. Have to go, can't take time off because we have to have the $$$$........have 2 young children and I hear ridicule if I try to take time off for myself. Says he has to suck it up and go on, why can't I? BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE FOR YEARS ON END, DAY AFTER DAY AND IT WASN'T APPRECIATED BY ANYONE......NOT HIM, NOT THE PEOPLE AT WORK.......NOONE!!!!!!!!!!! If I didn't have 2 little people that need me so badly, I wouldn't be here now........oblivion is looking good again. Thanks for letting me vent........maybe I can at least get through the day now.<BR>hugs to all......you guys are great!! I stand in awe as I read your posts of what you've been through and how you help others........this forum is truly a blessing from God.<P>lonelyheart

((((((lonelyheart)))))))<P>I'm sorry you're having a rough few days.<P>I have no good advice for you but it sounds like you just need to vent, vent, and vent some more today. Do it! It's what we're here for! It WILL get better, you WILL feel better, it's just a matter of time. <P>Wish you were in WA state -- I'd take your kids for a week so you could pamper a bit or just curl up in a ball and stare at the wall until you feel better...<P>Snow<p>[This message has been edited by Snowwhite (edited May 17, 2001).]

Hi Lonelyheart:<P>It is difficult when the WS continues to pursue the A relationship at the expense of your own....but you have to continue to look at it knowing he is in the "fog" and he really can't see anything else. What you are doing for right now is building a framework for a better you and a better marriage once his head clears from the fog.<P>I'm sure you've heard from a lot of MB oldies that this is hard...well, that's true...very hard...and no one is perfect at it...no one can be because some very fundamental feelings are involved. And the WS has the buttons to push to make us the most upset...and they do...because at this time they want the other relationship at the expense of the marriage if necessary. So arguing, begging, reasoning...nothing will work...they can't hear and until they are ready to hear your words and arguments will fall on deaf ears. But one thing that does get through all this fog is changes in the way you treat them...maybe it's not apparent but they do notice the change. Perhaps they won't admit it now...but in time they may.<P>If you have listen carefully to your WS complaints and tried to work on correcting some of those mistakes and have demonstrated that changes is possible, then you will notice that instead of acknowledging the change they will decide that some other area is the real cause of the breakdown in the marriage....correct that and it will become something else...it's maddening...but it's the fog. <P>The best thing for you to do is be dilligent and steadfast in your efforts to change and not get discouraged by his lack of response. The fact that he continues to find fault is his effort to maintain the fantasy...but like a "house of cards" its doomed to fail because it is not reality and it will soon crumble. You just have to be around to pick up the pieces....a stronger and better partner with a new perspective on what it takes to make your marriage work. That's your job right now. Try not to get drawn into the fantasy yourself...someone has to have their feet on the ground right now and....although it's not fair and it's not right...that's you. <P>You're going good...keep it up. Bless you. <P>Faye