What is it with career alcoholics that they can lie to your face as well as they breathe?? I can't get it?! My H is one<BR>I just found about his latest lies, and I'm blown away at the skill of it all, I mean is it that hard to be honest? Even about something that is trival, like how he got injured. His side is his bro. beat him, bro. & wife say he provoked it all! Why for Gods sake do they keep doing stupid s*** when they know the out come, and then wonder why your at your wits end! Someone HELP!!!

last try,<P>Hi there, Orchid asked me to pop over here from the divorcing board and answer your post - and here I am! <P>There is no use trying to understand the <B>Why</B> of anything when it comes to an addict, especially alcoholic lies. Going down that path is the quickest way to insanity that I know. My H is an unrecovered alcoholic, and all he has to do is open his mouth for lies to pop out. Like your H, mine lies about everything and anything, often when there is no reason. Well...I take it back...there is a reason, but not one that anyone else could possibly discern. Alcoholics live their lives driven by two things: Resentment, and Fear. Their fears and resentments may not make sense to anyone else but themselves. But trust me, its very real. <P>So, you have a choice. You can make yourself crazy and waste alot of your life trying to understand your alcoholic relatives and friends....or you can live your life, and let them live theirs.<P>Have you been to Al-Anon? I can't more strongly recommend that you go find a meeting in your local area. You will learn how to live your life with serenity, whether your alcoholic spouse is drinking or not. The international website is at <A HREF="http://www.al-anon.org/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.al-anon.org/</A> or you can probably find a local listing in your phone book. If not, call Alcoholics Anonymous, they'll have Al-Anon numbers also.<P>((((hugs)))) I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Thanks BR, I know its an impossible thing, trying to figure it out. Just my nature, I tried to go to one once and couldn't find the place. I'd like to though.. My H doesn't claim the title of alcoholic, never has and I doubt ever will. I hope I will get more posts with some more insights,<BR>right now I'm just really really numb, this latest binge totally took me by surprize? Thanks again, if you or anyone has any more pearls I'd sure appreciate it.

I'll direct you to a different site for dealing with alcoholism:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.healthrecovery.com" TARGET=_blank>www.healthrecovery.com</A> <P>It is a totally different approach to treating this disease. Your H has a chemical problem. Most people don't realize the profound effect alcohol has on the brain chemistry of the addict. Please check out the website, or pick up "Seven Weeks to Sobriety" at a local bookstore. <P>Bramblerose, you might want to do this as well. While most of the information flies in the face of traditional treatments (like AA), they have an amazing success rate. They treat alcoholism as a physiological condition, not a willpower problem. Very interesting stuff indeed...

cjack, I've been following some of the studies. Thanks for the site...very very interesting. I hope that one day they do find a cure for the physical side of this addiction!!!<P>We'll still need 12 step programs though, to deal with the spiritual and emotional effects of the disease though, especially for the family members who aren't addicted phsycially, but "catch" the disease themselves. Just like I did! <P>When they get a medical cure for spiritual disease, I'll be a happy chick!! <BR><P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

LT,<P>Addiction is a very cunning thing...<BR>Believe me I know...I'm an addict...<P>Manipulation is the biggest tool of the trade...<BR>When in the grips of any addiction, the most ipmortant thing is the getting, and using and finding ways and means to get more...<P>Lieing is second nature to the addict, after all most are lieing to themselves in denial of thier own problems...<P>Then comes the insanity...<BR>Know we are destroying ourselves, yet unwilling to acknowlege it and yes lieing about anything to maintain our miserable lifestyle..<P>Alcohol is only a symptom of the disease...It is a way to ease the pain of living...When one is under the influence or caught in the grips, one cannot distinguish right and wrong...Boundries get skewwed and we will get away with anything and everything we can to maintain our miserable lifestyle...<P>You can get recovery for yourself...The loved ones of addicts wreck thier own lives trying to "make" the addict stop thier behavior...It only makes things worse...We refuse to be controlled by anything besides our drug of choice...Al-Anon will give you the tools to get your own life managable...Once you start on that path you will no longer give the addict power of you...<P>I hope this brief post helps you to understand...<P>Much Love,<P>Bill