Hi Belldandy,<P>Oh good, I am glad I don't have a criminal record in your mind. I believe I am still considered a good citizen in this community. No outstanding tickets or anything. (just kidding). I do however believe that there is a type of criminal mind involved in those who are in an A. They run in the same arena of lies and deceit. One may just not be as illegal but all are immoral. <P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by belldandy:<BR><B>Orchid,<P><BR>I am always aghast when I think of the XOW's involvement in our marriage. She seems to have the b*lls of an elephant when it comes to swanning right in and taking control of H's problems. Most women would have told him to go to h*ll and rot (I certainly would have). What gave her that right? What makes her think that she had any business in our lives? Isn't there a time when you just blow the whistle and call a permanent time-out?<P>Isn't that what most sane people do?<P>I am convinced that she would have become an absolute menace had my H been involved with her any longer - and I mean a menace for *life.* She was so enthralled with him, she couldn't see straight; he got her to do all kinds of idiotic, bizarro, immoral things to cover and rescue his butt that even *I* wouldn't have done. Now, SHE was a classic co-dependent, if I've ever seen one!<P>Just venting today - feels good ...<P>belld</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Now I have an answer to your question about why the OW feels she needs to be H's problem solver. I figured it out thanks to a direct quote from OW:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Orchid:<BR><B>Hi Belldandy, <P><BR>Here's a partial of OW's e-mail to H back in Feb. <P>"We not only have sexual love but emotional love and we've fallen in love in our hearts. Perhaps our relationship is better than a marriage? Perhaps it IS a marriage. A real one."<P><BR>A confessed EA/PA!!!<P>One for Ripley's Believe It or Nut!!!!)</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>How is that for a reason?!!?!?<P>L.<P><BR>

Orchid,, you ok today?<BR>is the witch still flying her broom? <smile>

Orchid:<P>Sorry PB (love that one!) is still clinging. In my experience these OW DON'T go away - not that my WS did much about it. But my point is that the OW will not allow your marriage to recover as long as you WS allows it. No real advice, just thinking of you.

Hi C1 and LWM, <P>Thanks for your care and support. Yep, she is still flying. Look up, there she goes. Off into fantasy land. Oops, now she is going back in time to create more havoc. <P>Since my last post, there have been multiple phone call (at least a dozen or more) attempts to contact H (he has ignored all but 2), left 2 more messages on the voicemail machine. H has tried to close it again but since it is paid up to EOM, it is still active. <P>Let's see from her last 2 voicemails, I have been accused of estranging H from his friends and family, our home, son and I are detrimental to H's happiness, according to OW H only needs her support since the W (me) does not support H only takes from him, we depress him, she needs to talk with him and she is getting a bit frustrated with only having the ability to leave voicemails. Just can't reach out and touch someone right now. OW says it is ok for H to lie to me as long as he is truthful with her. Makes up dates of their meetings. Makes up future meeting times and makes up bogus voicemail numbers that H does not have access to but she claims he does. <P>Basically she has taken statements made in the past, twisted it slightly and made it appear along with other embellishments as if it happened yesterday. She has done this before and now H is hearing himself. Based on this, H is saying she is selfish and a bit off. <P>This is progress. The last voicemail came last night while we were out to dinner. She pages and calls him all the time. He even let one of his cell accounts be closed so that is one less ph# for OW to get to H on. <P>I told H this morning, this message stuff is getting old and I am getting irritated. Because it is stupid and I don't want to be dealing with it any longer. I feel he is feeling the same way. Just need to be a bit more patient. <P>Where is that LB Fairie. I have a job for you lady!!!!<BR>Bring the big stick!!!!<P>Hanging as best as we can. H smiled a bit, that is a good sign. Hoping all will have a bit of happiness over this 3 day weekend. <P>Hey Sing, if you read this do you get Monday off as a holiday? <P>..... the novel continues. How much do you think we could all get if we made all this stuff in a made for TV movie? I think we have better material than those hollywood writers. Just kidding.<P>Gotta laugh and make them wonder what we are up to......<P>Take Care all,<BR>L.<P><BR>

HI Orchid,<BR>I think maybe you and h need to talk about changing the numbers. How can one rebuild trust and work toward recovery with this going on? The deal is no contact.<BR>Maybe the long weekend will give you some extra time to work on this?<BR>cl

Hi CL,<P>You are right. Let's see, as of this afternoon out of the 4 numbers setup, 2 are closed. 2 down, 2 to go. <P>H seems to be a bit more upbeat. But you can never be sure. So I am still being cautious. <P>Mahalo,<BR>L.

psycho babble! I like that one. It could be the insane cow is just trying to mess with your mind & push you into a conflict with your H. She sounds really desperate & maybe even crazy. How much $ has been paid on the service. Can you cancel it now & just swallow the leftover $. Or is there still the cell phone #'s. I guess we all have to try to find something to laugh at. You said you had something else going on too. If you have to have a test of some sort for health reasons, I hope everything goes ok. You have been a great support to me in my time of insanity!!<P>What is is with these men? They feel sorry for these women & the circumstances they manipulate to cry on our H's shoulders. They are blind that the OW's are manipulating them for their own selfish reasons & getting something out of it. I wish for once they'd take off the blinders & give it to OW straight!! To back off, dont call, that they cant/wont help them, really truly want nothing more to do with them etc & that OW needs to go to social or psych services or hire some other handyman to fix whatever they need. Just to be blunt!!<P>Can you leave the outgoing message on your machine that is a recording of both of you together & be kind of laughing on it?? My friends used to have a message like that "hi this is Jane, and this is Joe. WE are not available right now but please leave msg etc with some funny music on it. <P>Dont let her get to you! (This from me?? Look who's talking!!) We are better than them, right! Didn't you tell me we're still the ones with the license! <BR>Catch you later, CLG.

Go Orchid!!!!!!!!<BR>

<<Another chapter in this crazy 'A' novel:<BR>This one should be entitled: I did a bad bad thing!!!>><P>Thank goodness that I'm not the only one whose life with my H and his OW is Soap Opera-ish!! I feel for you, honey, because I have some wild scenarios that would make most women's blood boil, yet I've been able to handle these engagements with.....shall I say ---- professionalism.....LOL! <P>I'm pleased to see that you and your H are closely following the steps suggested by the Drs. Harley. Your posts have given me the encouragement that I needed in order to deal with the crazy-like relationship involving my H, the OW and life in general. She's a psychiatrist' dream come true......LMAO! <P>Please do not think that I'm making light of your situation by chuckling, but if I didn't laugh.....I'd cry until I died. Stay steady and hang tough!!<P>------------------<BR>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!<P>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited May 25, 2001).]<P>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited May 25, 2001).]<P>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited May 25, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited May 25, 2001).]

Thinking of you Orchid! You have definitely been supportive of me and others! Hang on for the ride. Remember you are the WIFE. The crazier she acts, the more your H should wake up!

Hi all,<P>Thanks for all your encouragement. <P>Clg, <BR>Glad to hear from you. Yep, we need to keep each other going. Good idea on the family message. We used to have it that way. Only my phone numbers are on there now. <P>The changes are a bit slow for me but I need to cultivate patience. <P>CL & GL,<P>Many of us can write material for these crazy soap operas. It might be considered plaguarizing since the OW often acts out those roles and tries to make them real. For me, it is ok to laugh. Otherwise how else would you relieve the stress. I am trying not to take things too seriously. People who chose to do dumb things deserve to be laughed at. H could never really laugh at himself. If I did something stupid, I would laugh at myself. I also worked harder at not doing that. <P>Anyway, when H laughted at the laundry bag incident (there is a separate post on that one - real funny), then I knew he had the ability to work on recovery. It was like getting recognition from someone in a coma. <P>I use the phrase, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. I mean it. I try hard to live by that. <P>LWM,<BR>Support goes both ways in this arena. Everyone here needs support. The latest is that OW tried again to get H to get to lunch with her. He declined then she told him she was having a business lunch with a man. When H said, then why are you inviting me, OW said, well I could cancel it. <P>Does that make sense? Cancel a business luncheon? Or did she really have one. So far H does not appear to have strayed today although I know OW has made today tough on him. This is something that he himself will have to get over. We can help and support him but he needs to do this for himself. <P>Tonight we took our son and his cousin to see the movie Shrek. Funny movie. It was good to see H laugh. <P>Thanks again for all your support. <P>Mahalo,<BR>L.<P>

Hey Orchid:<P>Glad that your H is being strong. The saddest part to all of this is that WS's are not strong and it seems that these OW really prey on that! Perhaps there is something to that and affairs??? Took my boys to see that movie too and they enjoyed as well. Hope you have a good weekend with H.