OH MY-I AM JUST FUMING HERE. READ ANN LANDERS TODAY. THAT GAL WILL HEAR FROM ME-AND I HOPE FROM MANY OF YOU TOO.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Hi Hon, it's me new_beginning with my new hip name!!<P>Is this the article you're talking about? --> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008972.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008972.html</A> <P>If so, we've seen it... and actually have some differing opinions... go read it and see!!<P>(((((heartache)))))<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Hi Sheryl-<P>No that is NOT it. It was in our paper today herre in Washington State. I am trying right now to find out how I write back to her. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-she makes me mad.<P>By the way-tell me what the new name is-how do you say it exactly-LOL I must be dense.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

You're not dense, and soulloss told me how to say it... I'll go find it -- in the meantime, here's what it means:<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008966.html" TARGET=_blank>What does Nyneve Mean?</A><P>Be right back!<P>What did Ann say?<P>Here's what soulloss said: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Nyneve......a long forgotton sorceress........ Nin-ave...is a pronunciation of it...<P>an excerpt from Steinbeck:<P>Merlin sees the damsel Nyneve, brought to court by Sir Pellinore, and falls in love. "He knew that his fate was upon him," (Steinbeck, 121). He persued her and wouldn't let her rest. He traded her company for his magic arts, for she was a damsel of the Lady of the Lake.<P>she goes on indeed to, 'learn her lessons', and protects Arthur and Camelot......<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited May 17, 2001).]

Gggggrrrrrr-my darn scanner isn't working right. I will type it out.<P><BR>Dear Ann Landers:<BR>"MY first marriage ended because my husband cheated on me. I was furious with him and angry with the OW for making herself available to him. Now that I have walked a mile in the OW's shoes I see things differently. I became friendly with a married couple and discovered her H and I liked the same books, movies and so on. We ended up having an affair. After that, I understood how easy it is for such a thing to happen.<BR>I have some advice for the wives who read your column, and I hope they will lsiten. While your H may be giving the best of himself to his GF and leaving his socks on the floor for you to pick up, there is more to it than that. I am giving your H the admiration and unconditional love he needs. He tells me he can't impress you any more. You see hjim as the breadwinner, the guy who does the ayrd work. I see him as my knight in shining armor.<BR>We laugh over things you have no time for. I never ignore him because the baby is crying or the dishes need washing. He shares sorrows with me that he would never burden you with because you have so much other stuff to deal with. I don't compare him to my sister's H who earns six figures, or my friend's H who just bought a beautiful 4 bedroom home.<BR>I think everything he does is wonderful. I don't amke him feel inadequate be cause of what he doesn't have. To me, he is still sexy, even though he is older, grayer, and has put on a few pounds. He doesn't have to change anything about himsself. I love him jsut the way he is.<BR>Married women should remember that all males have fragile egos, and tearing them down accomplishes nothing. I build my man up, and he loves me. I am -The OW in Wisconsin<P>Ann wrote:<BR>"I hope the wives in my reading audience will pay close attention to what you wrote. While I don't approve of your A, you have given my readers some real insight, which is more valuable than anything I might say. Thank you.<P>AM I NUTS OR DOES THIS MAKE ANYONE ELSE ANGRY LIKE I AM?<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Is this the article you are talking about?<BR> <A HREF="http://www.creators.com/lifestyle/landers/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.creators.com/lifestyle/landers/</A> <P>Ann's answer to question one shows me that her understanding of affairs and the possibilities of recovering one's marriage is limited. Her response to the wife should have been more like: "There's every possibility that Walter may be trying to find a way back into the marriage because he has realized he made a mistake. Look into your heart and find forgiveness ... give the marriage one more try. Love can be restored with the right attitude and the support of a knowledgeable and successful marriage counselor. You and your children are worth that effort - and so is Walter."<P>How did I do? Do I get an "A"? <P>sb

HI SB-THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT BUT THAT ISN'T THE RIGHT ONE EITHER. I JUST POSTED IT ABOVE YOUR. WE MUST HAVE BEEN TYPING AT THE SAME TIME <P>YOU STILL GET AN "A".<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Hi Heartache:<P>I read today's column too and it upset me too. Is this it?...if it isn't then it's still food for thought.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> From Ann Landers Column<P><B> DEAR ANN LANDERS:</B> My first marriage ended because my husband cheated on me. I was furious with him and angry with the Other Woman for making herself available to him. Now that I have walked a mile in the Other Woman's shoes, I see things differently. I became friendly with a married couple and discovered that her husband and I liked the same books, music, movies, and so on. We ended up having an affair. After that, I understood how easy it is for such a thing to happen.<P>I have some advice for the wives who read your column, and I hope they will listen. While your husband may be giving the best of himself to his girlfriend and leaving his socks on the floor for you to pick up, there is more to it than that. I am giving your husband the admiration and unconditional love he needs. He tells me he can't impress you anymore. You see him as the breadwinner, the guy who does the yard work. I see him as my knight in shinning armor,<P>We laugh over things you have no time for. I never ignore him because the baby is crying or the dishes need washing. He shares sorrows with me that he would never burden you with because you have so much other stuff to deal with. I don't compare him to my sister's husband who earns six figures, or my friend's husband who just bought a beautiful four-bedroom house.<P>I think everyting he does is wonderful. I don't make him feel inadequate because of what he doesn't have. To me, he is still sexy even though he is older, grayer and has put on a few pounds. He doesn't have to change anything about himself. I love him just the way he is.<P>Married women should remember that all males have fragile egos, and tearing them down accomplishes nothing. I build my man up and he loves me. I am -- <B>THE OTHER WOMAN IN WISCONSIN .<P>DEAR OTHER WOMAN:</B> I hope the wives in my reading audience will pay close attention to what you have written. While I don't approve of your affair; you have given my reader's some real insight, which is more valuable than anything I might say. Thank you. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>OH, plee--ee--zzzzzz. Poor old WS...what he had to put up with. This is certainly OW and WS view of this matter that's for sure. <P><BR>Faye<p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited May 17, 2001).]

FAYE-<P>THAT IS IT!!!!<P>Does that make you want to jump up and down and throw a fit or is it just me?<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

hmmm.. what I got out of that article you typed out, is that this OW is in the fog. We all know that the things she is doing for 'her man' is exactly what's happening in many of our situations. She's just fulfilling some of his EN's. REAL life isn't a factor in it. <P>And what i got out of Ann Landers' response, was that hopefully wives out there will read that and make changes in how they treat their husbands... to make that effort to fulfill his needs.<P>That's just me though. <P>Karen<BR>

Topie-<P>I will agree-I am sure Ann feels like maybe the wives will make enough effort to treat their men properly.<P>I just can't believe this gal thinks her life will always be so "rosy".<P>I can't wait until she feels the need to "read her own words".<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

It just occurred to me that a letter from WH would be appropriate. Here it is:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Dear Ann Landers:<P>I have been married for ten years...but my wife doesn't understand me....she spends almost no time with me (the house,the children and her two jobs keeps her too busy.)<BR>I have been unemployed for the last two years, but expect to find a job as soon as my unemployment runs out. <P>My wife has gained a little weight in the last few years..and resents my comparing her to the sexy blond who lives next door. I of course look better then the day we were married (the extra pounds look good on me because I'm so muscular)<P>That little blond next door and I have been having an affair for 4 months now. She told me she enjoyed all kinds of music and books, including some that I like...but we mostly just have sex because she likes it so much...and I tell her anything she wants to hear. She babies me...lets me know how wonderful I really am...tells me how sexy I am now that I'm getting older... She's so wonderful. So different from my wife. And the best part of it is that she wants nothing from me but my love. Must be my animal magnatism. Gets um every time. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know my WH could have written this (except for the sexy blond...unless it's an ugly bleached out blond).<P>Faye

Buffy-well put!!!!<P>I like that a lot!!<P>I have the worst time putting my feelings in to words. You did it just fantastic!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Oh, I think we all ought to send that OW all the H's dirty laundry. Watch out, someone may put dog poop inside. <P>This is in reference to an older post: <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002539.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002539.html</A> <P>Then maybe there might be soo much time doing all the EA/PA stuff. Really this OW is bragging and spewing a bunch of hot air. This is after being this OW has been on both sides of the issue. Let them do all the neccesary things in life. See if they still have energy to burn. Hmmph.<P>Me and my 2 cents.<P>L.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited May 18, 2001).]

Hi there, <P> YES, this stuff makes me furious!......no wonder affairs are so justified and accepted these days.<P>I'll never forget when I first found out about my H's A and Ann Landers column that day was also about cheating .The line at the end was something like" if a man is fed at home he won't go out for dessert".........!!!! LU

Hi <P>I went to bed last night so didn't get to see this until this morning...<P>Well... BLECH!! and about what I'm reading here... <P>Ann is no expert, but sometimes she seems to hit it somewhere close to the mark -- but not too often, in my opinion. I NEVER read her in the paper because it just so often makes me mad.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

It is not about how the wife feels about the husband, it is about how the husband feels about himself. Pittman said that it was not that the wife doesn't understand him, it was that she understands him too well. The OW is someone whom he has not hurt yet. <P>What the OW doesn't get is that he is projecting all his anger at himself because he feels inadequate on his wife. People with adequate self-esteem don't have affairs, whether their spouse treats them badly or well.<BR>

Where the that women in that article get off. I bet if she married that man she would be singing a different toon.

Thanks to<P>ORCHID<P>LU<P>SHERYL<P>NELLIE<P>I like what you all ahd to say about this. What makes me so angry is that Ann-in her dense mind-can actually print something like this without having any knowledge.<P>What Nellie says is so right-he who likes himself doesn't have these type of thoughts. It IS about one's own self-esteem.<P>I know there are people out there in bad marriages-I had one myself.<P>But this time around I have never ever stopped lovong my H for an hour-let alone long enough for him to begin to justify having an A. The OW wanted him-persued him-got him and then blamed him. He got what he had coming so far as I am concerned.<P>But to send this type of message out to innocent wives jsut frosts my cake.<P>Thanks to all of you! Don't know what I would do without any of ya <P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Mon-a different tune indeed! And chances are she is blowing smoke already. Makes herself out to sound like the pefect little mrs doesn't she?<P>I will watch for an update from her-LOL<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."