He tells me last night that he is paying for the hotel room she reserved for them when he goes on his trip. When I asked him why he was not satisfied with me, he tells me he is and when I said then why are you seeking something from her, he says "I want to." I started to tear up and my voice cracked and he said I am tired of you crying we aren't discussing this.<P>I left. He is so cold. How can he say I satisfy him but he wants her. It is too much for me. He wants her, he can have her. I am not going to humiliate myself any longer. He wants me for stability, support, financial stability and to be there for him and his kids but he wants her too. <P>I love him so much but I can't be a doormat. I guess he never really wanted me or loved me. <P>I just hope I have the strength to stay away.

Hey 2nd,your not he is.2nd that is.All I can tell you at this point is read,read,read.The basic concepts here are going to help you from now on.I just begane my self and am sooo glad I Landed here!It's going to be a long hard road but if you want to you will get there.So go read! NTK

((((((((hug)))))))))<P>My heart goes out to you. I agree about reading, reading, reading from this site. And posting, posting, posting.<P>Have you told his family? They may be able to help while he is on his trip. Does the OW know he is married? He may be lying to her.<P>I just don't know what else to say to you because I know how terrible you feel and I know that nothing I say can make it better. Do you have anyone to help you through this? A sister? A close friend? You need to gather together all of the support you can find. <P>You now need to put a plan together to get yourself through this mentally and physically healthy. Then you also need a plan on how to handle him and your marriage.<P>The other day someone suggested that while he is gone you pack his stuff up and put it outside for him to pick up. I still think this situation warrents that. I think a tough plan B from the start is your best bet in this situation.<P>You say you have children. Be careful about leaving your children with him. He could tell a court that you abandoned them and him. So move back into your house as soon as you can. He is the one who needs to move out. He is being cruel beyond belief.<P>Hope my 2 cents helps you.<BR>E<P>

She knows he is married...<P>I can't get his family involved. He would never forgive me.<P>I move to California in 3 weeks. I am going to stay with friends until then.<P>He wants her, he can have her. I am going to start over and not be second.<P>My son is his stepson so we have no worries there<P>Thanks

I'm sorry to hear that he acted like that. Just stay strong. I think your moving out will put a damper on his weekend with her. If the weekend stinks and he comes crawling back to you stay strong. He needs a major attitude adjustment before he deserves you. Keep your friends close for support. Use them and this board for your venting and frustrations. DON'T let your husband see your pain. Tell him you've had it with his selfish and disrespectful behavior. It's amazing how sometimes someone that doesn't look for available can give a person second thoughts.

I think your H does need a wake up call. Where are you staying now? How long have you been married? I think that your husband may think that you are bluffing and when he returns from his weekend with the OW and he may feel that he can say the right things for you not to leave, but only after he has his weekend. He is clearly in his fog and is not going to take anything you may say to him to heart. So if you are serious about going into a PLAN B, then stick to it. I think that is where so many Plan B's fail, which leaves the betrayed spouse to not be taken seriously.

First thing you need to do is change your handle here..<BR>YOU ARE NOT 2ND BEST!!!!...you are THE BEST..the second thing you need to do is Stay away. He is a horriable example of a man for your son..his attitude is amazing...who does he thing he is??? Mel Gibson???(no flame on Mel...he has been a faithful H)...You are a wonderful person, caring and giving..I could tell by your post, how heartbroken you were. Please go To CA, and start over...if he comes crawling back...YOU set the rules. remember he is an example to your son, and when children are involved, they have to be the utmost concern..Good luck to you BEST...take care of you and your son..((((HUGGS)))) MyCross

Hi 2nd Best:<P>I know it is hard not to be reactionary when this is hurting you so bad but please take your time in deciding what is best for you to do.<P>Yes, he's being an A** but if you've read enough here you'll find that's common. Getting back at you, unmet needs, past problems...they're just excuses for doing what he wants to do (he said so himself)...right now this distraction is important to him...she's meeting some need...and as unfortunate as it is...right now he won't let you meet his needs because he's enjoying himself too much (in the fog)...and you really have no choice but to either stay and endure what happens and try to work on the EN he will let you meet after his selfish excusion into the fog, or you can get out...call it quits and move on.<P>You would really be doing what he has done...seeking a fast way out of a difficult situation...instead of staying with you and working through your difficulties he is choosing to divert himself with this OW. The unfortuate things is that this "thing" will play itself out in time...and he'll be wondering what happened to his life. <P>I think he really does love you...sure he's acting crazy right...and uncaring...and disrespectful...but HE'S IN THE FOG ...wrapped up in his own selfishness hedonistic weekend of pleasure. But reality is looming on his horizon...he just can't see it. But having been to MB and being exposed to commonality of the A experience you know what's to come.<P>Even if you have to be separated...and it my case with a similar reacting WS it was also a necessity to save my sanity...that doesn't mean you have to declare the marriage over. Give yourself some time...and believe it or not...give him a little time to find out his errors...enough rope to hand himself, per se...open the gage door (as Dobson would say)...I think you'll find your bird will come flying back before too long because I think he really does love you...he's just confused right now.<P>It's my 2 cents, for what it worth...but at least I've lived it and come out the other side.<P>Faye <BR>