Sitting here in my office on Friday afternoon thinking about what has happened in my life, I just wish that there were a pill I could take to erase all of these painful and hurtful memories. Sometimes I just kept asking “WHY ME”. Why did my life become a part of these infidelity statistics? And the answer to my question is “@#^%$^**&^%#”. Is that how you were/are feeling sometimes? That you don’t know what your answer is or what life is all about. I’m sorry that I’m thinking out loud here. <P>OOOO<BR>

You bet I would if it would only get rid of the painful / hurtful memories. Cool idea!<P>Maybe when my H's A gets a little time and distance from my constant memory, I will look back on it and say yeah it hurt but I am so much better off knowing what I know now and our relationship is so much better because of how we have grown. The growth might not have been possible with out the A because we had nothing to move us off center.<P>However, where I am right now, I would swallow how ever many it would take to erase this from my mind and go on with my life being happy. I would even slip some into my WH's soda so he could go with me.

dontcallmefrank - yep, I'm with you man. Not fair.<P>"Not fair." I don't mean to get sappy here, but that was one of my deceased son's favorite expressions. He brought it out whenever his big brother got to do something he couldn't do because he was older. Not FAIR!!! Boy, could he get PO'd!! It was really hard at amusement parks when the height restrictions on a ride meant my older son could go on it, but the younger one couldn't. NOT FAIR!!! And of course, when he misbehaved and got punished and big brother could still watch TV, you guessed it, NOT!!! FAIR!!!<P>So, what's my point? Well, when he was getting chemo in the hospital and feeling like crap and not able to do the things he wanted, he never said, "Not Fair." But, of course, it wasn't fair. It's like he knew it really wasn't fair, but all the other times when he did protest, it really was fair.<P>Yep, it's not fair what we're going through. We didn't cause it, we don't deserve it. I learned from my son that when it really isn't fair, this is when your true character comes out. OOOO, we have good characters. Join me in being fair to ourselves.<P>Dave

Yes, I keep thinking if i only good do it over again. I went through heck but truthly I think I am better for it.

I always heard the same from my daughter about her older sister. “Not Fair.” What I would give to hear that voice again and to hold her again. Give me that pill. I would take it to erase all the pain surrounding my daughter death and the W’s affair. It would also erase the pain caused by the pastor that took advantage of our grief and who took advantage of my W (victim # 4, possibly #6). <BR>I often ask why me Lord? What did I do to deserve this grief and pain? That is an answer we will never learn as long as we exist here. Someday we will know why. But then, it really will not matter. So, even 2.5+yrs from d-day, it is still best to take it one-day-at-a-time. I have good days and bad. Dave, today I will join you in being fair to ourselves. Cheers.<BR>Hang in there and blessings to you. <BR>

Hmmm... Let me think about this for .0000005 seconds. <P>YES, YES, YES and YES. I think I would O.D. on the stuff.

I am a bit divided on this one. I would definitely take the pill when it comes to the pain from a child's death, I think i would need to be put into a straight jacket after reading some of the parent's post whom have lost a child, because that is the ONE PAIN that i really don't know think i would have the strength to go on as i normally do. As far as the pain of infidelity, i don't know, i question myself of, how better off would we be? How much would we learn and grow if not from the pain of love. I know for me I put my spouse on a pedestal to the point where he was above HUMAN, now I have realized that he is human, flesh and blood and for some reason I held that against him, that i had to take him off that PERFECT PEDESTAL. I realized that it was my own blindness and I had to come out of my LA-LA land and Fantasies about who/what my spouse is. He is still a smart, sexy, funny and loving man to me, but I woke up and now see that he is human. So for me being able to grow emotionally i think no, i need to remember the pain, but i don't have to LIVE IT. I hope i made sense.

Yes.

OHHHHHH YESSSSSSS!!!!!!It's the ones that get you right in the mid-section and blast you off of the planet. ZAP them gone.

If there were such a thing, why can't we erase the affair/s that brought the pain in the first place?? Now THAT pill I would take!

I'm of a different opinion here....not regarding erasing the pain of the death of a child, but only erasing all the pain and memories of an affair.<P>When we were in the recovery process, I often wanted to just forget that whole first year. It was agonizing and a very hellish time. But then I realized if I forgot the whole year, I would have to forget all the good things that had happened too and I didn't want that.<P>Even if there were a selective pill that would only erase the pain of the affair, I wouldn't take it. Part of the prevention of another affair is the memory of the pain it caused both partners. Believe me, it does get better with time and effort. I believe it is important to overcome those painful memories and let them serve only as a reminder of a place you don't want to go again.....kind of like a scar reminding you of a cut that was painful once, but isn't any more. <P>Rather than allowing all that pain and the memories to have so much power in your life, why not determine to take them over and concentrate on positive ones instead? I know this seems impossible, but I can tell you from personal experience that it is very possible.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

LOL---<P><BR>OH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

I would take the pill on one condition: that my H took it too, so he would forget that the XOW even existed.<P>belld

The way I'm feeling right now, I would definitely take it. This SUCKS!!<P>After reading some of the other comments, I am hopeful that these feelings will go away and I'll be able to look back on this whole with a different perspective.

In the aftermath of infidelity, I have discovered that I have more strength and character then I ever had imagined. I wouldn't trade who I or my H is today for the people we were before discovery for anything.

I have learned the following things from betrayal that I would not want to forget:<P>1) It can happen to anyone. I am engaged and I will never take my marriage for granted.<P>2) It's o.k. to have a certain amount of accountability between husband and wife. This doesn't make you a "ball & chain".<P>3) You must be brave enough to discuss your fears and feelings. You do not need to pretend to be stronger or more secure than you are.<P>4) Marriage is hard work, with no guarantees. <P>I would never erase these lessons.<BR>