I have been thinking a lot lately on how I might be able to influence this board and get it back on the MB track that helped me so much...<P>I see a bunch of advice getting kicked around that is knee-jerk emotional reaction. Instead of productive tools in which we can help each other in a practical MB manner...<P>I'll grant I may be a bit pragmatic about this stuff, but I know it does work, even if the marriage ends up in divorce...<P>Last year my good MB friend <B>NSR</B> sent me a bunch of cool tricks...I am going to now share them..<P>Use them as "cliff-notes"...<P>Here goes..<BR>Dr. Harley sites:<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Four Rules for a Successful Marriage</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A><P>Dr. Harley Books<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>Surviving An Affair(SAA)</A> by Dr. Willard Harley<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>His Needs, Her Needs</A> by Dr. Willard Harley<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> by Dr. Willard Harley<BR>other titles by Dr. Harley can be found at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A><BR>Book Quotes (from "Surviving an Affair")<BR>(1) - You can survive this affair<BR>It's hard to believe that marital recovery is possible after an affair<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The path that leads to recovery is very narrow, and unless couples find that path, the tragedy of an affair can permanently cripple a marriage and often lead to the further tragedy of divorce. (page 10 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>(2) - It could never happen to me!<BR>The dangerous illusion: It could never happen to me<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Infidelity is something that doesn't just happen on afternoon soaps. It happens in most marriages. (page 15 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The emotional impact of an affair on a betrayed spouse is incredibly powerful. (page 19 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>The one-night stand<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>While a one-night stand can be an isolated mistake in an otherwise affair-free marriage, it is more often a habit that is repeated by a wayward spouse, sometimes hundreds of times, (page 22 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Soul mates<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>A friendship develops from a special willingness to care for each other. (page 24 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>(3) - How do affairs begin?<BR>What are emotional meeds?<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Our most important emotional needs are those that make us feel the happiest and most satisfied whnever they are met. (page 29 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>When out most important emotional needs go unmet, we tend to feel somewhat empty and depressed. (page 30 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The power of unmet emotional needs explains why people are willing to give up their spouses as well as their chilren, careers, and beliefs to have their emotional needs met. (page 31 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Affairs satisfy unmet emotional needs<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Regardless of where an affair falls on the affairs continuum, it exists because it meets important emotional needs. (page 32 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Love, a powerful emotion<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Love makes ending an affair extremely difficult (page 33 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>The love bank<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>This feeling of attraction to someone is the way our emotions encourage us to spend time with people who treat us well. (page 35 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>(4) - How do affairs usually end?<BR>A secret second life enables an affair to grow<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wayward spouses do not necessarily have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. (page 40 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>How to keep a secret second life secret<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"Stay out of my private life", "I'm disappointed you don't trust me", "I can't remember", "We're just friends", and "I just need some time away to think things through" (pages 40-44 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Privacy isn't something that improves marriages, It's honesty and openness that improves marriages. (page 41 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Since many affairs are with friends, it's often difficult to distinguish between an affair and an innocent friendship. (page 43 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>An affair is an illusion<BR>With separation comes reality<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Most affairs die a natural death. (page 50 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>(5) - How should affairs end?<BR>Total separation - The right way to end and affair<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to the betrayed spouse. (page 55 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Without total separation, marital recovery is almost impossible. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>An affair is a very powerful addiction. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>How to tell a lover that the relationship is over (letter on page 58-59)<BR>Extraordinary precautions must be taken to guarantee separation...<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)<BR><LI> Blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)<BR><LI> Accounting for time<BR><LI> Accounting for money<BR><LI> Spending leisure time together<BR></OL><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Easy access to a former lover must be avoided at all costs. (page 60 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>A secret life depends not only on hidden time, but also on hidden money. (page 62 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>When there's less emotional attachment<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted. (page 65 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>(6) - Preparing for marital recovery<BR>Getting through withdrawal<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Marital recovery cannot begin until withdrawal has ended. (page 68 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>An affair offers no painless escape<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The pain of total separation from a lover is great at first, but eventually comes to an end, and marital recovery can then begin. (page 70 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>The symptoms of withdrawal<BR>What about withdrawalafter a one-night stand?<BR>What if the Wayward spouse contacts the lover?<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If there is a failure to totally separate from a lover, it usually means that the measures taken to guarantee separation are inadequate. (page 73 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Any</B> contact with the OP by the wayward, sets the wayward's recovery time back to the beginning. (page 73 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>What if the wayward spouse doesn't want to totally separate from the lover?<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>While there is no hope for reconciliation when the affair is underway, as soon as the affair is ended, reconciliation is definitely possible. (page 74 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan A: Avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, and selfish demands (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#3.) The (betrayed) spouse needs to know that he/she had done his/her best to save their marriage. (page 76 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#4.) If the (betrayed) spouse follows the plans (A & B), and they(the plans) fail, the (betrayed) spouse would no longer have any feelings of love for the wayward spouse. (page 76 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Affairs and dishonesty always go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. (page 78 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan B: Avoid contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has ended (page 79 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Most affairs are based on fantasy and wishful thinking. (page 79 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>How to break off relationship with spouse (Plan B letter on pages 80-81)<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Most affairs last less than six months after they are exposed to the light of day. (page 83 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Is and apology necessary?... No<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If the feeling of remorse is not actually felt by a (wayward) spouse, it is not recommended to have a reluctant apology (page 84 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Marital recovery after an affair<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>An emotional affair can be just as much a threat to marriage as a sexual affair. (page 85 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Four rules to guide marital recovery<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<BR></OL> <BR>(7) - The Rule of Protection<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness. (page 90 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Love busters: the most obvious way to destroy love<BR>Angry outbursts<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>When anger wins, love loses. (page 92 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Disrespectful judgments<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>A disrespectful judgment occurs whenever someone tries to impose a system of values and beliefs on someone else. (page 93 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Selfish demands<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>When one spouse wins and the other loses, the marriage loses. (page 96 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Thoughtless decisions: a less obvious way to destroy love<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>... Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. (page 97 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Thoughtfulness: the objective of marital negotiation<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If a couple are committed to avoid any decision until they come to a mutually enthusiastic agreement, eventually they learn how to negotiate. (page 98 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>How to negotiate with the policy of joint agreement<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Set ground rules to make negotiation pleasant and safe.<BR><LI> Identify the problem from the perspective of both you and your spouse.<BR><LI> Brainstorm solutions with abandon.<BR><LI> Choose a solution that is appealing to both of you.<BR></OL> <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If your negotiation becomes unpleasant or unsafe to either of you, break it off and choose another time to discuss the issue. (page 100 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If you can begin with an understanding that a solution cannot be chosen until you have enthusiastic agreement, you will be amazed at how quickly you can find agreement. (page 103 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It is recommended to couples that they learn to say something like, I'm not very enthusiastic about this situation, will you negotiate with me? (page 104 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>The policy of joint agreement offers complete protection<BR>The policy of joint agreement creates a compatible lifestyle<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>When a couple create a lifestyle that they each enjoy and appreciate, they build compatibility into their marriage. (page 106 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>You can be the greatest cause of your spouse's unhappiness<BR>(8) - The Rule of Care<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>. (page 110 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Learing to meet each other's emotioanl needs in marriage is far less complicated than going throughthe agonizing ritual of affairs and divorce. (page 111 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> The Rule of Care - step 1: Identify the most important emotional needs<BR><LI> The Rule of Care - step 2: Become an expert at meeting the most important emotional needs<BR></OL><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You must ask if you want to know where to put your greatest effort. (page 113 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Couples who focus their attention on each other's top five emotional needs have a sensational marriage. (page 115 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>We can't meet our most important emotional needs ourselves - other must meet them for us. (page 117 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>A good marriage becomes almost effortless when spouses develop habits that meet each other's needs. (page 118 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>A positive suggestion is much more encouraging than critisim. (page 119 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Meet each other's needs in ways that are mutually enjoyable<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Never expect your spouse to suffer or sacrafice so that your need can be met. (page 120 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>You can be the cause of your spouse's greatest happiness<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You must be each other's greatest source of happiness if you want to have a successful marriage. (page 121 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Feedback from your spouse as to how you are doing at meeting his or her emotional needs is absolutely essential in your becoming an expert. (page 122 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>(9) - The Rule of Time<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention. (page 127 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The right way to meet all important emotional needs is to schedule time to meet them all. (page 130 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Spouses need to be emotionally connected on almost a daily basis to sustain their love for each other. (page 131 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Scheduling time for undivided attention<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>A couple's love for each other cannot be created or sustained without time for undivided attention. (page 133 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It is recommended that couples schedule the same hours week after week to be alone with your spouse. (page 133 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Recreational companionship<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Couples often make the fatal mistakes of going their separate ways when an activity becomes boring to one of the spouses. (page 135 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>(10) - The Rule of Honesty<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse. (page 139 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Emotional Honesty<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Emotional Honesty:</B> Reveal your emotional reactions - both positive and negative - to the events of your life, particularly to your spouse's behavior. (page 140 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Historical Honesty<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Historical Honesty:</B> Reveal information about your personal history, particularly events that demonstrate personal weakness or failure. (page 142 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Current Honesty<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Current Honesty:</B> Reveal information about the events of your day. Provide your spouse with a calendar of your activities, with special emphasis on those that may affect your spouse. (page 143 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Future Honesty<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Future Honesty:</B> Reveal your thoughts and plans regarding future activities and objectives. (page 145 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Complete Honesty<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Complete Honesty:</B> Do not leave your spouse with a false impression about your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities, or plans for the future. Do not deliberately keep personal information from your spouse. (page 146 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Creating an environment for honesty<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You encourage homesty when you value honesty. (page 148 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Don't wrap your honesty in love busters<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If you are to be honest with your spouse, you must be willing to reveal your feelings without Love Busters. (page 150 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Honesty means being persistent<BR>(11) - Managing resentment and restoring trust<BR>Living with the memory of an affair<BR>The more there is to resent, the more difficult resentment is to overcome<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>An emotional reaction to a painful event fades over time, as long as the painful event is not repeated. (page 154 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Focusing on the present and future can help diminsh resentment<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>When marriages recover completely, using the four rules, resentment almost always fades away. (page 157 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Avoid using resentment as a love buster<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Resentment is a feeling, and Love Busters are tempting reactions to that feeling (page 157 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Restoring trust<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Trust is the belief that our spouses will be honest with us and will protect our feelings. (page 158 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Someone unwilling to follow the Rule of Protection is unwilling to protect our feelings. (page 160 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>(12) - Renewing marital commitment<BR>Marital recovery agreement<BR>A final warning: protect your love bank from the deposits of others<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Make it easy for your spouse, and make it relatively difficult for others to deposit love units. (page 170 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If you ever find yourself infatuated with someone other than your spouse, don't walk away, RUN! (page 171 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>To maintain a strong marital relationship, the four rules must be continually followed. (page 172 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I hope this helps...<P>Much Love,<P>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

What a superb post. THANK YOU!!

Great post! Is it possible to have this on the other fourms as well?

Bill,<P>Thank you so much for getting us back to the heart of what we are doing here. This is exactly what I needed today. Feeling a little down and discouraged, but now I have your great post to get me centered again.

To the TOP! <P>sb<P>------------------<BR>

Thank you Bill. This is great!

Thanks for the reminder, WilliamJ!

Up for those that missed this...

Thanks Bill<P>Your post really helped me remember somethings that I had forgotten along the way.<P>A

Very nice, Bill!

Terrific post, Bill!<P>And, for a personal thankyou. I've told folks a couple of times that although Plan B helps for a while to preserve the remaining love that Plan A is sapping, it ALSO prepares the BS for a possible divorce (the "no contact" with the WS helps) and was blasted. I couldn't remember where I read it - whether in the book or in a post and I had decided I must be dreaming or delusional!!! You found it for me and restored my faith in what's left of my sanity!!!! <P>Love ya!<P>Lori

Hi Bill,<P>I wanted to thank you soooo much for this thread. Like the newcomer one, it is compact and helpful. I have already sent it to H (help him see why I come here) and given it to someone in distress on the d/d board. <P>You put a lot of work in this for us and I wanted to let you know it is not in vain. It is paying off BIG TIME!!!<P>Mahalo,<BR>L.<BR>

You done good, my friend! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Hi Bill,<P>Can I ask a big favor? Could you please send this thread to the d/d board? I don't want to plaguarize and feel it would be so helpful. Many are going to all the boards and may be missing out on some basic info that would really be helpful. I read so much here before I started posting and to find that some are not even familar with the basic concepts and services offered here by the Harley's well, it just breaks my heart. <P>Again to you, NSR and all who have stuck by us newbies. <P>Mahalo,<BR>L.

Up to the top!!!!!!<P>L.

Hi Bill, <P>Me again. I have now forwarded a copy of this thread even to the planA/B site. You are now getting to be famous. <P>Just FYI and using this as a reason to bring this wonderful post up again. <P>Thanks,<BR>L.<BR>

Bill,<P>NSR has always been wonderful about getting things together like this for us. I'm glad your going to join him. <P>I am using a lot of the "recovery" guidelines myself right now, and I agree, MB forums can really be a great place to heal. <P>Hugs, Dana

Hi Bill,<P>Thanks for sending your 'cliff notes' to the other boards. It was very helpful. <P>You are GREAT!!!!<P>Mahalo,<BR>L.

This is an excellent post, I just had to bump it.

UP, up, up and away <P>Thank you!<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>