I have a husband who had an affair, I think had anyway. It was a meet you type few times a year when she came into town. I know for fact he would never leave me, it was for sex and she filled emmotional voids in our marriage, which are being delt with now and doing fine. He won't confess even though I know he an this affair. He says he loves me and I know he wants me and never had any intention of leaving me, she just was there when I wasn't. I am now and we hav talked about making our marriage better etc. We are haveing the best sex ever and we want to make each other happy in all aspects. He still won't admit anything and says he resents me calling him a liar and he's never cheat on me. I saw a gift Xmas in our home that I did not get. I says he has no knoweledge of it. He is lying and I have no doublt. He accuses me of destroying a good marriage, imagining things, he is a man who never raised his voice to me until this mess. He gets angry at me for questioning him etc. He is never ever violent or anything like that. hes a decent respectable good man who simply needed more appreciation than I gave him and he got it from someone who use to work for him. She has family here so when in town Im sure thats when they must have met. Why won't he just admit? He knows i would forgive him I know that. He just keeps denying and I know he knows i know he's lying. He is really bothered by all of this, sleeping, doesn't like to look at me alot, avoiding eye contact etc. i think evenually the quilt will get him. Hope so. Any advice? Thanks

Chardondeere,<P>Forgiving and forgetting are two different things...<P>I think you have forgiven your H...<BR>...how about telling him... in words... that you forgive him!<P>Be honest with him... that forgetting... is a very difficult thing to do for humans...<BR>...we are all so weak...<BR>...but that you will work toward it...<BR>...and with his help... continued Plan A-ing...<BR>...and continued understanding of <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse. (page 139 of SAA)...<BR>...you and he will grow stronger.<P>Consider checking out the following:<BR><B>Web sites..</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P><B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/003012.html" TARGET=_blank>Bible Verse = Forgiveness</A>…..ZZZ4991…..5/4/2001<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006615.html" TARGET=_blank>How to rebuild my spouse's trust?</A>…..redman…..8/23/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000274.html" TARGET=_blank>Things my husband did to rebuild trust</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/17/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002831.html" TARGET=_blank>on knowing the "truth" </A>…..loveWASblind=lWb/popeye…..5/9/2000<P>Prayers to you.<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Advice on forcing a man to tell you the truth? Let me see, we could give them a truth pill, or maybe tie them in the hot desert sands until they succomb, (I think that's how it's spelled) <P>Just kidding, I have no idea how to make this happen. I know of the one A my H had because I caught him. He kept saying he was going to tell me, damm I wish I had given him the chance. Let me see it was going on 4 months and they had made tentative plans for getting together for the next god knows how many. I wonder just where in this mess he was going to "tell me"<P>Truth, he wouldn't have told me. He admitted to me that if I had ever done what he had he did not want to know. What does that tell you?<P>Possibily a lie detector test? Not MB philosophy but it may be what you need.<P>I am glad that things are working out for you. You apparantly were able to figure out what went wrong and work to correct it. In my situation there was nothing wrong, hence nothing to fix. Much harder I'm afraid.

I'm not defending your H. I know nothing of your husband or your relationship, however, my W has made serious accusations that were either not true or she drew a false conclusion based on limited information...Is that a possibility??<P>DD

Dumdum ,Im sure I am right that he is keeping something from me I found a gift from jewelers in our home office in his stereo and when I confronted him that I saw it he said he knew nothing about it. It was gone at the time I confronted him .(Xmas) He still insists hes never had an affair but I know what I saw and he has been acting "quilty" for 5 months now. Its wearing him down i know. I'm sur I knew who is was too.Was one of those few times a year affairs. When she came to our state.