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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 111
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My husband is on a fishing trip. In is luggage i put that article from Brokendreams about the puzzle hoping it will move him to tell me about what happened. he will be spending one evening in a hotel before driving home. i told him to read my article when he reaches hotel not on fishing trip. I have been putting thoughts on paper to tell him that I forgive and I want to make him feel secure etc , all the right things so he will feel that he can tell me without me going nuts yelling etc. I won't and I want to reassure him of that. Will that help him? Is it to much all at once to get article and my email? He has his computer with him and will use it in hotel that night. Any pearls of wisdom I should say other than to let him know I understand, and won't be angry etc?

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Chardondeere...<P>As a follow-up to my last response to your other post...<BR>..try and make all your forgiveness to your <I>perosnal</I>.<P>Do it in person...<P>...just as when he is ready to ask you for your forgiveness of his actions...<BR>...it will be best received if he does it in person.<P>And remember... keep on showing your forgivess with Plan A type actions first...<BR>...before your loving words.<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

Joined: Mar 2001
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Sweetie, my prayer tonight will be that your husband has opened his heart to you. Be careful about forgiving too quickly. For me, I have discovered forgiveness to be an ongoing process. I have become my H's best friend and confident. He now knows that he can tell me everything about himself and I will not abandon him. Please update us.

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Be prepared. I told my H I could forgive an A, but needed total honesty in our marriage, told him we could not fix things if I did not know what was broken. He swore on the Bible (it was before he was saved), swore on his daughter's life (who is his pride and joy) that nothing was going on, it just looked really bad.<P>He did not admitt untill I had "proof" that satisfied him.

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BrokenDreams, The article I put in my husbands luggage was yourr you posted April 30th. I still have copy. It was very good and on the envelope I told him that this expresses how and what I was dealing with. I told him to r ead it after fishing trip when his hotel in another place. I doubt that he could wait. He called melast night and said he would call me tomorrow. He has taken this trip for l5 yrs and never called me. Its in a remote place so hard to call but he took cell phone and at least He did call. Before he left I caught him in alittle lie, he said he went to get gas and I know he didn't, he got cigars for trip. He quite smoking over month ago and every time I asked him if he has cheated smoking he looked me in the eyes and said no. Little lie but if he can lie about getting gas and smoking he could certainly lie about a affair/ He is really bothered I can tell.He said he had cigar once while golfing and he wouldn't enhale it. Has a throat condition so I can believe him on that one, but he still didn't tell me the truth when I asked him. Are conversations about gas etc was emailed , he was at work and was leaving to go on trip from work When I told him I knewe he didn't get gas(I followed him up the street) it was the first email he ever said I love you, [censored] on. ha Guilt maybe? I hope what you wrote about that puzzled works, It was great and I have read it several times. I pray that it works. I am going to tell him I want to see couselor -joint- that is plan b if he still denies. i think that going through all of this with a Marriage counselor again. (he went once with me) MC just told me to forget it and move on and if something else comes up I will have more to work on. Didn't help me at all, but made husbands day I'm sure. Hopefull this suggestion will push him to think its time to end all of this. Worth a try Will pick a different MC naturally.Thanks for your puzzle piece. Chardondeere


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