I'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 8YRS NOW. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 2 1/2YRS. JUST LAST YEAR I FOUND OUT THAT HE HAD ANOTHER BABY ONE MONTH AFTER WE HAD OUR FIRST DAUGHTER. HE LIED AND LIED ABOUT IT UNTIL I SAW SOME CHILD SUPPORT DOCUMENTS COME IN THE MAIL. HE FINALLY CONFESSED, BUT I STILL THINK THAT HE IS LYING OR LEAVING OUT ALOT. HE CLAIMS IT WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF I WAS GIVING HIM MORE SEX AND ATTENTION. I MYSELF FEEL THAT ITS ALL AN EXCUSE. I HAVE SUFFERED FROM ALL TYPES OF ABUSE FROM THIS MAN AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE WHEN HIS OWN MOTHER WASN'T AND ISN'T UNLESS SHE NEEDS MONEY. EVERYDAY I HURT AND HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF THIS AND BECAUSE I FEEL I CAN'T TRUST HIM. I HAVE SUFFERED MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, VERBALLY, AND WHATEVER ELSE. I FEEL AS IF I MEAN NOTHING OR I AM UNWORTHY OF LOVE. EVERYONE SAYS I AM TOO NICE AND EASY TO WALK ON AND THATS WHY ITS HAPPENING TO ME. ALSO, WHEN SPECIAL DATES COME UP I RECEIVE NOTHING. I DO FOR HIM AND ITS LIKE ITS NOTHING AS WELL. TO THIS VERY DAY I HAVE NO WEDDING RING ON MY FINGER, BUT HE HAS ALL KIND OF JEWELRY. TOGETHER WE HAVE 3 CHILDREN BUT 5 IN ALL. I WORK AND SO DOES HE. HE IS A SUBCONTRACTOR AND I JUST HAVE A CASHIER JOB WHILE I'M IN SCHOOL FOR NURSING. HE MAKES 2O TIMES AS MUCH AS ME AND ME AND THE KIDS DO NOT HAVE ANY CLOTHING TO WEAR. I HAVE TO BUY FOR ME AND THE KIDS,HELP BUY FOOD, BILLS, AND WHATEVER ELSE WHILE HE ONLY PAYS THE MORTGAGE. I HAVE NO MONEY AND I'M ALWAYS STUCK IN OUR HOME. I'M TIRED OF IT, ALTOUGH I STILL CARE FOR HIM. I HATE SEX AND I CAN'T TELL HIM I LOVE HIM ANYMORE. HE ALWAYS SAYS HE LOVES ME, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IT. SHOULD I JUST LEAVE HIM AND GET MYSELF PEACE OF MIND OR TRY AND WORK THINGS OUT? PLEASE RESPOND SOON BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN SOON.

Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P>There is another section in this forum that you might feel quite comfortable in... it's for people who have to deal with a child as the result of an affair... I'll get the link and come back and post it for you. Here it is: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Pregnancy/Child&number=35&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Click Here</A><P>**<B>By the way, when you write in all caps it kinda looks like you're shouting</B>**<P><BR>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino<P>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited May 19, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited May 19, 2001).]

It's easy to understand that it is hard to trust this man. I am just wondering why you have the strength to stay with such a man when you have been so torn down. You reamind me of a woman who I went to nursing school with. I know how hard that schooling is, you deserve to be at least treated with respect by a man who says he loves you. After being through every type of abuse, it doesn't seem like a man would continue to say he loves you and mean it. It makes me so mad when people try and blame their shortcomings (like his affair) on other people (you not givin enough sex). If there is any marriage to salvage, he needs to come to grips with that there is a huge problem with the way he is acting. It sounds like you want it to work, and it sounds like he wants to walk all over you. This is terribly unhealthy for your children, as they need to have stability and a loving household, not one where their needs seem to be a second priority to their father. Again, he needs to realize there is a problem. He needs the help first, then you two can work on the relationship. Stay strong and best wishes. I'll be thinking about you.

Thank you for your words of wisdom and understanding. I kinda felt as if everything was my fault in my marriage. I just didn't want to feel like a failure in my marriage. Sometimes I even hate him almost from the things he has done. I'm trying to hold up for the sake of the kids,but I'm probably doing more harm than good. Yes they are suffering because I'm always tired after work and school then my daily duties as a mother, wife, maid, and floor mat.(Ha!) I love my children so much and I hate to see things this way, especially when he spends no time with them at all. Thanks again for everything. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nyneve:<BR><B>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P>There is another section in this forum that you might feel quite comfortable in... it's for people who have to deal with a child as the result of an affair... I'll get the link and come back and post it for you. Here it is: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Pregnancy/Child&number=35&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Click Here</A><P>**By the way, when you write in all caps it kinda looks like you're shouting</B>**<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><p>[This message has been edited by FUBU8 (edited May 20, 2001).]

Thanks for your understanding words because I felt as if I was the blame. Yes he does have some issues and needs to work them out,because I am planning to leave. And when that day comes I want to be fully prepared mentally and financially with no chance of looking back or wondering did I make the right choice. Keep me in your prayers and I'll pray for us all Thank you. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lovehim:<BR><B>It's easy to understand that it is hard to trust this man. I am just wondering why you have the strength to stay with such a man when you have been so torn down. You reamind me of a woman who I went to nursing school with. I know how hard that schooling is, you deserve to be at least treated with respect by a man who says he loves you. After being through every type of abuse, it doesn't seem like a man would continue to say he loves you and mean it. It makes me so mad when people try and blame their shortcomings (like his affair) on other people (you not givin enough sex). If there is any marriage to salvage, he needs to come to grips with that there is a huge problem with the way he is acting. It sounds like you want it to work, and it sounds like he wants to walk all over you. This is terribly unhealthy for your children, as they need to have stability and a loving household, not one where their needs seem to be a second priority to their father. Again, he needs to realize there is a problem. He needs the help first, then you two can work on the relationship. Stay strong and best wishes. I'll be thinking about you.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>