I'm writing because I am wondering if my husband is cheating. Strage things keep happening. Recently his paycheck came up 10 hours short for a two week pay period. He had come home early once, accounting for 4 hours. He said he forgot to clock back in after lunch one day and he would have the hours be put on his next check. He changed his story many times about what days were missing hours. Leads me to beleive that he didn't "forget to clock in", and whether he really did go back to work. I asked that night him about something that didn't make sense about his story (he said that the day he went home sick was the 12th, as stated on his time card, and I knew it was the 6th, he explained this descrepancy by saying that he just made a mistake about the day). He flipped out and was extremely angry that I was still upset. I asked for a copy of his time card, and he refused. I said I would go get it myself, and he got upset, stating that I would be unprofessional to do that, it would embarass him and that I would not be able to get it anyway.<BR>The only other workplace happening was when he came home an hour late. He said he had just "lost track of time", but where he works is not all that busy and he never looses track of time when it comes to leaving work. I would think that once he noticed he was late coming home, he would have called from work letting me know he was on his way.<BR>Other strange thing: a lady's name and phone number in his jeans pocket not in either of our's handwriting. He could not explain why it was there and said "um, I bet this looks bad". Later that day he told me about a story he heard on a radio show. A married man exchanged cell numbers with a woman, and the man, later realizing that he had done something wrong, threw the phone number away. He called in to the show asking if he should tell his wife about the incident, and the host replied that he should change his cell phone number in case the lady tried to contact him. My husband asked me if he should have told his wife and I said yes, because of trust issues. The strange thing is the parallel between this story and ours, and why he would ask me my opinion about it. The lady's phone number in my husband's pocket had been disconnected.<BR>Also, the other day I was upset about not being able to pay a bill on time. He mocked me and made me very upset. When I tried to go to bed, he followed me and grabbed and held my arm so hard that it left a bruise. I repeatedly asked him to loosen up his grip, and he said it was my fault I was getting hurt, and that I should not try to pull away. I stopped trying to get away to get him to loosen up, but he never did, and still told me that it was my fault it hurt. Later that night I told him I should not be around someone who I am afraid would hurt me. I am 7 months pregnant with our second child. He again said it was my fault, and I should not have tried to get away from him. He later changed his story to that it was my fault that events led to him having to grab me, even though I never lashed out at him, I was only upset about a bill.<BR>I know he has a lot of pressure on him. I am a college student and he had to put his education on hold to support our new family before our first was born. I fear that he may have resentment and possibly takes it out by seeing someone else, though all my evidence is the circumstancial stuff I said before plus his all around strange behavior (mood swings, etc). We talk a lot about his issues, but he still say I never care to talk to him about how he feels.<BR>The only way I have been able to admit to anything in the past is to provide undeniable evidence. He will deny something until I do. Any thoughts? I know I'm long winded, and thanks for listening.

Hi Lovehim,<P>If this is your first post to MB.com, I would like to welcome you. Your scenario is familar to many of us. <P>I would like to encourage you to read a post on the attached thread and look up the references. <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008792.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008792.html</A> <P>It is the references that will help you understand the basic concepts taught here at marriage builders. You can also go straight to basic concepts at the top of this thread. Once you have reviewed the information, there is also a phone counseling service available for both you and your H or just yourself. <P>The unknown is a scary place. Your imagination will run rampant if you do not watch out. Your H can get angry at you either way. More likely your H will get angry with you if he is having an A and your questions are getting closer to truth. Your checking up on him shows you are questioning his trust. You may have reason to do so. He will not always appreciate your need. <P>This is where being on this site, reading the materials will help. You will learn how to get ithe info you need to know what is really going on. Learn when an issue is important vs an honest misunderstanding and how to work with you H should you find a problem. <P>Please understand, we are not professionals here. Just ordinary people who are dealing with extraordinary situations and supportin each other. Steve and Jennifer Harley are the ones that can provide professional support. <P>You may receive a welcome from another MBer usually provides a general welcome to all newcomers. There is also a site called: Just Found Out where many post their questions. Many read and post to several sites depending on their situation. <P>I hope the information you find here will help you. It has helped me. <P>Take Care, <BR>L.<BR>

What I am really dealing with is the fact the I just want to know if what I am thinking and observing is something to fear or if I am overreacting. Of course, my husband denies being involved in an affair, asking him gets me nowhere. I have come to the point that I just want proof. But then there is still the chance that I am wrong, that I will never find proof and I should just not worry. I'm stuck. I know that if I stop worrying, another "strange event" will happen which brings up all these past events and sends me intothe same spiral of suspicion. Like I just found a web site in his internet history from the other day that offers "free and completely confidential email addresses" when he runs his own email server. Why would he want another email address if it wasn't for ulterior motives? I know when I ask him about it, he'll say he "doesn't know what web site I am talking about" and deny going to it, and of course, signing up for an account. Again, I have no hard proof to nail him, so I'm in a rut...I want him not to be lying, I want to beleive him, but there is just something so strange about everything, the gut feeling is getting to me. Please someone, tell me I'm overreacting.

Unfortunately I doubt that you are overreacting. Usually your gut feeling is right.