My wife of eight years cheated on me 4 years ago. The recovery was a long and tenious one. Things have never been better I thought.<BR>Recently I had a suspicion that she was up to it again. I started taping phone calls and sure enough she was. It was talk of love and then to my surpise, phone sex. I was shocked! I confronted her with it and she said it was just a game. She said she loved him and wanted to be with him on the tape. How could this be a game?<BR>She pleaded to me to work it out but I just could not take it anymore. <BR>So she threatened suicide. She played this game last time, so I paid little attention to it.<BR>Well right now she is in the ICU unit <BR>at the hospital. She lived but says she will do it again if I break it off with her. She says she loves only me. She said she did'nt make love to him so it wasn't really cheating. I told her that her words of love to this guy hurt more. <BR>I still love her and I don't know how she can do this. <BR>I don't want our marriage to break up but I don't what I can do to save it. I don't think I could ever trust her again.<P>Please help!<P><BR>

I was taken aback by your story. If I had heard my husband saying such things to another woman, it would have ripped my heart out. You must be torn, on one hand leaving your wife and possibly her commiting suicide and on the other staying with her and risking her hurting you. For one thing, in my opinion what she did is flat out cheating, even though she denied it. She first needs to come to grips with this before she can figure out what is making her cheat. She obviously has emotional needs that are not being met as evident by the suicide attempt. She may have been trying to get your attention by doing that. No person can really get into her head, she needs to be forthcoming about her needs and try to heal what is causing her to cheat and attempt suicide. Professional counseling should be saught. If you don't have trust in a relationship, you don't have anything. If you both want to make it work, she will need to regain your trust. Best wishes to you, stay strong.

that is just simple manipulation!!! im sorry..i was just shocked at your post. IT isnt right....she made the mistake she need to be held accountable.<P>i also didnt keep it together after my affair with OM. It not only resumed but continued for about 1.5 yrs on phone..phone sex....sex....letters, cards...visits...it all leads to emotional hell.<P>it has taken me to be totally accountable for my every minute..online..on phone....away from home....period! to try and keep it together...but it also has taken my husband to do some changes to make sure he is meeting those needs that i continued to search for.<P>When she is done and out of the hospital....she and you both need counseling. She is probably realy deprssed. Ive ben ther......threatened suicide..just never went through with it.<P>do you and your wife know the Lord?? i totally believe that a total healing is not possible with out Jesus.<P>" I can do all things through him who strenghtens me" phil 4:13<P>mercy

Welcome Jim:<P>First let me say that a suicide attempt is not something that you or your wife can take lightly. To let her emotions get so out of hand, whether through depression or extreme stress, that she can see no other alternative but to end her life implies that she need help...counseling of some type. Even if this is a case of manipulation, she needs help. <P>If I was considering staying in the marriage I would make that a requirement before making any attempt to continue. First those issues have to be deal with before you can begin to build a marriage again.<P>Whatever the issues are in your marriage they apparently were not resolved during the recovery from the first affair so things perhaps have not really changed and she continued to be vunerable to a new relationship. Perhaps those issue can be deal with this time and you can learn to trust again.<P>Welcome to MB and please explore this site and do all the reading that will be recommended by NCR (our designated greeter]. You will need this material to understand the principles and how to implement them to your best advantage.<BR>If you need help just ask.<P><BR>Faye<BR><p>[This message has been edited by buffy (edited May 20, 2001).]

Jim,<P>How horrible to have to endure what you heard, and then the suicide attempt. Well I am in the medical field, so my note to you is coming from that direction.<P>Your wife has some serious problems ( I know duh..) it is one thing to threaten suicide (manipulation)..and another to attempt to carry it out (serious mental issues here).<P>If you truly love your wife, I would agree to stay with her..only if she agrees to therapy...intense therapy. You may find her need for extra martial relations may have to do with whatever is the deep seeded problem here...Suicide is no joke...and the fact she ended up in the ICU shows she was not kidding...This woman needs help...The hospital she is in now, should have resources for you...The issue here is not the infedelity ..the issue here is this woman is suicidial, and it does not matter what happens she obviously thinks about it...I pray there are no children involved, this is very damaging for a child to think their mom would find this so easy to do...if so ..get them into counseling too... I will pray for you and your family...I can understand you wanting to give up...if you really feel that way..it will still be an option when she gets healthy..<BR>Good Luck MC