It was an odd kind of a day. It started out pretty good. H came over for a full day visitation with the kids, and we had a great time.<P>At some point during our day, he got a call from one of his new 'friends'. It just really bothered me that he was talking to this woman. At first, I didn't say a word about it, but it got to the point where I felt I had to share my feelings with him (in a non-destructive way, trust me).<P>I started telling him about plan B. I didn't use any of the MB terms, b/c he wouldn't have understood what I was talking about (grin), but I did a great job. I mentioned how he is a 'cake man' sitting on his glorious fence having the best of both worlds... new women to meet and get to know, and a family (W and 3 kids) in the wings whenever he 'feels' like having one. I told him how I was trying to be patient with him, but that I could not guarantee how long that was going to last. It could be a day, a week, a few months, I wasn't sure. H and I had a fairly decent conversation on the matter, my main points seemed to get across to him.. the fact that if/when I plan B, it is to help him finally make a decision, and that in no way shape or form will i do it to keep him from seeing the kids. It will be hard to plan b b/c of the kids actually.<P>I have known that I needed to go to plan b for some time now (that plan aing just isn't possible with H for the suggested length of time, due to serial cheating behaviours), but I've been having trouble actually starting it.<P>So I purposely LB'd bigtime tonight (I won't get into the details.. too much involved). I know the best way to plan b is to start it on a great end to plan a. But I was just so fed up, and I guess I consciously decided to jump start it.<P>The sad part about it, is that I'm not feeling overly upset at all. I started out thinking that this post was going to be a vent session for me, but it's not. It's just more of an update I guess (grin).<P>When his anger towards me dies down a bit, I will give him a plan b letter, and see what happens. I should not have waited so long for this. I just kept on coming up with excuses not to start plan B, and missed my good start. Oh well, I would bet that I'm not the only one who has done this, nor will I be the last.<P>I'm pretty down when I think about H. I honestly feel so sorry for him. I want to help him, but I can't. Only he can help himself. The trouble is, I've lost most of my faith in him being able to do so. He hasn't owned up to any of his responsibilities in our marriage breakdown, and I don't think he will. Not any time soon enough for us to work things out, that's for sure.<P>Well, that's it for now. I'm not expecting any replies, b/c I don't have a question to ask anyways! grin. But thank you for listening.<P>Karen<BR>

It is plan B time. Am I mistaken in my impression that your LB is running on almost empty? It would seem to be a danger in protracting a plan A too long. So plan B for your benefit, and if H comes around so much the better.<P>Godspeed and good luck, STL<P>BTW ... I have been a BS and am currently a recovering WS: I have a wonderful W who has graciously agreed to accompany me on this road to recovery.

Hi Karen,<P>Well if you are not expecting a reply, here is a confession. I don't believe you are the only one that has LB'd on purpose and won't be the last. <P>Here's my story. In fog time, it starts out as: Once upon a time long long ago (in Jan 01), I sent an annonymus e-mail to H about someone he had met earlier in the year. H had been seeing a woman for sex a few times. No EA from what I am told. Anyway, when he met OW, he dropped her and she didn't seem to mind since he was one of many. <P>Oh it gets better, the message was very casual just dropped a line to let you know I moved, D'd my H, live in the big city with a great apt overlooking the bay. Maybe you can come and watch the sunset and sunrise sometime. <P>Nothing else. Signed with a sort of pet name. Sent it to WS's e-mail address (which he knew I knew of) that he used to correspond with OW. I did not have the password and H had already moved out. <P>Lo and behold OW opened up that e-mail because OW had the password to H's e-mail account. OW used to change the password whenever she got angry at H (to teach him a lesson?). <P>OW never showed H the message, claimed that the message was sent by me as a harassment and that I was going to 'kill' her for taking my H away. Wow, I didn't get that message. Then OW claimed, that OW's H also saw the e-mail and was upset. Why? I don't really know. Then OW threatened to write a nasty message to my place of employment and turn me in for fraudently misusing company property. The charge? I don't know. We have laptops with internet access. I checked with HR and I had done nothing wrong. Then OW said she called some of 'her friends' at my work and told them and all her friends all about me. Wow she did that in one day. She must not have too many friends. <P>The LB part? I did not reveal who sent that message for about 14 days. Ow & H were on pins and needles the whole time. More? Ok, OW responded to that e-mail with a nasty response. I forwarded to the e-mail service provider abuse hotline and they shut down that e-mail account immediately. So before OW & H found out who sent that message, the account was closed. <P>OW & H panicked big time, they started wondering if a hacker had broken into our home computer and someone was sending messages to OW to scare her. What a dummy. OW was having H run scared. She knew what she was doing, she knew she lied to H about the content of the message. Now the bad part is that since it was never saved, I could not show what was originally sent. However the e-mail service provider did read my message and said it was not a bad message and left my account open. HA!<P>I did not feel bad either. I was not officially in plan B but definitely headed in that direction. Reached the decision to go the plan B 1 month later. <P>So don't feel bad. Looking back it has it's humorous moments. These OWs and WSs sure provide some strange entertainment while in the fog. <P>L.<BR>

Hi Karen!<P><BR>I keep thinking what we're missing is having faith and putting it into God's hands. Trust that He knows what's best for us and listen to His direction. PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!<P>I am praying for the blessing of all of our marriages. I am praying that our WS's eyes will be opened and the 'fog' will dissapate. I am praying that those WS's in depression will have a moment of clarity and seek help. Most of all, I am praying for strength.<P><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali

Karen - good to vent to us. Please don't make hasty decisions. I validate your feeling of ambivalence after LB'ing. This may be your taker taking control; it felt good to let out some anger, perhaps. But the momentary satisfaction will wear off. Think long term.<P>WAT

STL: You're right in your impression. My love bank has been near empty for a long time. I had quite a few deposits go in here and there, but everytime I know of him getting a phone call from one of his OW, major withdrawals take place. And I just can't take that roller coaster ride anymore.<P>I have been following some of your recent posts that you and your W have done. I am envious of you two, to say the least. You are both so fortunate to come to terms with your problems, and do something about it. You and Zorweb are truly an inspiration to all of us still working on reaching recovery.<P>Orchid: Revenge is sweet, isn't it? grin. But only at the time. I know that for me, my underlying message when I do things like you did, is for H to realize that he cannot continue to live in secrecy. He will ALWAYS be found out. By me, or others. It's only a matter of time. <P>If I remember correctly, you are now in recovery with your H, right? If that's the case, then he obviously was able to realize that what he was doing, living in that fantasy world, was oh so wrong, and that the real world and life in general was still going to affect him eventually. The fantasy world(s) just prolong it... but you already know that, don't you? <P>InShockinCali: Thank you for your inspirational response. I have been reading your posts too... and I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to stay positive for others. Thank you. I am working on doing the same when I can. <P>Worthatry: I have been thinking long term. I may not show it in my posts though (grin). I still have that ember of hope that H will see what he's doing to himself, and in turn, to everyone else. But I also know that he is just not capable of seeing any of that at this time. That saddens me, but it's so comforting to know that others on here (like yourself) are going through so many similar things. It was most definitely my taker taking control. And it's those controlling behaviours that I am working on. It just got to the point yesterday that I just didn't care about that. It was a fully conscious decision to LB. It was bad. I know that. But what's done is done. And as I mentioned, I think it is what I needed to do in order to get Plan B rolling.<P>I also want to add that I am so proud of how you are able to plan A so well!! Good job!! <P><BR>Karen<BR>