(please read first post on 5/20 to fully understand)<P>My wife comes home today after her failed suicide attempt from being caugt in an affair. <BR>I don't know how I feel aboout her coming home. I don't know if I'm letting her come home and try to work it out for the right reasons.<BR>We have three kids and although i know that should not be the reason I should work this out, I know it's a big part. We have two that are 2 years from their graduation.<BR>Another thing that makes this all so difficult is that all her family lives in Texas she has no one here except us and my family.(And i guess her lovers) When we first met her folks and her brother lived in Missouri. They have since moved.<BR>I guess aother hesitaton is financial. We need both of our incomes to survive. We both could not afford the place we have on our own. We would both have to start over.The kids would be uprooted. The bills we have would lead us to bankruptcy in divorce.<BR>I just don't know how to face the gut wrenching distrust I will feel when our lives are supposedly back to normal.<BR>I don't know how I am letting myself go through this again.<BR>I can't eat. I can't think. I can't motivate myself to do the simpilest things. The only joy I get is from my 6 year old daughter. The only comfort I get is the knowledge that the kids Don't know of her suicde attempt. The only pleasure I have had recently is informing the OM's W of the affair. Another heartbreak and another family of five that is sure to break up. But I don't really feel guilty of telling his wife of his trist with my wife. I get pleasure out of knowing that he's suffering too! Is this wrong. I actually get comfort from talking to his wife since we share the same pain.<BR>I'm so confused with life right now. I'm so scared of the future. I'm so heartbroken from the past.<BR>I don't know how I'm suppose to act when she comes home. we have so many plans for this summer with friends. They don't know about her latest affair, but how or should I be doing these things with her? How can it be the same? How can you look someone in the eye and tell them you love them when you know they have betrayed you again? And who is to say it won't happen again? <BR>But what else am I to do? <P>Thanks so much for letting me air it out.I'm so glad I found you guys. All feed back is greatly appreciated.<P>Jim S<BR>

When it all boils down, you either have to be prepared to make the hard choices and compromises. If you stay in the marriage and want to make it work, then make it work. That doesn't mean immediately forgiving, but it does mean having to get in touch with compassion and sympathy. Obviously your W has been in a lot of pain--she tried to kill herself! Yeah, it's 'selfish', but suicidal people are not totally rational, in most cases. They don't see the selfish, their pain is too great. You are in a lot of pain too, so much so that that's all you really talk about, aside from your daughter. You are absorbed in your pain! So much so that you revel in revenge, and haven't said a word of sympathy for your wife. Yes, enjoying revenge is a bad thing. It's unchristian and un-every religion in the world. It's unhealthy. You can be tempted, but if you are doing something just for revenge it won't turn out well, and it will hurt you more than others. All of this is just murdering your soul. I think you have to find yourself, have compassion for yourself and for the other people involved in this mess, and figure out what you really deeply want and need. <P>

Jim,<P>I am glad that your wife is coming home, and I am glad your children do not know of this attempt, because kids always blame themselves. BUT you never touch on the fact that your wife is getting into therapy..you talked finances..years together ..betrayal etc...but you have not brought up the fact that YOUR wife has SERIOUS mental issues here..she needs to be in therapy, and as I stated I am in the medical profession, and I find it hard to believe that the hospital did not put a "hold" on her..for attempting suicide...is that why she was there ( hold is usually 72 hours)...YOU CANNOT overlook this...she is in trouble, and she will succeed if you overlook this....you cant work on anything until you get at the root of your wife's serious emotional problems...She did this without a thought to her 3 children...that would scare me to death...take care of that first...most medical benefits cover this...Take care MC

There must be reasons for her affairs.. especially if she has attempted suicide.. My bet is that the affairs are giving her something.. something she is missing and has become addicted to getting.. attention? control? She needs help to figure it out. Don't blast her and condemn her until you are able to figure it all out. I am not dismissing your pain.. but I do think it is worth trying to find the why's of it all. If she were truly happy, she wouldn't be having affairs.