<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>**I hope to God this discourse helps somebody, because it's sure hard to go over this again. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Exactly why it should be here.<P>And if it helps---I was involved in a primitive "instant mailing" with a female friend during my Plan B. Big mistake. HUGE. It didn't get anywhere near "serious", and feelings weren't too hurt---but I got to experience the abyss first-hand. Even now, with my marriage in pretty good shape---I follow these MB rules religiously. I know that anyone is vulnerable to this situation, given the right mix of events. The key is to keep away from these situations.<P>Enough already. I've got to write some system specs for a vendor...<P> <BR>

It is finished. <whew!><P>Take care, <B>K, cl, Pahakissa,</B> and<B> sing</B>.<P>Hugs to all!!

Hey Sheryl,<P>Wow you and K made my head spin. I admire a lot of people on this board but then again I can not stand some people on this board. Those that I can not stand I try not to read and I do not post to them. You have to understand everyone has their own view point.<P>I am very anti affair but then I having been cheated on so many times I have also come to understand a great deal. Sheryl you will be the only one living your life. No matter what anyone says on this board you have to wake up and live your life. My Mom and Gran always spoted off having to walk a mile in the person's shoe before judging. <P>You know why you did the things you did. No one else. Try not to punish yourself. I am not saying this because I am a kind wonderful person...trust me I can get very nasty. I am saying this because punishing yourself will never help the situation. Not in a million years. I mean I could go around and play the victim but what will I gain. Nothing. You could go around and play the evil one but what will you gain? Nothing. <P>Maybe K is right...coming to the boards is not helping you. I know I take a break when I feel the old anger and resentment coming back up. I also do not post to people if it hits too close to home. I just relieve the situation and can not focus in what they need. When you visit your family just be there for them and let them know you love them. That is all they ask. Try not to second guess your actions. You just waste energy. You have made your decision and it is time to move forward...not in a forever loop. You are smarter than this. <P>I know women tend to do this a lot more than men. (((((Sheryl))))))))<P>Sing -- Thanks. I have to say a fat cat is a happy cat.

Wow Pahakissa, and thanks for the lift up!! <P>Yes, it has been a non-ending circle of pain lately, and damned if I know how it got this way -- no, scratch that -- I know how it "got" this way, but I need it to stop. And you're right, only I can stop it.<P>I am looking forward to a WONDERFUL visit with my family, and I will come back here when I get back, for awhile anyway, at least I assume... but really, I *don't* know for sure. Sometimes, things conspire to make decisions for us (please God, don't let my computer crash! ).<P>(((((Pahakissa)))))<P>You are appreciated, my dear woman!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited May 23, 2001).]

HI Sheryl,<BR>Ahhh, so is the head spin slowing my dear?<BR>Glad you are seeing your kids! That is wonderful. <BR>I read your other post....did not reply because I am not sure I agree. Care vs cure? Interesting concept, but I dont think that one can separate the two. Giving the care is a vital part of the eventual cure....but cure is totally subjective and changing. <BR>I do know that you are sensitive to the criticism, but is that something new for you in this vulnerable state? Or is it always been an issue? We do have the tendency to be oversensitive when the world starts to crumble around us. Our little cocoon has a hole in it. <BR>I hope you take this time with your family to share the love and care that you have so much of. <BR>Take good care of yourself. Let the others take care of you too! You have to allow it before they can do it.<BR>(((((hugs))))) cl<P>Dang, that K is so smart! Hi Paha!

Hi cl,<P>Yeah, it was funny, because I logged on after a nice night out on the town - actually it was just ice cream (Peanut Butter and Chocolate, yummy) and here this was at the top!!<P>Thanks for checking in...<P>I have definately been sensitive all my life, but not to this extent. This is gonna sound really stupid, but I'll take my chances -- people ALWAYS liked me before. Do I sound conceited, I don't mean to. I'm serious. Remember, I was Most Humorous in high school, the mascot... I was liked, what can I say. And then... somewhere in my late 30's, I developed some thoughts that seemed to go against the norm (like in church - I was a 'born again' with fervor, I'll tell ya) and I then realized what it felt like to have someone completely disagree with me. Still, I was able, for the most part, to smooth over the rough edges. <P>But...after my affair, and the realization that David had been cheating for years and the marriage was indeed over, I went into a depression that seemed to defy my usual depressions. I realized that I had some problems, and had used the humor as a mask. Blech, it was icky.<P>Then, of course, I have spent the last two years learning to like (I'm still working on love) myself, despite my foibles and errors in judgement.<P>It really got bad... but I am coming out of it a bit. I give myself some credit because I have been brutally honest on these boards, and in my life. What I've "done" may not be the wisest thing I've ever done, but it is "mine" to own. I own it.<P>Each day is a day closer to my recovery from infidelity. I have bitterness about David's affairs and abuses still, and anger at myself for my part in everything - including my affair in 1999. I never thought I'd get a divorce... and it still hurts sometimes.<P>Threads like this help me, and I hope others, to heal. K was instrumental to my recovery today. I am grateful to him... and to all who contributed, both on this thread, on this board, and in my life.<P>...and yes, I am soooooooo looking forward to seeing my family!<P>Thanks for caring enough to ask, and to listen, cl. I have always felt that you were a strong woman with so much to offer -- not to mention a place to stay if I ever get to Hawaii <P>(((((cl)))))