Please read my first two posts.<P>Although my wife is home now, most people do not know what is going on. With her suicide attempt, it attracted quite a crowd around our home. People ask what happened, friends, family and co-workers are concerned, but I don't know what to say. They don't know it was a suicide attempt.I want people to care, but it tears me apart on how to answer them. As emotionaly distraught she must have been to attempt suicide I am equally distraught by her recent affair. I don't really want sympathy for me, but feel if we lie about what want on she will get undo sympathy. I'm sorry, what she did is wrong, she needs help, but not sympathy for a made up illness that brought the paramedics to our house. <BR>If there is still a possibility to work this out, would telling the world the truth hurt or harm this?<P>Thanks,<BR>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by Jim S (edited May 22, 2001).]

Jim S:<P>What do you feel you need to "tell" about? If it's about the suicide, you can just say that she's been having an emotionally tough time, and ask for them to pray for her.<P>I would suggest that you not say a word about an affair. If her suicide attempt was "real"---you would risk driving her into a deeper pit---and perhaps she'll be successful on the second try. Your trying to withhold unwarranted sympathy isn't appropriate---you're trying to use justice to fix your marriage. It won't work. It's selfish and disrespectful.

Jim S:<P>In looking back through the previous posts, I didn't find too much of the "usual" MB advice, so I'm going to suggest that you do the following:<P>Get a copy of Harley's <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>Surviving an Affair</A>: it's a great book that will help you understand the dynamics of affairs, and what to do about them. You need this information to help you make good, informed decisions about what to do.<P>The next issue is that I would think your wife needs to be in counseling. I still can't tell how serious the suicide attempt was, but it's pretty clear that she's a danger to herself. Talk with her doctors about what the follow-up will be---and you should be completely honest with them about what's going on.<P>Finally, I'd suggest that you call the MB counseling center (888-639-1639) for their phone counseling. Steve and Jenn Harley are both terrific: I think that you're going to need their help and motivation in putting this marriage back together. They'll work with the both of you---but at this point, you should get the soonest appointment available for yourself. There's still lots of hope for this marriage, and the fact that you have children should drive you to doing everything in your power to restore the marriage. When I discovered my wife's affair, the first thing I did was come to this site and read everything (Concepts, Q&A columns---there was no forum). The second thing I did was to make an appointment with Steve. That was the single best decision I ever made in my marriage. He helped me come up with a plan and helped me keep it together through very long odds.<P>Give the counseling a shot. It'll give you your best chance---and you do owe it to your wife. It's that "for better or worse" clause...