First of all...I'm a talker. I want to know every detail of everything...and I feel like I need to fix everything....even if I know I'm not the cause.<BR>Sooooo.......how do I curb wanting to talk all the time about certain issues.....lack of affection for instance.<BR>H admits that me talking about it so much is really getting to him.<BR>And....I feel a little uncertain at times in showing my H affection. He says he doesn't need it like he used to so I'm afraid if I show him too much it will push him farther away from me.<BR>Just to let you know.....for the last 5 years or so of our marriage I pushed him away when it came to affection...and in bed also. He was the type that liked to show LOTS of affection. Now....I WANT to show him affection all the time....to show him that I DO love him....but hold back on alot of it for fear of pushing him. He went from wanting sex 24 hours a day to not wanting it as much.....where I went from not wanting it...to wanting it all the time.....but when it happens...it's better than ever...we both agree on that.<BR>He says that he thinks that I only do some things just to make him happy and keep him here. Not true....I do everything because I want to....trying to make up for the past...and because I love him. How do I convince him of that?<BR>When he tells me that the in love feelings are there and he has to figure out how to get them out...should I believe him? And when he tells me that they have grown a little but have remained the same for a while...and actually looks sad about it.....I don't really know what he's sad about. <BR>Should I be encouraged by the fact that he tells me that those in love feelings have popped up several times since he's been home.....or unhappy that they aren't there all the time?<BR>The only answers I get to most of my questions...which I probably should't be asking is....I don't know.<BR>Should the A never be brought back up? <BR>I'm willing to give him time....but at the same time need to know how to deal with my feelings also...without badgering him with questions all the time.<BR>What do I make of things he does unconciously.....like turning over in his sleep....hugging me tight and kissing me on the forhead.....and turning over and holding me tight...all this while he's sleeping.....but doesn't remember doing it.<BR>He says he's trying....and I see it....as much as he thinks he can right now....we are 5 weeks into him being home....but I'm afraid that he will get tired of dealing with it...and decide to leave again and he's afraid I will do the same....which I won't. I've got plenty of fight left in me.....and I'm determined that this will work out...and he says he knows it will work out if we can get over the hump we are in right now.<P>

Miss Priss~<P>I will be sending you an email shortly. I too been and done the things you are doing now.<P>I understand completely!!!<P>Judy

Hi MP,<P>Handle by venting here. Before you do that please read some of the helpful info at MB. Here is a thread if you have not been given this already. <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009007.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009007.html</A> <P>Talking too much to your H may be more than he can handle and be detrimental to your recovery. I also can talk but found that sending e-mails to my H (when he was home, when he moved out and even now that he is at home) is helpful. <P>He can still read the important stuff with out having to listen to my voice and hear my very colorful 'inflections'.<P>Your H sounds hopeful, learn to recognize the true positive progress and work on the ones that are not. Being patient is a true virtue. If that is not one of your specialities (not one of mine), learn to cultivate it. Practice it on little things first. <P>Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Understand what a love buster is and how to avoid them. In time you will be better at communicating with your H. Communication is not only words but actions as well. <P>Try taking a look at the book, Giver/Takers and His Needs/Her Needs. <P>Take Care,<BR>L. <BR>