<P> <p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 04, 2001).]

What do you mean by a left turn exactly?

some help is free, take advantage of some of these counseling services, they will take your call and listen.<P><BR>United Way Helpline, Inc. <BR> (580) 355-7575 <BR> [Crisis line] (580) 355-7575 <BR> PO Box 66 <BR> Lawton, OK 73502 <P>(Index) Teenline, <BR> [Oklahoma City Department of Mental Health] <BR> (405) 271-8336 <BR> [Crisis line] (405) 271-8336 Local, <BR> (800) 522-8336 Nationwide Toll Free <BR> Capitol Station,P.O. Box 53277 <BR> Oklahoma City, OK 73152 <P>(Index) Contact Telephone Helpline <BR> (405) 840-9396 <BR> [Crisis line] (405) 848-2273 <BR> PO Box 12832 <BR> Oklahoma City, OK 73157 <P>(Index) Helpline/Ponca City <BR> (740) 765-5552 <BR> [Crisis line] (740) 765-5551 <BR> PO Box 375 <BR> Ponca City, OK 74602 <P>(Index) Tulsa Helpline <BR> (918) 838-0195 <BR> [Crisis line] (918) 836-4357 <BR> PO Box 52847 <BR> Tulsa, OK 74152 <P> <BR>

ya know if there is a university near you they will have free counseling as well, as part of there education program, you will get the expertise of the instructor and the students combined<BR>

oh and BREATH, deep breath in to the stomach through the nose and out down your body through your mouth, practice and repeat. say the words calm or peace as you do it <P>concentrate and do it three to five times in a row every time you feel overwhelmed BREATH<BR>

/<p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 04, 2001).]

This site has so much useful information. Read up on Plan A. Pray for yourself and your wife.<P>Yes, most of us have been where you are. I was 2 1/2 years ago. My H was very torn between the guilt over what he was doing, the 'fog', and all kinds of emotional stuff.<P>Please keep reading and don't give up--yes, I considered it too, very glad I did not.

We have all been there. Don't know what to do.<P>However, it does get better. You will go on. It may take a while, and you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there. And it is not the oncoming train.<P>The counseling department at the university I was attending was a godsend. Please investigate the resources available.<P>Keep posting. This board and several others are the only thing that have kept me sane over this past year and a half.

Choose the right. It may sound cliche but give yourselves time. Your d-day was not very long ago.<P>It sounds like you are the BS. I am a WS who is really getting better now thanks to God and a forgiving husband and my choice to cut off all contact with OM. <P>I can tell you that I felt shame, self-hatred and even though I am in recovery, sometimes still feel undeserving of receiving love from H. Things are getting better and it seems for most this can take a long time.<P>Please don't give up. You can see we are all here for you.<BR>Choose life. It is the one with the happier ending when given a chance. <P>Make sure right now you love yourself. Do some things just for you to help you relax and find things to take your mind off stuff even for a short time. You are worthy of love and it hurts to be burned. You will find wholeness even if it takes time.<P>Hang in and know you are supported.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

<P> <p>[This message has been edited by jdmac1 (edited August 04, 2001).]

Hey, jdmac1.<P>I was terrified watching my H sob uncontrollably and fall to pieces after I confessed. I don't know how it feels to be the BS and kind of have the reverse situation--H is the one who keeps things in. I NEED to talk. H worries about me falling to pieces but I told him in front of our C that yes, I do but I always pull myself together again and it's not fair not telling me what he needs. Things improved but I sometimes still think he withholds his feelings.<P>Sounds like your W is still in fog. I thought I really loved H and OM at same time during affair. When my fog began to lift, I admitted to myself OM is someone I would NEVER marry. And H is the best H in the universe (in my biased opinion ) I can't imagine the pain for you to have her to continue being blind. Follow Dr. Harely's and others' advice here and I pray things improve.<P>I think sometimes I put off seeing things through H's eyes as a BS (I am Ws obviously) because I know it would increase the pain to totally recognize what I did to him. I was set up but also walked right on in. H sees OM as one with goals and was likely to give up anyway as soon I was ready to have sex with him. It was almost to that point when I confessed. It scared me to think I could do that to H and woke me up to who REALLY loved me.<P>I wanted to comfort his brokenness but wondered if I had any right. What an awkward feeling.<P>OM living nearby is a real problem for you for sure. Is there any possibility you could move to another neighbourhood? I guess I am fortunate that we live in a city and although I shouldn't have done it, I did get a friend with security experience to see if Om still lived downtown (I live about 20 min away by car) It was wrong for me to do that but it lifted a giant pressure when I knew he either skipped town or moved to another area.<P>I know others here have had to face OP and expect some will share experiences and ideas on how to deal/cope with that.<P>You are right on to see the need for no LBs. In one sense it drove me crazy that H was so careful not to LB. I kept thinking Ok, he's gonna lose it one of these days and I'm gonna get it! But H is incredibly loving and patient. A child of divorce himself he chose to keep me and spare us all the pain of separation. His incredible fortitude makes me love him more every day. <P>Keep posting. Keep hoping, Ok? Wishing you the best and lots of patience that will hopefully be rewarded soon.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start