If you haven't already read my post, "what should I do now?"<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009075.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009075.html</A> <P><BR>there it is.<P>H came over tonight to pay his child support and spend a few minutes with the kids. He is so angry with me it is awful! I am so ashamed at myself for making such a huge LB! He doesn't care about that, all he can focus on now, is the fact that I did it. Me too.<P>Our conversation didn't last very long. At first he told me how he's made his choice, which is to not reconcile. But by the end of our conversation (perhaps a total of 10 minutes), he made some comments suggesting that trying to work things out RIGHT NOW is not an option. The incident is far too fresh in his mind.<P>I know he needs time to cool off. I also know that he will for certain be here on Friday morning for a few hours to visit with the kids.<P>Here's my question: how much time should I give (in days) before I start on plan A again? I talk to him every single day normally.. but should I not call for a few days? Or should I call, and not act as though nothing happened, b/c it did, and start plan aing immediately?<P>For any of you who have been LB'd on so majorly, how much time did you want or need to cool down?<P>Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!<P>Karen<BR>

apologize and admit that what you did was not handled in the best way. Plan A - all the way.

Karen,<P>On any LB that brings unpleasantness to the WS, it is my experience that you hear the same old lines, "That is it, we'll NEVER reconcile", "I was thinking alot about us, but now you've blown it"....bla bla bla.<P>I think that this is what you are hearing. My thoughts on this may be violating the MB principles, but sometimes I regret not LBing stronger in the past, by calling my wife's bluff and present evidence, calling OM, anything to stir things up. But I didn't, and soon I'm planning on moving to Plan B. Anyway, my point is that I'd not beat yourself up over your LB. You've already seen a quick turnaround from NEVER to NOT right now.<P>I'd just keep Plan Aing, until Plan B, and as cleo said, you can apologize and move forward. I don't think any kind of LB means you have to temporarily stop Plan A. Keep it going. He may not react, but his ears are always listening.<P>Good luck.<P>

You're absolutely right Rick, H is telling me those things that are listed in the "WS dictionary". But I'm falling for it, and believing it. I don't think I'm really naive in all of this.. I really do feel as though I can see HIS side of the events that have taken place. And I'm sure if our roles were reversed, I would be setback to non-trusting mode again too.<P>Ok... concensus is keep on truckin' with plan A! (note to self: whatever you do Karen, would you THINK first!!!).<P>Karen<BR>

Topie,<P>From what I read from your other post, your H gave you an STD correct?<BR>Well I am not an expert on the plan A/B thing..I am in the area of STD's ( womens health RN). You actually did your H a favor ( of course tone, has alot to do with it). In pretty much ALL of the states have a STD reporting system.<BR>Your doctor is required by LAW to report the name and addresses/phone/birthdate/if your pregnant or not...etc.. of anyone who has an STD...the state contacts you and you are required to give any information you have on any sexual partners you have been involved with this is usually very touchy when it comes to telling married Women they have an STD (was not my favorite part of my job...since all my patients were PG). I think if I had read you other post correctly...your Husband should have been making those calls..it was his resonsiblity by law to do so, and if he knowly gave an STD and did not report it to his partners, he is Libil ...STD's, untreated is a very large reason for infertility. this could have come back to haunt him (and you) big time...(speaking financially). OK not what you were looking for on the advice thing... but a tibit that should not be overlooked...

My Cross:<P>I do not know for certain that I've contracted an STD. I have my 'redo' test coming up on Monday May 28th. It will take a few weeks for those results.<P>However, it is true that my pap came back abnormal, and I just got a letter in the mail today, that I have to go in for a colposcopy. But the earliest appt isn't until late August!! I'm not impressed that I have to wait that long, but unless there are any cancellations, I have no choice.<P>I do know that it was H's responsibility to tell these people, but that's the biggest part of my LB. I took that away from him. My 'controlling' nature shone through yet again! I'm still not impressed by actions. But what's done is done. The best I can do is to not do anything like that again.<P>Karen<BR>