Okay, my husband is driving me insane. He tells me yesterday morning that he is done, quitting, that's it, he's leaving. Calls his OW and totally pushes her away so she 'll be out of his life. Tries to do the same with me, but I won't budge.<P>Keeps saying he's going to leave, BUT HE ISN'T!! Says he wants me for a friend but not to be here for him (he has no one else). Yesterday he wrote me 5 emails while I was at work (all about normal stuff) and whenever we see each other (hardly ever with him working 3rd shift) he acts normal. Occassionally he'll throw a jab, like last night he asks if I told my 6-year old that either we were leaving or he was. I said no, I brought it up to her but didn't say it was definate. He just shook his head yes like he understood.<P>I really, really need to know if there is ANYONE out there that had a W/H that was in withdrawal/depression and THEY DIDN'T WANT TO WORK THE MARRIAGE OUT while they were in withdrawal. All of the posts and things from Steve that I have read deal with a person in withdrawal that wants to save the marriage. I mean perhaps deep down this is what my husband wants, but that is not what he is conveying in his actions/words, so I have to assume at this point he does not want to work it out.<P>I'm just trying to leave him alone and give him his space for now, but in the meantime he is driving me crazy! I am beginning to hate my life and it's only been this way 2 days! I have no more hope for our marriage, I need to have hope to go on, but he is giving me nothing. The only hope I can get is trying to "read between the lines" so to speak and try to guess what he really wants.<P>Wish me luck and pray,pray,pray for me!!! I think we will actually "talk" today since I am working from home and my husband is not working tonight.<P>

Oh how I can relate!!! I have been there( still there sometimes!) My H claimed that our marriage 'was over in his head' when he confessed after I confronted him on valentines day. So he said he was leaving me since 'I could never forgive him for the A anyhow!" I told him I could forgive over time but he doubted me. OW took a job transfer soon after he confessed saying she was 'tired of him not divorcing me and going to be with her!" They worked closely together so she wanted to get away. But still kept calling him of course urging him to leave me.Is your H's OW controlling and wanting him all for herself? If so prepare for a long battle even if he says he is thru with her. My H broke it off with OW 5 times at least after he confessed to me. Then he would get weak and call her and she would make demands on him. A week after he confessed he was so confused I asked him to go stay somewhere to think things thru. He ended up staying at OW"s empty condo but told me he was staying with friends. During this time he would come by and shovel the snow for me and even come home for dinner nearly every night. That Friday I thought he was ready to move back in- came to find out he was seeing a divorce lawyer and seeing apts on his lunch hrs at the uring of OW!!! Talk about a split between his actions and his words!!! I let him move back home after 3 wks and even after that there was more rollercoaster. He was distant and when I tried to get him to talk he would start a fight with me and defend OW. Blame our marriage on any minor faults of mine. Re-wrote our marital history to make it sound worse than it really was for 15 yrs. Quit counseling after one session. Quit going to church.I would try to make dates for dinner for the two of us and he would go but not enjoy it at all. We fought more and then he SURPRISED me with divorce papers- saying we were incompatible. Came home from work told me that was what for sure he wanted then that night he broke down crying saying OW pressured him to do it!He cancelled the papers the next day. Can you believe it? We are now a month past that and SLOWLY SLOWLY trying to work things out. I tell you all this to let you know be prepared for a long ride if he really thinks he wants to leave but deep down DOESNT! I have only got thru all this mentally due to a strong antidepressant, sleeping meds, hot baths, starbucks coffee drinks, good Christian friends and a great book called The Power of a Praying Wife. - It has alot of prayers for troubled marriages in it.Do give him space and DONT bring up the A if you think it will lead to a fight between you. Try to make plans for summer or something in your future- that is the focus to take if possible. Prepare for relapses even if he wants to reconcile- mine has setbacks every 2 wks saying he wants out of our marriage but by a day or two later he changes his mind. And here I thought my teen daughters PMS was bad!!!Take care and keep posting- lifeismessyPS our fifteeth wedding anniversary is today- I hope I am still married this time next year! I told him I am totally against divorce and he will be doing it against my will and I will not agree to joint anything

WOW!<BR>Oh how I can relate to both of you. This sounds like lines straight out of my past three weeks:<P>[QUOTE]<BR><B>My H claimed that our marriage 'was over in his head' when he confessed after I confronted him on valentines day. So he said he was leaving me since 'I could never forgive him for the A anyhow!" </B><P>Not only that, but I have been making changes (lost weight, different clothes, makeup, self-esteem) and he even resents that! "Why did it take him doing this heinous (his word) act to get me to change?" I could never trust him again.<P>I have told him to leave. "oh, so now that you say I can leave, I can leave. now that it's your decision?" he says.<P>I have asked him when he's going to leave. I get no answer.<BR>So now I am going to continue to change me. I'm not talking about stuff unless we're in counseling. I'm going to let him decide when he wants to leave and leave. But he's going to have to do it on his own. Part of our problem is that I do everything for him. I tell him what to do. I make decisions for us. Well, I am not deciding this one.<P>At least not until I find it is becoming a detriment to me or the kids. That is where I hope the counseling will become beneficial.<P>Prayers and hugs for all of us! STRENGTH, PATIENCE and CONSISTENCY!<BR><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali