.when he keeps calling even after the D-day..."I'll never talk to her again" - and he still calls me....he still cares - he still..______fill in the blank. And he shows up at my dorstep my phone and in the whole he is "working on his marriage" - Hey I'm just human - I SOOOO try not to open that door - not to answer that call - but every now and again I guess I fail - so If you think that I'm a tramp for loving a MM well be my guest - I'm hurting soooo much - sure I had the choise - but life/love isn't black and white. I'm just soo ...way out there now....<P>I have been reading this board for sooo long and it has made a huge impact on me - still here I am this evening - and now I'm kind of a bit drunk - sorry!!!! - he was here ....you know the story....**** - WHY WHY do they do the things they do?<P>I'm sorry If I upset anyone here today with my post - It was never my intention - Just wanted to say that the hurt is all around and all OW are not so bad - I wish I could take it all back but then again he doesn't give me a chance since he keeps calling me even after I broke it off with him.<P>Are there ANY X-MM who can be honest enough to tell how they handeled the Withdarwel? - Most of the men here are just "OW was "****" - I regret evereything - etc....etc..." - Did you never have any feelings for the OW - ever?<P>Geez I'm rambling.... Sorry And I'm really SORRY If I posted this under the wrong premisis!<P>Ps. Excuse my poor English - It's my second language!<P>

Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>About your post: Are YOU married? Is the OM married? How long has this been going on? When did you try to break it off?<P><BR>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino<P><p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited May 23, 2001).]

Hi Nyneve<P>thank you for quick reply <P>You have NO idea about how many books I have read on this "matter" - still emotions go before reason - my "problem" - never the less I will check you recomendation out - Thanks!<P>

Hi,<P>I deleted all those links, because I first thought I should get answers to the questions... so... you are in withdrawl as you write this, right? <P>How do you know the OM? How long has it been going on? ...and yes, are you married, and is he, and how are the marriages (besides the obvious) doing?

humble,<P>i cried and sobbed so deeply i thought my heart would fall out.<P>but here is the deal, I loved her enough to not make her endure the pain of my marriage. <P>recovery or not she didnt deserve to be mistreated that way.<P>i told her that the next time she heard from me i would be availible and thats the last time i spoke to her.<P>i understand the emotions and i understand the pain believe me i do.<P>your likely to hear about what an awful thing being an OW is but put all that aside.<P>think about you and the MM. is what he doing really loving of you? what would an honorable man do, what would the man you would want for the rest of your life do??<P>is he doing it?

Hi Humblefish:<P>You are as welcome to this board as anyone...no one likes to see someone in pain....and we feel for you...as most of us know the pain that affairs can cause on all sides.<P>The problem that most MM don't realize before they get involved in an affair is that no matter bad your marriage was...you have a commitment there that existed before your affair...and you can understand that that causes a great deal of conflict in the MM...he is pulled in both directions and wants it all...but that's not possible...at least not for truly moral man. <P>If you can put your feelings aside (as best you can)....try to look at this situation objectively as to how he really feels...is he really still commited to his family....are you just something he wants on the side (that sounds hard...but it can be the case)...there are clues in his actions...he may trully feel he loves you...or he may just be in the "fog" that is spoken of so often here...what you need to do continue not to contact him until such time as he has decided what he really wants. But please let him decide...because he has a lot to lose...either way.<P>Remember you too can be a victim of the "fog"...this man once was her "knight in shining armour" too...but his armour got a little tarnished through the years....and perhaps in the future it would dull for you too.<P>Either way, you are welcome here...we could all benefit from hearing the OW's side of this...keeps us from getting too jaded by our own pain.<P>Faye

<B>"WHY WHY do they do the things they do?"</B><P>Because you let them.<P>what are you doing for him? do you think that your being loving of him, helping him? <P>your participating in the destruction of his family, seperate yourself from that, if he chooses to destroy his family let him, if your still interested in him after thats done then have at it. <P>but dont be the woman his kids look at a say she ruined my life.... (i dont know if he has kids just hear the spirit of this remark)<P>if he loved you really loved you he would be doing the right thing by you wouldnt he.<P>

Tale norsk? Mottakelsehar en hederlig mann som vÆrer viktig for Dehan ikke fungerer på i en måtelager at et krav for ham å å være i deres liv De fortjener den dont De? <P>

Where are you <B>humble</B>??<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited May 23, 2001).]

Thank you all for your repnses. It is SO HARD so hard and I will try to tell you MY point o view even thow I’m in th ”wrong” area” i.e-marrieagebuilders-area” - OK - So I’m an OW - yes I had a choise - sure!!! - I<BR>m not stupied - I had a choise - In MY case he persude me - I will not even get into it but - he eent after me - SURE - I could have STOPPED it but He - well ****/ girls/men - OK kill me! - BUT - I fell inlove.. ‘MB talk a lot about the ”FOG” - perhaps that is true perhaps it is not. - I don’t know. All I know Is that I really ries to make him not contact me - but he still does - and HEY all BS - Please please mdon’t ”hang the ” OW” - We have our own HELL and we are NOT happy go lucky- If I could I would turn the wourld around and make this go away cut I can not, <P>Tell me as an BS how can I stay away when he keeps calling?<P>All situations are different - PLEASE ‘PLEASE - Don’t dudge me too harch!!!<P><BR>PS11<P>I have always wondered about the "fog" thing and the "reality" thing - no offence to anyone but - I have always taken care of the economy/the real life things/ bills/well tou know all what life seves you..... - So my Q is really why in the wholw wide earth shoud me and another man (nomatter what his previous status - i-e. /was/) make any differense?) 'I mean bills are to be payed regardless if you re married or not???? - Why the "fantisy.escpe" - or am I missing somthig"

chazbutler<P>En lille en? - Puss & Kram på dig )))

chazbutler<P>Hey - just read your replu Nowegan boy ))) - Yes he is a MM - but they so not have children - so do not just judge dear - Hugs to you!!!!

My name is the OW,<P>I'm so sorry for coming in here in your "safe heaven' - I just wanted to say that I hurt to. YES!!!!! - ofcourse I did have a choise!!!!!! - YES - I could have sayed NO!!!! - But I did not - So kill me/sue me /assimmilate me/torture me - but in the end I just loved him.....that is and always will be my "crime"...I just loved him...and I have NO ecxuse for it....I wish I had I really do wish I had...but in all honisty...I love him. I know that you will never understand that - or perhaps you will - but please please know that (this sounds sooo patetic!!!!! - sorry) - I NEVER NEVER meant to hurt you!!!<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HumbleFish:<BR><B>chazbutler<P>Hey - just read your replu Nowegan boy ))) - Yes he is a MM - but they so not have children - so do not just judge dear - Hugs to you!!!!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I want to make sure I'm reading this right - are you saying that because this man does not have children, that it is not really an affair?<BR>

Nyneve<P>Gee - He not having children is not an option - But OK perhaps you see me as a "hollow" being becuause of that? - your choise!<P>If he had children - I would be even more sad - for his sake - but then again - coould you even grasp that understanding?<P>

I am trying to understand... and I have been in your shoes. Also, you are welcome here, as I told you. <P>Clearly, I am upsetting you, so I'll leave the others to share with you.<P>I am not the enemy humble.<P>I am sorry for your pain.

change your number, return his mail, make him act like a man, an honorable man make it clear to him that you dont want a man who cant make honorable decisions in life. and that when he comes to you while he is married to another he disgraces himself, his wife and you.<P>

Nyneve<P>You are NOT upseting me - PROMIS!!!<P>We are all gurting in one way or the other!!!!<P><BR>((((((HUGS)))))) to you<P><BR>See ya out there

Well, no that I'm talking - all that "No Contact" - Hey I hurt to BS´S - On my case I told him - WE are throgh - If he didn+t divorse his W - well - I guess I'm a SLUTT - I'm sooooo sorryyyyyy; hate me all you want - and I guess in the end I 'm a bad person .

Hey Humblefish,<BR>Still out there? I'm glad you're here. I am a BS but I think I've needed a dose of empathy. As a matter of fact, someone recently suggested that to me. The OW in my case is someone who if she had not gotten involed in an affair with my husband, had she been my friend, my heart would have gone out to. But, since she's married and gone back to her husband, I don't even have the choice of releaving myself of the struggle going on in me by giving her my H. He keeps coming back to me, and still loves her. And if I could be objective (out of the question), I'd be able to see what he sees in her. <P>You made me cry, but also helped me see that it's not all black and white...given the right person making a real effort, I could be in the same place my H found himself. <P>I don't have any helpful advice, (you already guessed that, I'm sure) but I wish you off the same roller coaster, just in a different car, that I'm on.<BR>G.