I've read lots and lots about most affairs being left alone and they will not survive more than 2 years. <P>My questions is are there always signs that things are not working out or does everything seem wonderful to everyone.<P>My H has lived with OW for over 1 year and seems happy. We have contact with each other about the children 2 see him my oldest daughter does not. He phones the children every night and always asks if I want to speak to him. I keep it to when I need to talk about the kids. When we do talk he always manages to put something into the conversation about something we did in the past or had I seen a certain film on TV - because he thought I would really enjoy it.<P>I am not sure whether plan A which I have been trying to do since about Sept is giving him the best of both worlds. He gets to live with OW but still be my friend.<P>Any ideas<P>Annie

Sounds like your H is sitting on his fence having his cake and eating it too. If you are still in plan A, are you coping well with it? If you feel that it is doing wonders, and there's a growing chance that he will want to come home to you and the kids, then stick to what you're doing. <P>But at the same time, the longer you continue to be his friend, the more he will see that you are accepting the whole situation. And since you're on here, I doubt that that is what your goal is.<P>You have to decide whether or not it is necessary to move on to plan B. I wish you all the best!<P>Karen<BR>

It is such a difficult position to be in. The only suggestion I have for you..is to just keep it about the kids and try very hard NOT to venture into any other type of conversation. <P>I do know how difficult that is, because I have a hard time of it myself. My H is not currently living with the ow, but works with her closely all day and will not give her up... "I want to work with her, because she is the best"...gag..... (if that isn't dysfunction I don't know what is)... and they even have a son together (now 4 months)<BR>(how she herself can deal with this is beyond me...she has two kids with her H whom she is divorcing... and seems to just take it... )<P>I have tried Plan B... BIG LB... tried to physically move, BIgger LB...and he stopped me legally. I could have fought it, and would have most likely one, but my kids would have suffered the most and I refuse to do that to them.<P>So now, I am just trying to extricate myself bit by bit, lovingly.... but telling myself everyday, that I am in control of myself. I will NOT judge him, but I am worth more than this. So, I stick with kid's issues and try NOT to get sucked into any other conversation. I have put the house on the market and am moving into my own place. I went back to school and will have a job. I am reaching out and finding new avenues to explore. I am telling myself that I am no longer responsible for him. I am responsible for me... and we have the common thread of the kids. And I am leaving it at that for now.<P>

Thanks for the replies. It is really difficult to know what to do for the best but I will just keep plodding on doing what I think is best for the kids. <P>Tootrusting - you are right about exploring new avenues. I have found out things about myself that I never knew. I have been able to do things that seemed impossible before all this.<P>I will keep reminding myself that I cannot change him only myself.<P>Love & prayers<P>A