H is living with the OW! I saw receipts from his dinners out with OW! He complains that I spend too much on house repairs and such when he spends huge amounts on liquor that they drink together and dinner out. Nobody takes me out for dinner!!!!!!!It pisses me that he can so easily change his mind from dining with me to dining with her.I don't know how much longer I can do this!<BR>I had to say it here or I'd likely LB orit might come out in a nervous twitch some day. Argh! Right now I hate him.

[[[[[hugs]]]]] and prayers to you Maezy!<P><P>------------------<BR>See each day as a new beginning!<P>Cali

vent all you want. venting is good. but do it here.

Maezy,<P>Is your H using "family" money to entertain OW? I would suggest keeping these receipts or making copies of them. You never know when you'll need proof. If he is using "family" money, which I"m sure that he is, then he is "stealing" from your family to fund his A.

I hear ya! Since I didn't know "for sure" about the A until it was over I got the pleasure of piecing it all together afterwards. H is a receipt saving fanatic. I always had access to the checking account so I knew about how much money was coming out, just not where it was going. $400 a month for his "lonely, empty apartment" in a bad part of town. The apartment never existed. He was actually paying the rent on the fleabag apaprtment SHE rented in the bad part of town. One day I came home to find that he had all the premium cable channels turned off because it was too expensive. I evantually found a receipt showing that the same week he spent $200 on clothes for OW's kid. Not much on nice dinners. He didn't want to be seen in public with her so they mostly went to seedy (cheap) bars. He bought us both Xmas gifts on the same day. At least I got nice things and she got cheap crap. When H moved back home he brought a big box of receipts, bills etc home form his office. I went through them with a fin toothed comb and I still have every one of them hidden away. I suggest you do the same.

Thanks for listening guys. I have to admit that he does mostly take her to seedy cheap bars and buy beer at the liquor store, order pizza in, etc. but I have found a few receipts for nicer restaurants too. I know I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers for mother's day so I guess it's not all bad.<BR>Fairydust-Thanks for the advice about the receipts. I'm always interested in your posts as your H reminds me so much of mine.

Hi Maezy:<P>Interestingly enough I have a questions about the opposite of what you're complaining about..why the OW puts up with my WS continuing to see that I have all the money I need while I don't see any indication that he is spending any money on her.,,as she is living in a leaking rundown trailer house Of course she is married and apart from her H, but she is still driving around in an old beat up car while I just got through buying new car...paid for by WS. If I was OW this would really make me mad...it makes it look like his priority is still with me. I think it's guilt of course on his part...but it makes me wonder about how it must make OW feel...that and how he refuses to get a divorce.<P>I often think that OW is more of a running buddy (who WS can also sleep with) that he can browse the bars with while not expecting anything out of him except a good time...it's odd.<P>Faye<P><BR>Faye<BR> <P>

Hi Mazey,<P>Yep, keep the receipts and a spreadsheet on the income he is using for his family vs the bills. If he is shorting the family budget to finance his A, you will see it real clear. If you have to go to a mediator for finances, that spreadsheet will come in real handy. Mine did. H's BIL said I kept better records than he did on his business and he is pretty meticulous. <P>It was hard to see those receipts. H is hap hazard about keeping his paperwork, so I saw the hotel bill at the Yosemite Lodge and saw the in-room dinner receipt also. H paid for all that. Hmmph. That almost made me cry. Then it made me angry because that month I got almost nothing yet I paid couple thousand towards H's bills. Used up a lot my savings to carry for H's bills over those 4 months. <P>So vent as much as you need. You'd be surprises the ideas that come out on this board. I am constantly amazed. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Hey Buffy!<P>The OW whom you are dealing with, sounds like a clone of the former OW (aka Bar-Fly), that we dealt with. I wonder if they're related?<P>I view the former OW the same way...low-class running bar buddy who my H could drink with...blech!<P>

Buffy-I see alot of similarities to your OW. Why do they put up with it? I have a new car-she drives a beat up old Ford-we have a beautiful home -H lives with her in her dumpy old house in crappy part of town(H still makes payments on my house and car)H drinks with her(I don't drink)in seedy bars-Why do they put up with it? I guess they same reason they chase other women's H's-they don't think they deserve anything better??<BR>I'm looking at things in a new light here.<BR>Orchid- The good thing is that the receipts are showing he is spending less and less (that I can see) on her now that H lives with her.Yes, this board is a life-saver!