I am currently in Plan B. I started on Saturday. However, something very distrubing happened last night at church and I ended up contacting H. Someone from church had contacted H yesterday and H told this person that it was likely that we were getting a D. He has told me all along that he does not need a D because he is not planning to marry the OW. He tells me that he does not want to me "married" but does not need a D. Am I the only one who is confused? He has told me that if he wanted to be married he would come back to me and that he was not 100% sure that he would never come back, but that it was not likely that he would. <P>After I spoke with this person at chuch I was devastated and ended up calling H at 11:00 p.m. to ask him what he wanted to do. He said that if he tells me that he wants a D I will assume that he is going to run off and marry the OW, so there is no need for a D at this time. I guess I am just supposed to wait around until he decides to marry her. I told him that I missed him and he said that he misses me too. He will agree to see me and talk to me if there is no discussion on getting back together or he and the OW. <P>What should I do? Do I stay in Plan B and let her continue to deposit love units while I get none or do I go back to Plan A and try to deposit as many as I can? HELP!!!

Well, you can't change your Plans with the weather. If you're in Plan B, you should not be contacting him, telling him you miss him, etc. The whole point of Plan B is to have the OW be there to meet ALL his needs (physical, emotional, etc). And in the meantime, Plan B allows you to heal and to prepare for the divorced life by slowly detaching from him. Having "I miss you" conversations sabotages both objectives.<P>If you've only been in Plan B since Saturday, jumping out of Plan B into Plan A would be very confusing to your H. I like to project the image to my W that I am stable and well grounded in my actions, which is why I try my best to stick with Plan B these days (despite her constant efforts to sucker me out of it).<P>Anyway, if he is still in contact (or in bed) with the OW, I see no reason to leave Plan B, since the whole reason for Plan B was to wait out his affair.<P>AGG

I agree with AGG.<P>And also, the chatter about divorce is just your foggy H talking. You've got to ignore stuff like that and expect weird behavior. Try not to react to it.<P>Stick to your goals.

Stick with your plan no matter how hard it is, Let him do and say what he wants, remember he is in the fog. My ex keeps leaving messages and finding reason to call. I do not answer messages and keep conversation to on minute or less. She made her choices, so let the OM meet her needs. It is important for me to recover and get on with my life. IF and when she comes out of the fog and leaves OM or he leaves her, since he left his wife also he is in the fog. Anyway I will stick to my plan until it ends for them, then I will be open to her if that is what she wants. Right now I am trying to give her what she wants.<P>

I know that you are both right, but I have this huge fear that H and OW will be able to meet all of each other's emotional needs and he will never come back. That is still my goal (to get him back). I am also afraid that I moved to Plan B too quickly. Although he says that if things do not work out with the OW he will come back to me because he knows I have changed, as much as he has lied in the past how can I believe that?