No not really a date .... but what would you call it? After 10 months of Plan B and just the teeny bit of counseling (3 sessions in the past 2 weeks) The counselor said, "Well next time why don't you 2 go out and just talk. Then come back and tell me what you came up with." I don't know if we are ready for this!!! I don't know if we can just talk at this point. I don't want to be "reactive" (as the counselor calls it) to what we say. But I don't know if I can be anything else. At the counseling I have been cool,calm and pleasant. I have stated out right that I don't know what I want at this point. I do know what I want really but it would take a lot on my husband's part and I don't know if he's ready to hear that yet. Any suggestions on how to handle this? It's not till next Thurs.<BR> Thanks<BR> Kris

Maybe you could start with one or two of the most important things that you want from him so it won't be as overwhelming to him.I can imagine if I was at this state with my H I wouldn't want to give him a list as it would probably scare him away- yet he has to know you have some expectations.

If you are concerned about the talk, then how about limiting the "date" (or talk) to something short, like going for an ice cream or coffee. Think of some things to discuss (general or specific), and just try and have fun.<P>That is the best I can do......sorry! I wish you the best of luck though.

I agree with Rick. Some of our first outings were ice cream or coffee, a walk around the lake or a beer on the deck. Having food or drink or a light activity gives a place for the conversation to flow from.

Thank you all - <P> My husband and I have had no contact in these past 10 months other than a few not pleasant phone calls (me trying to talk but becoming irrational, crying, asking how can you do this to our 4 kids? etc.)and a notes that I've had the kids give him when he's seen them mostly relating to financial matters. I have had no idea where he's lived for most of the time and only had a work number for him until the last few months.<BR> So much has been left to the imagination after he moved out. Though I think it was good for me and the children on one level it has left a lot in the air. Was he living with the girl? Did she have the baby? (She did in Dec. but I didn't even hear about it till April) Did they love each other or was it as he says (and still says) their PA was the result of his own crisis and has less to do with her than I think? Does he want to have close contact with this child? etc. etc. etc.......<BR> So now we are to go out and none of these questions have been dealt with because our 3 counseling sessions focused on understanding "differentiated self" theory and what led him to that point. He did say at the second session he wanted to work on the marriage. He did say he is not living with the girl. And I did say I wasn't sure what I wanted at this point. <BR> Now as a fairly direct, compulsive person it is going to be very difficult to go out casually. I guess I can do it but it is going to take a tremendous amount of self control. Can I do it? I think so but I am afraid of going backwards as opposed to forwards.<P>Lora - What type of things did you talk about? Had you had contact before you did those types of activites together?<P>Rick37- Thanks for the suggestions. I think you are right. Keep it light.<P>Maezy - I'm not sure what I want at this time but I guess it would for him to grow up and not blame me for his own inadequacies which I can't say. Or that I want him to have no contact with OW and OC which I won't say at this point either. <P> Thanks again to all if anyone else has any suggestions I'd appreciate it.<BR> Kris <BR>