ok....by now I think I'm obsessing with this. Thinking about it constantly.<BR>When I first found out about my H's A...he thought of seperation and decided that wasn't what he wanted.....and we decided to give it all a go again.<BR>He was attentive...reassuring and loving during this time....but the A was still in full swing at work....though he wasn't sitting in her car anymore on breaks and lunch...there were still letters being passed. High School stuff. He never told her it was over. 2 weeks go by and I find out that it's not over and that next morning after being with the OW for 6 hours he says he's leaving...but not for her...RIGHT!<BR>While he's gone he's cold to me to the point where he doesn't even ask me how I'm doing and won't look at me at all.<BR>He's gone for about 5 days and then all of the sudden wants to come home. While he's home he's still on 2nd shift....the OW on first....and within 2 weeks he's back on first. While he's home and on 2nd shift he's attentive...loving and caring. Even went so far as discussing having more children. We celebrate our 10th anniversary...he makes all the plans for a night away from home in a very nice hotel out of town. Back on 1st now and everything is different. He admits that he's the one that pulled her back in. I find out that it's still going on and he leaves again. This time to be with her. I find out that the reason he came home was to make everyone happy and that he was pretending the whole time.<BR>He admits to me that even while he's with her he's looking at other women...and that there are things that bother him about her. This time when he's gone he actually act's like he cares about me...asking me how I am...wanting to actually have conversations with me....telling me if I want to talk to call him later....telling me I'm his best friend....all the while telling me that there is no chance for us "right now"....and me telling him that I love him too much to give up my fight....and backing off and saying please just promise me that when you are ready to come home....no matter what I'm doing...you will let me know. He promises. And later tells me that when I told him that he wanted to hug me...just to feel me but couldn't because he didn't want to get my hopes up.<BR>Ok....he's gone for 6 days this time....and I will get specific on how he came home here.<BR>We attended an Easter dinner at his parents together...for out children. When it came time to leave the girls and I were supposed to go to my aunt's. I was too upset to drive so I took the girls home. My H and his parents had a falling out and my H took off walking. Not knowing where he was headed. He ended up here....in the back yard just sitting there. He was in suicide mode saying I have no parents. Me being really really worried I called his parents and they came over. His father takes back everything they had said before telling him it was wrong for him to say. His father and him leave for a while and when they come back....my H wants to come home again saying all he can think of was that it was something new. He also said that he didn't know where he was going...wasn't thinking or anything when he was walking...and said that God pointed him in this direction to our house...and we were home when we weren't supposed to me...so this must be where God wants him to be. I have to believe him when he says this because my H is not a religious man at all.<BR>He told his parents before he decided to come back that he knew he wasn't in love with me....but neglected to tell me when he came back. He finally told me when I questioned his lack of affection...and said he knows that the in love feelings are there....but doesn't know how to get them out.<BR>Since he broke it off with her a coworker told him that this OW had tried to get him to leave his wife also....you could see the shock and realization on my H's face when he heard this....but he wouldn't listen to what anyone had to say about her when the A was going on.<BR>So....now that he see's her as a user and a controlling person is it still possible for him to have feelings for her? <BR>And....why was he able to give me all this affection when the A was still going on....when he can admit he had NO feelings for me...and have them for me now and not show them?<BR>And....how am I supposed to be able to handle knowing that he HAS to have at least a little contact with her every day at work? We agreed when he came home....no Hi's, Bye's or How ya doin's....but have since found out he says Hi to her every now and then but has no conversation with her other than when he has to tell her what to do. He says he has to because he can't ignore her because he's her boss until the night shift supervisor comes in.<BR>Puts both of us in a rough spot.<BR>He gets mad because I think that he shouldn't even be in a group of people talking when she is in the same group....and he says I should be ok with it because he isn't talking to her.<BR>Oh how I do ramble on.....so sorry.<BR>

yes you rambled but we read anyways,,, dont worry... I think the first thing is calling the Harleys would help you out...<BR>second get the book Surviving an Affair,,, I am almost finished reading defenitely will help you (and it will contain much of the advice that the Harley will give you I am thinking)<BR>I think also you might want to tell H that he needs to talk to his employer about moving to another department since he is putting himself and the company at risk for a lawsuit if she decides to say "sexual harrassment" since he is her boss... do not take any chances here since it is his income that is at stake here... <BR>good luck<BR>C1

I'm stuck in a position there also...asking my H to ask for a transfer. He won't do it...absolutley refuses to due to the fact that he would have to take a pay cut. He also refuses to quit his job due to having to take a huge paycut if he does. There aren't many jobs around here available.<BR>He says...work is work...I go there to do my job and that's it. This woman doesn't work the same shift anymore but her name is still mentioned when he is talking with coworkers....both at work and at home on the phone.<BR>Her name is a reminder to me....and I don't think that is fair to me. <BR>He keeps saying....I could be wrong...but I don't think you're ever going to get over this.<BR>How am I expected to when I hear him say her name and hear him priase how good of a worker she is because others are complaining about her.<BR>I think he's being a little unfair in expecting me to be ok with him still having at least a working contact with her and having to hear him mention her from time to time.<BR>He says it's over and has no feelings for her. It being over has been pretty much proven since I know they have little or no contact with each other unless it's work related......but there is always a chance there that it could be started up. <BR>I keep telling him that it's not him I'm worried about starting it all back up...it's her since he's the one that broke it off both times. Wondering if he has the willpower to tell her no...he says that he does.<BR>I'm just confused that he would tell me and agree with me at first that there was to be no contact at all....and now I hear that there is...within groups and him having to help her on a machine.<BR>His words when he broke it off with her were.....I need to be with my family. That's it. No mention of love for me as his wife. He's never given her more of an explanation than that that I know of and she has asked on 2 occasions. Once that day..and he refused to meet her...and once by asking someone else to ask him....but to my knowledge has never asked him herself.

Miss Priss~<P>You've got mail!!!<P>Judy<P>

Miss Priss,<BR>I'm trying to figure out whether to be depressed for both of us or comforted by how much of what you say sounds like me! I thumbed through a book about going through processes to divorce...the consensus was that we can expect all this back and forth crap with them and our own feeling for about 2 years. Ya reckon they'll let us room in the looney bin together?????<BR>bighope aka Judy,<BR>Some of your posts have been very helpful to me...please put anything "public" that might help another BS survive in this situation.<BR>Thanks<BR>G.