Just a brief background-<P>-long term off again/on again affair<BR>-off for now although some slight contact - running into each other downtown (their offices are only a couple of buildings apart)<BR>-H still says that he wants out of the marriage<BR>-H is unwilling to discuss counseling (says it would only be for me to get him to stay and he doesn't want that)<BR>-PA over last October<BR>-H still seems to be in withdrawal - I know that incidental meetings with OW are not helping<BR>-I definitely want to repair the marriage and am two months into strong plan A (didn't really understand the concept before then, but I was trying)<P><BR>We have two children ages 10 and 12. At this point they know that things are not good with Mom and Dad (we are sleeping in different rooms). But we also just scheduled a family vacation for early August (go figure!) If H leaves and regains contact with OW, I will be in plan B. This is so different from the interaction that the children are used to that I am concerned about what to tell them. <P>They have no idea about the A or any OW and certainly do not know that problems have been going on for some time. (As a family and even around the house H and I are very compatable and very close. We do an enormous amount of family things together).<P>Any ideas on if (and how) the children should be told about the A and the OW....especially if I have to go to plan B?<P>I have a session set up with Steve next week, but any insight from the knowledge base here would be appreciated.

In my own humble opinion.....I think that the children should be told the completel truth....if they suspect that there is someone else involved.<BR>If not...then you could just explain it as problems that you and your H are having for the time being.<BR>Kids are smarter than we think. My 10 yr old daughter got the jist of what was going on by eavesdropping on mine and H's conversations.<BR>We then decided to come completely clean with her...she knows everything and although it's hurt her....it has filtered out some confusion for her. <BR>It's not the same in every case though....we have always been completely honest with her with eveyrthing.

IMO, if you believe your kids are able to handle it, try this:<P>Ask them to sit with you (and your H if possible). Be upfront with them in the fact that you know they realize 'mom and dad' are having problems. Don't tell them what they are, but ask your kids to ask you questions. Have them write them out first. They can talk about it together, come up with a list together, etc. Then you can read the questions with your H, and together, you can decide what is the best way to answer them. Explain to your kids that once they have written out their questions, it may take a few days before you can answer them, and be honest in the fact that you may not be able to give them all of the answers they 'think' they want to hear.<P>I'm not sure if this idea will work. And I'll admit that it only just came to mind now. However, my reasoning behind it, is all the talk on here about letter writing, and taking the time to think about what's written, and how to answer. I would imagine that this method would work just as well with the kids. After all, it is true, that they know more than we give them credit for.<P>Karen<BR>