There was in interesting thing pointed out to me the other day in talking with a friend of mine who used to come here a lot. I had been talking about things that i had learned about relationships in the past year. and i have a book that talks abuot in a journal to write down the things you like about your spouse and the things you dont. and the things you like abouty ourself and the things you dont like about yourself. This friend of mine took one look at my list about myself and said..."why do you always put yourself down?" "why are you so hard on yourself"??... and i said.....heck.....im intitled to not like things about myself....<P>but the ultimate point was....because i dont have much self confidence...in myself....my looks....ect....that is a door that a man would use to walk into. IF your spouse also doesnt give much thot of those areas....and someone else does......then...POOF! hell takes over.<P>YOU know what?? i hadnt thot of that. Im in no way shape or fashion looking for an affair...but i wasnt looking before either. My H has been doing WONDERFUL about meeting my needs.....ive been meeting his! I took time off line, took time to fine *MERCY*. Who is mercy......what do I belive?? what do i want?? Who am I to the people around me?? <P>The last post i posted here.....we were headed for divorce court. WELLLLLLLLL, in this state they dont just 'GRANT" you a divorce....you have to get counseling ect ect. well...that is what we had to do and well....would you belive it was salvageable after all?? <P>I had a friend of mine who went through this same thing adn she said..." i never want to forget the pain, becaues i never want to end up in that position myself". <P>Im not sure i could be in many of your positions. Im not sure i could live iwth it if my hsuband did it. But i thank God each day for a husband who loves me, basically, it has been unconditionally. He has stood by me no matter the mood, no matter the fights, no matter the frustrations. ONLY once did he falter, and well...geesh....who wouldnt?? <P>When someone close to you suddenly dies, it is quite a long time before you can talk about it with out the tears, and even longer before you can talk about that person with joy. It is the same with the death of a relationship. <P>I dont come here much anymore....the pain is hard to take. I lurke....i reply to those that really strike me. I think as a recover (er) it is hard to come hre and read the pain, until you, yourself are tototaly healed. I think that is why some leave...and eventually come back. I think of you all often, wonder how everyone is. i know that i wondered where many had gone...and found them on divorcing boards that saddens me. But, this adultery, is soo damaging, not only to the person who did it, but the person it was done to, the one that participate(OM OP OW), the children, your family, your friends. It has to be the utmost devestating acts ever committed.<P>What makes me think about the harshness of adultery is when, King David...he wanted Bethesheba sooooooooooooo bad he had her husband killed....Pathetic isnt it?? well..do any of you know what his punishment was?? NOT only was his child that bathsheba bore, die....his WHOLE family was cursed. Generation upon Generation. adultery is betrayal of ones self worth. When reading the bible...adultery is one of the worst betrayals of oneself. any sin is sin....not one sin is worse than any other...but....the conditn in which the heart is after adulterty...tells you...it is self destruction.<P>I wonder if we could convince the courts that counseling is NOT needed AFTER the marriage falls apart.....BUT BEFORE the marraige gets started????<P><BR>Love ya all...<BR>mercy