It sure seems to me that otherwise decent, law-abiding, and moral people are the first ones to look the other way when someone they know starts cheating. They will look the other way so fast that you'd swear their necks would snap. They will immediately take sides between H and W and even "help" the one they pick by covering for him or her when necessary.<P>These days, it's easier for someone to come out of the closet than it is to talk openly about a spouse having an A -- and wouldn't a little fresh air and sunshine do wonders for the situation, instead of frantically trying to hide it all under a rock?<P>Cheaters DEPEND on their spouses not to make a fuss. They DEPEND on their friends to cover for them and make excuses. They DEPEND on "embarassment" to keep everybody QUIET.<P>At this point, I am ready to take out a full-page ad in the city newspaper with all the details I know of H's little flings. Then I will send the clippings to his out-of-state relatives who think he's the perfect family man.<P>This is another reason why I am having so much trouble with my own situation. H has so many Good Friends at work, and I know that they will side with him - not me. I do not trust ANYONE there to tell me the truth about what H does or does not do in connection with his job.<P>For the cheater, it's the perfect vicious circle, isn't it? H starts wandering, W gets suspicious and uneasy, but she can't prove anything. So H wanders a little farther, and W starts to get depressed and agitated, and so everyone else thinks, "Well! No wonder poor H has to look elsewhere! Look at the psychob*tch he's married to!"<P>Just about perfect, innit?<P>Psycho_B***h <BR>(no kidding)<BR>

Hi PB,<P>It is the fog trying to condition the mind (their mind), don't let them do the same to you. Either by making you cave into by lowering your self esteem into nothing or positioning you to also do what they are doing with someone else. Either way, they win. <P>So, you set your own rules. You take control of your life and your decisions. You determine what your emtional needs are and work with them. <P>My H wonders why I come here so much. Well, this is where some of my emotional needs are met. There are those here that are going through similar situations and their words and the basic concepts written here help me make better decisions for myself and my family. I have not lost my santity as a result. There are other factors also but this place has been beneficial. I also told H that when he is able to meet the needs of his family, then my reasons for coming here will diminish. I will then be able to come and visit to help more than be helped. Either way it is my decision to come to this site. <P>As far as taking out an add. You are not the first one with that idea. I don't think I was either. In fact I was just telling a friend the other day that I think we should all take out personal adds where the OP lives and place one for them. "Lovely MW seeking any kind of men for any kind of reason. PH#: ___ ___-_____ Looking for a good time". <P>Hey, don't do it. It was a silly idea but also served as a stress reliever. See this OW has been a real ...... Well sufficient to say your user name fits her way better than it does you. Which is why I still say you need to change your user name. ..... <P>Making you look bad is probably a major topic of their conversation. Although H said they did not talk about me much, I knew this was not true because Psyco Babble lady really had a lot to say about me. Even in the last 30+ voicemails she left in the past 3 weeks, she talks about me practically every time. You know OW & I should probably meet, after all 'she knows me so well'. Hm...... Right...<BR>But she is a piece of chicken ..... and is supposedly too scared to meet me. Why??!!??! She is brave on the voicemail and brave in the e-mails, but she is not brave in person? Where is her enduring love that knows no bounds? Time to put your face there your mouth has been OW..... <P>I'll bet there are a lot of BSs willing to face off with their OPs. Some may be worth it and others not, whatever the reason, we don't always get the chance we want so we improvise. <P>Take Care and don't worry to much. That only makes wrinkles and I know I don't need any more. <P>L.<BR>

Orchid,<P>I would love to coem face to face with the OM. This is what I would do, I make the SOB get in my car and I would drive him to his house and in front of his wife, I wuld introduce myself to her and tell her her husban has soemthing to say to her and well if he chickens out then I will tell her that your SOB has a lot to do with why I am getting a divorce and that my daughter is suffering because he and my stupid STBX could not control there lust. Oh I would not get violent, I would have a few of my guy firends there that also look down on infidelity that would be there to keep things civil. Then maybe he can feel some of my pain and oh yeah he has 3 kids, I feel sorry for them if i got the oportunity to do this and I am looking, but you know what like I have been told so many times life sucks.<P>Oh and by the way my STBX she actually had the nerve to ask me not to tell his wife because it would hurt the kids, waht a freaking B&*%$. Oh what about our little daughter. man she makes me sick........ Oh well i jsut wait for the day to come and oh it will, it will.....

Most amazing. So this OM's wife does not know? Even now? I do not understand why people just let just things go. Don't you think that he poor woman has the right to know? Shouldn't someone tell her? Not out of vindictiveness, not out of retribution or meanness. But because she is being wronged and has the right to make decisions about her life based on facts.<P>MHO<BR>Z<BR>

Hi,<P>What bothers me is that it seems affairs ARE NOT taboo anymore. They are actually glorified in movies, on television, and in literature. There was actually an column in our local paper a few weeks ago about Alienation of Affection Lawsuits (still legal in my state). The writer commented that "just because a few people think cheating is wrong" is not a reason to allow civil suits related to adultery! I was so furious that I wrote an immediate response which was acknowledged but never printed.<P>Another thing that was formerly taboo but is now being widely accepted is pornography (also another of my pet peeves). I would guess that child molesting is the last taboo, but at the rate our society is falling who knows how long even THAT will be considered unacceptable?<P>Peppermint