Unfortunately, I can't really tell you where to go from here, I can only sympathize with you. I have had the very same struggle since finding out that my husband has had at least one affair involving sex and many many internet affairs where pictures were exchanged for the use of pleasuring one another.<P>I had thought that our love was exclusive and that he esteemed my body for the person inside of it. I knew and loved every inch of his body and the thought that he shared what was so familiar to me with someone else makes me so sick inside. We had had what I thought was a beautiful sexual relationship--he was all I wanted and I thought that I was all he could want. Now I feel that I was just a piece of @$$ like all of the rest of them. He was able to go from her bed to mine without a thought. That's what hurts so badly.<P>He doesn't get the picture, either, because he is still heavily into pornography.<P>When I questioned him about whether he had any regard to STD's or giving me a disease, he nonchalantly said, "Well, I get checked out twice a year for AIDS--and you don't have AIDS, do you?" (Thanks for your concern, buddy.)<P>I have tried to talk about this to other people, ie, counselors, chaplan, about how I feel dirty and disgusted and I could easily remain celebate for the rest of my life after this, and I am only told that if I were to cut him off, it would just drive him further away. Makes me feel like a comfort woman--that he can have sex with me and disregard the rest of me, my whole person, my thoughts and feelings and who I am. Just as long as he gets some action--and he can get that anywhere, apparently. Like from his computer screen.<P>Well, anyways, I have a real problem, I guess. YOu hang in there, you are not alone in this.
