AAAHHH!! I am so upset today. My husband is just so damn stubborn. Yesterday he gets home in the morning and says he needs time alone and asks if I can take the kids out for a while. So I agree, I come home, he hugs me (wow!) and thanks me for giving him that time. He also says he still feels like he needs to get an apartment and leave.<P>Then later on he asks if (after he leaves) he can still come over and help clean the house, make supper for us and help out in general because I will need it. He says he still cares for me, has a commitment to me and needs to be there help take care of me. (I said no, you need time alone). Then I start talking about what he's going to do when he leaves. He says he definately does not want to get involved with any women, but he is still not over OW and if she contacts him then he will probably melt and doesn't know what will happen. He knows it is not right and doesn't want it, but he won't be able to help himself (AAHHH!!). He also says he doubts this will happen since he's pretty sure he hurt her enough that she will never speak to him again (yeah right).<P>So then I tell him I need this move to be temporary. For him to go be by himself for a while and figure things out. That he's very confused right now and needs some time to realize what's important to him. (in previous posts I had mentioned that my husband is adamant about this being the end, him NEVER coming back no matter what even if he wants to). He said he understood but didn't agree to it.<P>I know I am not making things much better. I try to be strong but end up spending most of the day depressed and crying. Some days I do okay, but most days I end up sobbing away which only makes him feel worse about hurting us.<P>It makes me so mad because he's slowly taking away everything that means something to me. I feel like I have no control and I'm being forced to do things I said I would never do and things I don't believe in. (like my kids starting full-time daycare tomorrow - NO!! - at least it is with a friend...)<P>So, thanks for letting me vent. I don't know what I'm going to do with this strange man living with me. I want my husband back!

You are doing fine under the circumstances! Stop beating yourself up! My H said the exact same things yours is saying. He kept saying he needed time alone (OW was out of the picture)but didn't make concrete plans to go until I told him I couldn't handle him constantly saying he didn't know what he wanted and told him "I" needed him to go until he could decide.<P>The thing that effected my H the most was that I got strong and showed him I could do it all without him. We separated for 2 months(he couldn't stand it any longer than that). Good things can come out of letting them go for awhile. There is no other way for them to see what life will be like without you and the kids. Mine couldn't stay away, so I plan A'd him when he'd come by, but would not let him back until he was sure of what he wanted. Now, 20 months later, he gets tears in his eyes if he remembers back to that time that he calls "the most sad, painful time in my life". Cry all you want to and need to, just limit the amount of crying you do in front of him. He will wonder more about losing you if you are strong and confident (doesn't mean you have to feel that way on the inside).<P>I had to tell my H to finally go because I didn't want to live the rest of my life wondering if he would do this again some day. By separating I was assured that he knew exactly what life would be without us. He didn't have to "wonder" about that anymore, he lived it, and found out it wasn't what he thought it would be. I knew that if he didn't experience what it was like to be separated that he might very well harbor that need to find out deep down and we would be at risk of another affair down the road. I knew I couldn't withstand this again and it would be over if he ever did this again. He knows for sure now where he wants to be, he saw that I am strong enough to do it all on my own ( an eye opener)and he knows the devistation it caused. Sometimes when we hold on too tightly they run through our fingers like grains of sand. When they are so addicted to the "high" of the affair, and overwhelmed with guilt, it is also very difficult for them to ever imagine that the marriage can be repaired. Offer your forgiveness, your statement that you know your part and are busy making changes, then the rest is up to him. There is not a single thing you can do to change him or his perception,he has to do it. What you can do is give him something different to see that will have a good chance of altering his perception.You can't make it happen but you can swing things in the direction they need to go. Chin up and get to it!!! All the best to you!