I have just ended an 1 1/2 year affair with a MM. His wife found out a couple months ago but it still continued. I feel awful about it. We have been emotionally involved for 5 years and worked together for 10. He went back and forth between wanting to leave his wife and wanting to give his marriage a try. He decided the latter and I don't blame him. My husband does not know about this affair. If I am going to work on my marriage, do I have to tell him? I don't know if I can keep carrying this guilt but I don't know if I can hurt him. I don't know if our marriage will make it through. I really don't love him anymore and am torn about what to do. I am not attracted to him at all and I don't think he can ever meet my basic needs. I am lost! Please help. We have been married 9 years and have 2 kids that we both love to death! I feel selfish.

#1-Why do you want to work on your M when you don't love your H?Is it maybe the fog talking and you feel more for him than you realize?<BR>#2-AND if you DO want your M, you have to tell and take the consequences.Because you can't work on it,honestly and fully,unless he knows what he is dealing with.Takes two,honey.Two to break it and two to make it.<BR>#3-Selfish,hmmm. It appears by all written here, that As are based on selfishness.My Hs affair was certainly selfish...all his "reasons" turned out to be crap,but only after the fact.<BR>This is all just my opinion.You don't do anyone any favors by selling them short, not yourself or your H. You don't say if he loves you...does he?

jmsmom,<P>Wounded makes some good points... let me add some questions:<P>Why did you marry your husband? Did you love him when you married him?<P>What about the affair fulfilled your needs? What ARE the basic needs you feel that your husband can never fulfill?<P>Have you ever talked to your husband about how you feel or don't feel? Don't you think it is only fair for him to KNOW?<P>Let me add my voice to Wounded's by saying that you MUST tell your husband about the affair. Honesty is one of the most important aspects of a successful marriage.<P>And, finally, I'd just like to suggest that you read the posts on this site. I think you will be encouraged by how many people do regain their love for their spouses once they embrace honesty and learn how to ask for and express their love.<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Well, I can only say this. Now that the MM's W knows, it is highly likely that this information will get to your H - either through the W or through a third party. A deceitful act this big is very hard to hide indefinitely once a third party has found out. My H thought that I wouldn't find out either, however, I received anonymous email as a tip-off.<P>Someone will tell him - maybe not tomorrow or next week or next month. It might come out in a year, or five years. But your H WILL find out.<P>Tell him now - he deserves to hear it from you.<P>belld