Hello all it has been a while since i have posted, i have been busy and doing alot of healing. It has been one week since my divorce. And i know that that topic of dating has been beat to death on here.... but i have a question.<BR>I have had many girls i know and some friend of girls i know that have really wanted to go out with me. And these are girls that i should regularly jump at the chance. But i dont want too.<BR>Part of me wants too cause i enjoy female companionship. just hanging out and going to a movie and talking. But i just feel strange..ok more like scared as hell.<BR>The thing that hurts me so bad is that my ex doesnt seem to have this feeling..cause by the looks of it she can go out with the OM and have no doubts.<BR>Any stories that anyone wants to share?<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Bioman:<BR>Sadly it will be easier for your ex-wife to resume dating because she fell in love (or maybe she thinks this) with someone prior to your breakup.<P>She fell out of one realtionship into another - dont compare yourself to her, and you really dont know everything that could be going thru her mind.<P>Maybe dont rush dating; although you need time to heal, you may need more than you realize. I think that when you feel the desire to date again that you will know, and part of the scared feelings you have will pass. Think of how wonderful it will be to meet someone as cautious as you and you can take it slow. Even after you meet someone (I read this in a book) they recommend waiting at least three months before becoming sexually involved. I agree and think that is excellent advice.<P>Hang in there....sounds like your ex-wife is not the catch you thought her to be.....I think you deserve better.<BR>Scuba

It takes quite a while to recover from a divorce. Dating immediately is not a good idea. Many "experts" (try listening and/or call Dr. Joy Brown) advise that a person take at least one year after a divorce to recover, to find themselfs. The reasoning is that if you get involved with someone right now, you will use that person to help you through your recovery. Esentially you will trash your relationship with that person.<P><BR>As for your ex's actions. She is using him as a bandaide to help her through leaving you and her adjustment period. My bet is that she is not going to come out of this unscared.<P>My husbands ex left him and their chidren to live with the last OM in a string of affairs. Now, 3 years after leaving, she tells him that her relationship with this man is just a convenience for both of them. They don't love each other but neither can leave because they feel "stuck". So you see, it is not all a bed of roses.<P>If you want to see what can happen when a person does not take the time heal. If you want to see why I felt I had to post here. Take a look at these posting.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000730.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000730.html</A> <P>On the following thread, my last posting is the one I think addresses your thread. It's long but....<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009205.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009205.html</A> <P><BR>It seems to me that your heart is telling you to go slow. Listen to your heart... it is trying to protect you.<P>Z

Bioman...HAHAHAH...I just read another one of your posts on someone elses thread...you said if you ever find Other man you will kick his A$$ in the cream corn! I laughed a little....dont ever stoop to that level.<P>My best friend (she is 36) dated a body builder. During their dating he always had eyes for other women - one never seems enough. <P>Folks like your wife and my friend ex-boyfriend may never be happy with one person. You have got to let go of this and heal. That would be a huge mistake to beat up your ex's boyfriend - it would just push them together somehow and he would probably press charges and you would look like an out of control- raging lunatic.<P>Let it go...<BR>Scuba

ya i know im not going to beat him up..as a matter of fact i went to the gym one day too look for her..this was before we separated. and he and her were standing outside just "talking". Well i pulled up. and they got all quiet and looked guilty.. I thought that guy was going to crap his pants. i indroduced myself..and he was speechless.. and i started to leave. and he came up to me and said "sorry man"..i could have broke him in two then. But i was the better man. and just walked away.<BR>And i am not bragging or anything.. but im not a small guy. and i dont really scare easy, i just didnt think it was right to hit him.<BR>Besides he has my ex-wife..that is punishment enough for him LOL<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

ya i know im not going to beat him up..as a matter of fact i went to the gym one day too look for her..this was before we separated. and he and her were standing outside just "talking". Well i pulled up. and they got all quiet and looked guilty.. I thought that guy was going to crap his pants. i indroduced myself..and he was speechless.. and i started to leave. and he came up to me and said "sorry man"..i could have broke him in two then. But i was the better man. and just walked away.<BR>And i am not bragging or anything.. but im not a small guy. and i dont really scare easy, i just didnt think it was right to hit him.<BR>Besides he has my ex-wife..that is punishment enough for him LOL<P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

BioMan:<P>I'm the BS guess I'm still waiting for WH's fog to lift. It's been going past 10 mths of his living with the OW, so I'm not holding my breath. I'm not into dating, still married legally anyway. Even thought the thought has crossed my mind for some strange reason I feel like I'd be cheating...LOL. <P>I can see it how you would feel strange and scared. Maybe your not ready for this. Than again it's just a date, and not a life time commitment. I know I would particularly feel leery because of being a BS. <P>I have gone out with my female friends. A lot of guys, I guess you could say, hit on me or asked me out. The last time I went out with a friend, this guy came over and started talking. I somehow got into a discussion on the importance of trust. Also that I can't stand a liar. Maybe that is why he was honest with me when I asked him if he was married. He admitted he was and continued to ask me out. I explained to him I wasn't interested and being a BS, even if I were dating, I wouldn't even go there. I mean after the HELL I've gone through and still going through....I certainly wouldn't date a married man. I couldn't be the cause of another BS's grief. Why did it surprise me when I asked him if he cheated on his wife before and he said yes (twice and each time for 5-6 yrs each). The wife never knew. Well, excuse me, I'm not being OW #3. <P>Just throwing caution to the wind, which I'm sure you are aware of. You got to watch it out there. <P>Which brings me to a thought I had. If I ever do date again(hopefully not, if H's fog lifts and OW gets a flight OUT!)<BR>I should hope I'd be extremely cautious. This brought to mind an idea (maybe weird, maybe funny) about having them fill out sort of an application. This would provide some information and allow ruling out anyone with real potential problems. When I was looking through the MB site I discovered all the questionnaires. As I read them I realized all these questions, if answered, would provide an extensive amount of data on an individual. It also made me wonder how much detail do we really know about our spouses in our marriages? Since these questions were widely ranged and involved intricate details. I was thinking of the vast amount of knowledge that could be gained about the person, including all aspects of their lives from birth to present. I would think this could be very beneficial in knowing the other person. It made me look at my own marriage and wonder also just how much do married people really know about their spouses? So than my thought was, if these questionnaires were filled out by potential dates or even the person you are dating, it could be analyzed to exclude the incompatible. <P>Sorry, I got a little carried away, I've been told I'm analytical. Just my 2 cents worth of thoughts. LOL<P>Best wishes <P>