Should I stay or should I go? I think maybe it is time for me to get out of this board and star a much deserved life of my own. Thanks for listening to my looong story and I wish all of you have a better ending than mine.<BR>D-day is 3 months ago and started plan-A right after it. There are some progresses - WH comes home every day to me instead of going to her place, won’t mention a D unless there is a LB from me, in a confused stage instead of telling me she is his final decision. But, I just can not hold down any longer. <BR>We had a nice 3-day weekend together, I think he only snick out to call the OW once. I was planing on our vacation to Jamaica at the end of next month. But this morning before he went to work, I told him that I will go ahead to book it for us today and he said - you don’t have to buy it yet and if we pay for it now what’s the cancellation policy? He also mentioned that he still think it might be better if we wait till the week before and see if there are any last min. special and want me to know that he is not going to make HIS DECISION according to a vacation. What he is doing is want me waste my life waiting on his decision! How selfish!<BR>During this 3 months of plan-A, I did a lot of thinking. I know my life will turn out better without him, so why am I staying? I don’t know. I keep telling myself and him that’s because I love him. Yes, I do love him, but now I more see his A as a chance for me to wake up early in my life for some thing better. I am 32, was a model and a top designer in my homeland. I just cannot see myself as a house wife after I married him, so I went to NY by myself 2 years ago and there were never short of job offers for me there. I am doing extremely well as a foreigner. Although the whole move also becomes the reason for his A to happen, I look back and I know I never regret it and will do it again( I quitted my job at the D-day). After all, I made the move because he was going to follow me there shortly( which never happened, he started kissing the OW 3 months after I left), I never abandon my family!<BR>At the other hand, he is a ordinary man, a couch potato, never has too many ambition, all he want is hold a steady job 9 to 5 and go home RELAX. There are nothing he will do to improve his life to make himself better. He has no other interests except watch ESPN and a lot of drinking. <BR>I think I drove him away by demanding too much - I want to enjoy my life at full swing after all the life is too short to be wasted, there are so many things for me to learn. The A is a perfect escape for all the responsibilities and realities he has to face at this stage of his life.<BR>I came to USA 7 years ago, I am thinking about going back to my family. My parents are old, will it be the right thing to do - waiting for my WH to make a decision in stead of going home to be at my parents’ side as a daughter?? <BR>I know I will find a better man, I know I will be happen again. But STILL I love him. We have 2 doggies, they are not perfect at all - they drop the food all over the floor, they always cause troubles, but I will never trade them even you give me a show winner. They are my family!<BR>Should I stay or should I go?

It sounds like you've already made up your mind to me. Good luck and have a great time visiting your parents!! He'll realize his mistakes one day, you can't wast away waiting for him.

It is hard for anyone to make this decision for you. Practically I can see you can achieve much, find a better husband have a great life. You are attractive and many men will go for you. Still finding the right one is not always easy. It doesn't sound like you want to do the housewife thing. This can all be calmy explained to the husband. It was a mistake to get married to him. I think mostly people will try make marriages work and recommend to give it a try. Maybe this is because of guilt or because of religious upbringing or because there are too many divorces. But on religious grounds and affair is the one acceptable excuse for a divorce.<P>Traditionally once you marry you make a committement. You decide all the things beforehand and not marry and then divorce. Fotunately there are no children. But you were betrayed. Maybe part of the blame is on you. I can imagine your husband's feelings. You are very beautiful. Maybe he is a little jealous and does not trust you 100%. Then you go away for three months which is a very long time if he loves you 100%. Many affairs do happen in such circumstances. Usually thye wife does not take off on the husband. It seems now you must satisfy your wants and needs. Your husband's lifestyle is not appealing to you. You feel he is holding you back. Marriage partners should have some common interests or at least both sides should have some interests. <P>Although I hate to say that you should divorce, my feeling from your description is that it may be best in your case (based on what I think your needs and desires are and also how you husband is treating you).<P>

I have not been to the MB site for some time and sometimes I visit just to see if the terrible event that seems to rock everyone like an earthquake is happening less often, but sadly it seems not so.<P>I alwyas feel some debt to this site and the help it provided me so I try to pass on what little information I think may help others...two books that I suggest you go get and read that will help you...and give you a way to try to come to some type of path you want to take. They are very good books...<P>Too Good To Leave..Too Bad To Stay<BR>Mira Kirshenbaum<P>Should I Stay or Go?<BR>Lee Raffel<P>Best of luck to you!<P>mr r