I have been married for less than a year and am pregnant. I suspect my husband is cheating on me but I don't have 100% proof that he is. I have confronted him but he denies everything. I have found phone numbers I've looked on his cell phone call log and he is talking to this OW late at night. He would disappear and I won't be able to get a hold of him and when I ask him, he would always say that I shouldn't be too nosy!!! Recently, he was out of state on business and I saw on his room bill that he had called this other women while he was away. I don't trust him anymore. I'm always thinking the worse of things. All the little signs are there but he won't admit it. I know that he is cheating but I can't prove it. Am I jumpting to conclusions? He has been very critical of me for a quite some times now. I am at a point where I'm losing my love for him. I constantly worry about what he is doing and I don't enjoy making love to him anymore. He doesn't know this though. Should I tell him? We have had discussions and it gets no where!! He is a very intelligent man and he knows how to twist words around and turn the situation on me. I don't know what to do. How can I bring it up again without having the situation blowing up? I feel so helpless and hopeless.

anidav,<P>I'm sorry for your situation, especially with your being pregnant. I know you don't need this stressor, no one needs it, but especially when you are physically stressed during pregnancy.<P>Have you specifically asked him about the calls to alledged OW? What does he say?<P>If he has disappeared and you can't get in touch with him, you are NOT being "too nosy" to want to know where he is. He's your husband, for goodness sake! <P>Would he be willing to come to this site and read things about the importance of openness and honesty? What if you bought the book "HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS" and read it with him? Is he the type that would be willing to do this?<P>You have to open up communication with him. Maybe you can just talk to him about the state of your marriage, about how you feel about his criticizing you, without being too provocative. Maybe if you can get communication about this going, he will gradually come around to opening up in all areas.<P>Good luck to you. I hope this helps.<P>

He is a very private person and will not come here to read any of this stuff. We have talked about counseling but decided to wait off on it. I just don't know what to do. I just want him to admit to me and stop lying about it. It is especially hard because I am pregnant and I especially need him emotionally. He has been distant due to the stressed at work and other factors. Before I got pregnant, we would always go out together and do things together. Now all he wants to do is be by himself. Says that I'm choking him by wanting him to stay at home with me. Will it change after the baby comes?

Welcome <B>anidav</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>There is an old post you may want to check...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html" TARGET=_blank>50 signs your spouse is having an affair (All found on this board)</A>…Triumph2….2/23/2000<P>On any case... do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>You have my prayers.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A><p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited May 29, 2001).]

anidav, your H sounds very immature, and also very threatened by the idea of a new baby coming, particularly this soon. Pardon me if I'm out of line here, but was the pregnancy planned? Was your H on board with the decision? If it wasn't planned, how did he react to the news?<P>Many men feel rejected when a W becomes pregnant, figuring that they'll no longer be #1, and certainly there are aspects of truth to that idea. If your H has low self-esteem or feels insecure, he may feel "left out" of this new phase in your marriage, and he's reacting to his feelings of rejection by seeing someone else who IN HIS MIND puts him first. He's given you a hint of this by saying that you're "choking" him wanting him to stay home. It's obvious that he feels frightened and trapped. If the pregnancy was accidental, he may also be angry, however unreasonably so, and he may be getting his "revenge" this way.<P>Assuming that you want to keep the pregnancy (and I am NOT going to open THAT can of worms here), your H is going to have to be convinced that he is still important to you. You are going to be all wrapped up with the baby, but you are going to have to find room for your H in your life. He is not just a sperm donor, but I know you already know that.<P>Most of the time, a wayward spouse is not going to confess when confronted. The more you ask, the more he's going to deny and the more trapped he's going to feel. One thing that worries me is your comment about him "twisting words around and turning the situation on" you, and the fact that he's so critical. It sounds to me like your H is really just a frightened little boy, and he reacts to his fears by being emotionally abusive to you.<P>When did your H start being critical of you? Of what kinds of things was he critical? Did it just start with the pregnancy?<P>Read the material on this site, not just the messageboard. You are going to need to adjust your behaviors so that your H knows how important he is to you...so that he knows he is LOVED. Because in his mind, that's what he gets from this other relationship. Once you have made progress here, then you can confront again, calmly, in this sort of way:<P>"I need to ask you a question, and I hope you will tell me the truth. I need to know if you are seeing someone else. If you are, it doesn't necessarily mean the end of our relationship, but not telling me the truth will do far more damage than any confession you may make."<P>Good luck, and keep us posted.<P>

The pregnancy was planned. I don't think that is the problem though. He knows what he is doing and he knows that I would never leave him. Maybe that was my mistake. He knows he can get away with a lot of things with me. He lies all the time now and I know he lies but I don't let him know that I know. Should I? I don't think it'll do anything. I'm seriously thinking about seperating from him for a while but I just don't how. Besides, it is sssooo hard. I was just going to wait until the baby comes and give him a taste of his own medicine. Am I a bad person for wanting to do that?

To anyone - I have the phone number for the OW and I want to call her and talk to her but I don't want him to find out. Should I call anyway and risk the chance of him leaving me? He has told me that if I ever call another person again that we would be apart. I think she is the one he is cheating with. Should I call?