Humblefish<P>I've been out of pocket for a while so I've only now seen your post and as the OW I want to tell you that I know exactly what you're going through and that posting here may very well be your first step to getting out of this painful relationship.<P>Your description of your situation was exactly like mine. He kept looking for me and calling me. From the beginning he was the pursuer. I'm not laying the blame all on him, and in fact I can't help but think that I must have given a signal to him that I was available and willing. so he pursued and I gave in. I also spoke with his W and I also realized how damaging the A was to all of us. It was destroying their marriage and it was destroying me.<P>I'm here to tell you that as hard as it is, when you end it, you will begin to heal. It's been four weeks since I ended it. It's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it's still very painful. I "insulted" him, if you will, belittled him and told his W some things I knew he didn't want her to know in order to break his trust in me. I figured that would be the only way I could stop him from wanting to see me. It worked. I imagine he's still angry and hurt. I still think about him every day and I wonder if he ever thinks of me. And every time the need to see him becomes overpowering, I try to imagine his W in my mind and her misery, what it would be like to be in her shoes. As miserable as I am, hers must be greater. <P>Be brave, be strong, do the right thing. As painful as it will be to give him up, realize that your relationship is built on a lie and if he's lying to her, he's lying to you. And you don't need to be lying to yourself. And remind yourself: Do you want to be second best? Do you want his W's crumbs? And can you honestly say that you're happy? If you love someone and they love you, then you should be filled with joy, not confusion and bitterness and pain.<P>If you need a shoulder to lean on or just want to talk, here's my email: stargazeratdawn@hotmail.com<P><BR>

TRose,<P>I had wondered where you had gone. You are a very brave lady. It must have hurt to hurt someone you love but you did the right thing. I hope you start to feel better soon, that you & your girls, if I remember correctly are doing better. Where you not moving? Your words were beautiful & brought tears to my eyes.<P>Good luck in everything. I will be here for a few more days & then I will be traveling, & I am not sure for the next couple of months, don't know if I will have access everywhere but know that you will be in my prayers for you to stay strong & that you will find happiness & peace.<BR>

Trose;<P>I too am the WS...still work with OM - dont know if you have read my other posts. <P>Tis a very hard path we have wound up on, but we know what is right and must continue to do what is right.<P>We have been okay for eight months now but here have been a few close calls as he and I still work together. All in all though we began fighting/fussing a bit over work issues which helped me over a few rough spots.<P>He just returned today from vacation and I still felt my heart ping a bit, but Im not going back to that...I hope and pray that it never happens again.<P>THanks for your post,<BR>Scuba

Steel Magnolia<BR>I've been lurking. This place has helped me more than I ever imagined. I've also been extremely busy with trying to get my house finished and all the paperwork complete. My girls are about to embark on vacation with their father so I'll actually have time to pack and get ready to move. At the same time I dread being alone because it also gives me more time to think. Thanks for remembering me.<P>Scuba2<BR>It is hard isn't it? But my self confidence is on the rise along with my self respect. I can feel the balance between mind and heart shifting. My mind is coming out of the fog so to speak and my practical side is beginning to take over. I'm just glad that we don't work together anymore. I think it would have been harder. My friends have also been very supportive and they all manage to keep me busy and thinking about other things. Physical exertion also helps. Like you, when I ran into a mutual friend and heard his name, my heart pinged too. <P>"Be good and you will be lonesome" Mark Twain<P>... and I would rather be lonesome than alone. Besides, I recently took a road trip to cross country to Chicago (that's where I've been hiding out) and I discovered that I've never really been alone. Someone's been watching out for me and it feels good. Thank you God.<BR>

Hi Trose<P>-thanks for understanding. It is hard. 4 weeks you say, good for you. I’m just so fragile right now. I’m on a week but the problem is that we have done this before 1, 2, 3, 4, weeks and then contact again. In retrospective I think that he contacted me way too soon BUT I also do believe that the reason for his contact was just what he said. He wanted to know how I was doing.....If I was OK. Now with the results in my hand he shouldn’t have since it triggers tooooo much and you (we) found ourselves in the same spot again.<P>Anyway - I just might send you a mail - thanks for offering. There are things I can and really wish to say here but perhaps there are things that I can say to you as an OW without inflicting more pain on these boards.<P>When I first wrote here I thought I would be flamed and bashed. But to my happy surprise the people on this board are more compassionate and understanding considering the circumstances that I would have ever expected. I will be coming back here - If not to post then to read - Keeps me on my feet so to say.<P>BTW - I did the ”Insulting game” too - but he still found his way back...Ironic how instead of growing apart we grew more together - another story though.<P>Right now I’m just trying to hold my stand and not falling into the ”lionspit” once again.<P>Thanks for posting <BR>HumbleFish<BR>

humblefish,<P>just for the record, <P>Its none of his buisness how your doing!!!<P>so its not a good or honorable reason its just the one he used to get back in your pants!<P>next time he calls be stong and know that your doing the right thing by telling him to call when he is really availible and if your still interested youll accept the call.<P>have a great weekend dear have fun!<P>------------------<BR>in loving service<BR>chaz

I'm glad that I could help in some way. When I first came here, I expected to get bashed (I thought I deserved it), but everyone was very supportive and kind. This is really a great group of people and although not everyone will sympathize, they will support you.<P>It's my understanding that it takes a long time to get over an A. I have drawn a parallel to a funeral. The mourning is similar. I actually saw MM for a few seconds. I have managed to evade him completely up until Friday. I stopped by the office to pick up something from a friend, but felt pretty safe because he doesn't work on Fri's. I was so shocked to see him coming towards me over my friends shoulder that I literally pushed her away and took off (we were in the parking lot and I was sitting in my vehicle). Everything is still raw and I cried all the way home, but instinct also told me that if I didn't get away, it would start all over again. <P>Later when I called my friend to apologize for my odd behavior, she told me that they literally got into a screaming match in the parking lot. That he just wanted to see me, to know how I was doing and that he couldn't understand how I could abandon him if I loved hime so much. Imagine that. I abandoned him. How do you give something up that doesn't belong to you? I don't understand. All I know is that I have to stay away no matter what. <P>Chazbutler is right. It isn't any of their business how we are doing. Because they are already comitted to someone else, they have ABSOLUTELY NO responsibility towards us and just keep reminding yourself of that. In the meantime I'm having lunch with a male friend that I haven't seen in a long time next week. He's handsome, single and has his own businesses. I'm not ready to move on and I don't want to move on, but I know I have to make myself move on in order to survive. I guess I'm too proud and too stubborn to stay depressed for the rest of my life. <P>Please feel free to contact me if you like and take care of yourself. Be strong and tell yourself that this too shall pass.<BR>