I am dealing w/ a OW who after three months of no communication from my H except to tell her to get a life and calling her choice words still insists on following him to every job (he is in a band), and calling and hanging up etc. She is taking pot shots at me and generally waiting like a spider, and lying to everyone she can to gain support for herself being there, because she has been "so hurt" (she persued my husband relentlessly being a "friend" and buying him things sending email that they should run away together etc... for over a year before he ever bit, not an excuse, but she is hardly the victim she says she is). I am not in the least bit worried about my H, all she is doing have been major LB's, and has turned him completely against her, she turns his stomach now, BUT, she bothers me. Everytime I see her it scratches an already sore wound I would really like to heal so I can enjoy having the H I always wanted who is now here. If I never saw her again that would be GREAT!<P>Would anyone please share with me if they have had any experiences with psycho OP and were able to stop the behavior in the bud instead of waiting for it to die a natural death? Anyone ever dealt w/ a band groupie who wouldn't just go away successfully? What were your strategies/ behaviors/ whatever that made them give up and get a life? What do you think were the OP's motivations in such irrational behavior? Any OP out there who ever acted a little psycho after being rejected by former lover that have since come to their senses that might be able to tell me what the motivations might be, or what things I might be able to do to stop this riddiculous competition of hers for a man which she actually lost three months ago but won't give up? I want to end this now instead of later! I think I've already been through enough!<P>

Lots of this is right up my alley Sacred since I lived with a professional musician for 5 years and I have also been a BW with a psycho OW. Unfortunatley after seeing what I saw I have to be honest and tell you that IMO finding a musician who doesn't cheat is like finding that "ruby in a mountain of rocks" to quote Meatloaf. My exBF didn't cheat but I still don't count himn as faithful. The reason being is that the only reason he didn't is because he wasn't that smart, was a terrible liar and he knew I would catch him. I used to have to play watchdog all the time and it got really old. I'd tell him I wasnt' going to a show and then show up at 1:30 am, stuff like that. He never knew when I would show up.<P>>>>[QUOTE]Originally posted by ScaredInNY:<BR>[B]I am dealing w/ a OW who after three months of no communication from my H except to tell her to get a life and calling her choice words still insists on following him to every job (he is in a band), and calling and hanging up etc.>>><P>There was one very persistent groupie who the bar owners ended an banning from their bars. At first exBF was nice to her, then after she and I had afew "altercations" he told her to F off. She still kept coming out. Then people (bar owners, sound guys) started making fun of her and telling her to get a life. That seemed to embarass her. But the only thing that worked is when he and all the otehr band members totally ceased acknowledging her existence. If she spoke to them they looked through her like she was glass. One of the guys had a groupie he had slept with who was a real nutcase. He eventually employed the same "invisible" strategy. After awhile being totally ignored usually causes them to become obsessed with someone else. But the whole band has to ignore her, otherwise she will become fixated on another band member and she won't go away. With our psycho exOW we got a feature installed on our phone where it won't accept any calls from "blocked" numbers. XOW always *67 her number before calling to harass so once we got that feature the calls pretty much stopped. You can also change your number.<P><<<Would anyone please share with me if they have had any experiences with psycho OP and were able to stop the behavior in the bud instead of waiting for it to die a natural death?>>><P>Ignoring seems to be the best strategy. That's what made the groupies go away and that is what eventually made the psycho OW go away. As far as OW was concerned, any contact with my H, even him telling her to go to hell, was positive and encouraging. Once we both ignored her totally for awhile she went away. I'm sure she probably became obsessed with someone else. <P><<< What do you think were the OP's motivations in such irrational behavior?>>>><P>Drama, drama, drama. People like that are addicted to drama. Plus if the OW is single she has nothing to lose really. If she has been dumped she's already lost the guy anyway. Why not keep chasing and maybe he will change his mind. Our XOW had a fantasy of being my H's wife, living in our nice house, being part of his family etc. She didn't want to give up that fantasy (even though none of it wopuld have happened even if we had divorced). As far as groupies I'm sure you know that in that world there is a certain status given to the wives and girlfriends of musicians and that is what the groupie wants. She wants the attention of being on the band guy's arm, going to all the cool parties, being envied by the other girls etc. My best advice is ignore, ignore, ignore and try to get friends to do the same. Eventually that will work.<P>

Oh, I Wish I had that kind of support from the band on this!! She has been fixated on my husband for over a year now and actively recruiting friends among the band so that she could sit at the band table, in fact I would go so far as to say that she bought herself friends in the band, (unfortuantely this band has some self centered shallow people in it, who just happen to be very talented too). She has lost the support now of all but one band member and a members feonce, but without them it's a mute point. <P>They sit with her so she ends up at her own little band table, from what I hear asking every other minute, "Is he looking at me?"... this sometimes while I sit alone. We did manage to get one club owner to agree to keep her out so far, and 5 out of 6 members is better than none, but NOTHING seems to sway this woman if she thinks she has even the slightest foothold. She uses her police contacts (brother is chief of police) to scare alot of the members and bar owners who miht otherwise be more vocal in objecting to her coming into not saying or doing anything.<P>I will try to talk to as many as I think will listen about trying the invisible rutine, but I just think she'll go around crying to her supporters about how they are being so mean and getting awww poor baby you've been so hurt. Gag!<P>

<<As far as groupies I'm sure you know that in that world there is a certain status given to the wives and girlfriends of musicians and that is what the groupie wants. She wants the attention of being on the band guy's arm, going to all the cool parties, being envied by the other girls etc>>><P>Wanted to add that this makes alot of sense and isn't something I had really considered, I was thinking of her in too normal life of terms which is why she has made no sense to me. My husband was not a working musician when I married him, closest he got was on the couch with his accoustic. I loved him back then when he was just a security guard, and I love him now despite the fact that he is a musician really more than anything. Since this has never been an attraction for me it just never occured to me to think of her motivation as that. Thank you, this helps alot to have some concept of what she is after.<P>