belldandy:<P>In response to your post in SEF's,<P>"Has anyone's WS totally abandoned their family as my WH has?" <P> RE: I think a lot of the OP have "Issues."<P>I realize that everyone has "Issues". I even used to, at times feel sorry for OW, somewhat along the lines of what you were saying, but.....<BR>I thought I would explain a few things.<P>I find it hard to believe myself. It only took one phone conversation (if you could call it that) to know the kind of person this OW is. OW doesn't know me and I don't know her, or care to.<P>This was the night about a month and a half after WH left. I had no idea of OW, until I ran into them. H wouldn't even admit it than. I called H to find out the truth. OW got on the phone although she was yelling, I kept a calm civil tone. OW wanted to beat my F******** %^*&##@@**^^%%! OW said absolutely horrible things attacking me personally, I stuck to the facts. This showed me her immaturity, she has no moral principles, she knew he was married, she was also. <BR>OW's language was completely limited to vile, vulgarity. You would have thought I was the OW and she was the BS. I've been around long enough that I've heard a lot, but I can say I've never heard anyone with such a foul disgusting way of wording. Her phrasing was dreadful and viciously directed towards me and my H's marriage on a very personal basis. Like she would even know. I was shocked with the audacity.<P>This was bad enough, but than I find out while OW screamed her utterly horrid mouth, H's son was sitting right there. I can't believe anyone would purposely have such a lack of consideration for a child. This to me is totally inexcusable and appalling. Not to mention H was right there letting her do this. I would have put her butt out the door with her nasty display and disregard for his child and even him. <P>Furthermore, another incident when OW was out driving with 2 children after midnight? Apparently she had been driving for 6 mths. without insurance, against the law in this state. Something was thrown out of her vehicle into another auto, not only almost causing the other vehicle to wreck, but creating substantial damage. The worse part is that knowing she was driving illegally, she ran. Exceeding speeds of 90 mph (through a park) trying to escape criminal charges while the other party was trying to obtain her tag number. Her vehicle was almost rolled on a turn. This is crazy endangering those children's lives. They could have been killed or damaged for life, as well as the people in the other vehicle. Complete disregard for their lives. Can you imagine also the impact of the influence. What is this teaching the children? What ever lasting effect? Just do what you want, doesn't matter. H was not in the vehicle. This really upset me, I loved and cared for his children. I tried talking to H, told him I knew all about this. Of course he made excuses, like it was no big deal. It's a terrible thought, but I wonder if his child had been killed or injured for life...how would H feel? Again I find this behavior inexcusable. Disrespectful toward H and his children. I surely do not understand H or OW, it's seems sick.<P> RE: I would like to believe that something else caused XOW to behave the way she did. I really don't want to believe that people behave this way on their own, just out of the blue. I simply cannot fathom it. I just can't. I've done things that I consider extremely bad and harmful to my marriage, but nowhere near as bad as getting involved with a MM and refusing to budge. Nothing can ever touch that.<P>I cannot fathom this either, but unfortunately it's true. I know I've made mistakes myself and as everyone does, but never would or could do what OW has. OW has H under her control and refuses to budge, thinks she owns him. H has already lost a lot, seems to be on self-destruct, it's pathetic. A few times I've seen OW, there is no doubt she has a problem. OW is extremely arrogant. If she sees me, she hangs out the car window waving her arm, insane. She did this once when H was driving. Makes me wonder if he thinks this is cute or what? I think it's sick.<P>OW has even appeared on my doorstep twice, H drove her over. After I didn't answer the door, I was dialing 911. OW left a threatening note. The Judge found her guilty of trespassing & harassment and issued an Order of Protection with absolutely NO CONTACT. Later during a conversation with H, he was mad because he said I didn't have to do what I did. When I asked him what he was talking about, he said you didn't have to take my girlfriend to court...DUH. (poor OW) <P>So I have no idea what her problem is, I think OW definitely has something wrong. Maybe H will figure this out, who knows. After all OW was with two other men, living with one, when she moved in with H. She is a compulsive liar, even in court, the Judge told her she found her story utterly ridiculous. H has even admitted he has caught her in a lot of lies. <P>I don't think it's out of the blue, I think it's her personality. I'm not the one to judge OW, but under the circumstances I can no longer find any sympathy for OW. <BR>It's all bizarre to say the least.<P>Thanks for your input, what do you think about this?<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Hurtwife (edited May 30, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Hurtwife (edited May 30, 2001).]

oops

HW:<P>In the depths of self-imposed fog, your WS will not see what you see. Be resigned to that. Do what you can for the children though, as they are victims as well, and since his fog prevents him from protecting them, they are truly hung out to dry.<P>As for you. Plan B. No Contact. Now. In time, the OW's vileness will become apparent. The question then will be: have you protected the love that remains or will he have eroded it all? Tempus vidi (time sees, loosely). When the fog does lift, your WS will be caught up in remorse, guilt, shame and depression. It makes the initial transition back difficult ... if your love remains at that point, be prepared to extend the same hand God extends to us after our transgression. Should your love be gone at that point, you shall have taken the necessary steps to protect yourself and to move on. Not that it is any less painful, but you will be prepared.<P>Godspeed and good luck,<BR>STL<BR>