Second counseling session is today. We're splitting sessions as he told counselor he doesn't want to be married. I'm not sure why we're even doing counseling except I want to work on marriage. (His sister talked him into counseling.) He expects counselor to tell me we should separate.<P>I see glimmers of my H. He still slips up and calls me his pet name occasionally. When I reach for him, he will occasionally bend down for a kiss. When I hug him, he will still rub the small of my back. But when I say I love you, he doesn't answer. (I try not to, but sometimes it just comes out.)<P>At night he holds me on the couch and I fall asleep in his arms to the beating of his heart. How can I feel so safe in the arms of someone who has hurt me so deeply? We are still intimate and I wonder how I can desire him when he has been with another? <P>When he talks about the future, he still includes me. But he still calls OW. We have been to church 3 straight weeks. He is reading <I> The Prayer of Jabez book.</I> I pray that God will touch his heart and will lead us to His will.<P>I am weepy and feeling fragile today. I'm not sure why. I think the long yawn of summer approaching is scaring me. (I am a teacher.) I keep wondering about the future. I want to put all my fears in the hand of God; I am so afraid.<P><P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7

I think you are doing good. It sounds like a loving Plan A. He hasn't cut off affection completely, he is holding you, talking to you, making love, talking about the future.<P>Limbo is so difficult.<P>Just because he says he doesn't want to be married right now, doesn't mean a whole lot unless he gets to a lawyer and does some paper work. My H said he didn't want to be married or committed to me for almost 2 years...but never went to a lawyer, even when he said he wanted a divorce. I just kept at Plan A...sometimes better than others and loving him until I couldn't do it anymore...Plan B time.<P>If your H is sleeping with both of you, or you suspect he is,you might want to at least use condoms if you aren't doing so already. STDs aren't any fun, and you or your H don't *really* know who all the OW is or has been with. You've got to take care of yourself.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

InShockinCali:<P>Sorry to hear your feeling fragile today. That's understandable. I myself am having sad feelings. As I read your post some things are familiar with mine. I can also see some things you could be thankful for. Sometimes it helps me to look at the positive of what I have to be thankful for instead of the negative things that become depressing. So I try to thank God for these things and hope. I also try to look at the perspective it could be worse. <P>Everyone is different, but it appears a lot (too many) of us are in the same boat. <P>Be thankful that your H is going to counseling, at least it's something. Mine wouldn't go, only once by himself, he didn't want to be married anymore either and refused counseling with me. My H wouldn't go back. You never know if this counseling with your H might have an affect. <P>Be thankful that you still have communication and contact with your H. I wish I did, my H moved out, has become hateful towards me, refuses any communication or contact. <P>I don't mean to compare, but I do see a positive signs of a connection that still exists between you and your H. The fact that he kisses and holds you. My H acted like I had a plague. After my H left, is still came over for awhile, but wouldn't kiss me, he'd turn his head or maybe a little speck on my check. I didn't understand at the time, this was extremely puzzling, until I found out the reason H left was to live with OW. <P>I know it's painful and you are hurting, believe me I can understand. I can also see you have and your husband still have a bond. Your H probably has mixed emotionals because of the OW, but it's still hopeful that he is with you. <P>I don't feel like I can give you and suggestions or advice, as my own situtation seems to only get worse. My H has been away for over 10 mths. I will try to offer you encouragement and hope, since your H does include you in his talks about the future. <P>Keep praying and look to God to give you strenght and forgiveness. Thank God for the positive. <P>May God Bless You & H <BR> <P>

My H would not answer the "I love you" either. He cut himself off from me emotionally. To him sex was sex, not sex is love. It was a very difficult time and place to be. I was not a very patient Limboland resident and eventually moved out. We were able to eventually work it out, but I think of the financial strain it put on us and how I should have been more patient. Alls well that ends well though. I wish you the best. Hang in there.

From a WS perspective: it is hard to honestly say "I love you" when you feel the pain, the guilt, the sorrow and see the hurt you have caused.<P>Tempus vidi. Loosely, time will see. Separate counseling is fine, but you should also be implementing the rule of honesty (but not forgetting the rules of protection and care, either).<P>However, there is a key ingredient here: You must insist on NO CONTACT! Otherwise, Plan B posthaste.<P>God does answer prayers. But do not look heavenward for the answer: He usually places our miracles where we can reach them.<P>Godspeed and good luck,<BR>STL

Not sure if good or bad. Didn't get to talk to counselor. H and she took the whole hour. He was visibly upset and eyes were tearing. He's not ready to talk about it yet.<P>I've put it in the Lord's hands.<P>------------------<BR>Cali<P>"Humble yourselves, therefore,under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." <P>1 Peter 5:6-7